


The Sparrow and the Crow

by Marjorie_Franklin



Category: Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-08
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-20 10:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 71,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2426171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marjorie_Franklin/pseuds/Marjorie_Franklin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Monster. Vanitas is a monster—at least that is what everyone says. That is what they have always said. He is a dark entity destined to leave a string of chaos and destruction in his wake and nothing can change that. He is what he is. Xion knows that, but that didn't keep her from loving him. He is a monster, and monsters aren't capable of loving someone in return, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Bored**. Vanitas is ten different kinds of bored. Like always, he sits towards the back of the classroom and listens to another dreadfully boring lecture, courtesy of Instructor No. 12, Aqua.

With a heavy and much too loud sigh, Vanitas props his feet on his study panel and folds his arms behind his head. One advantage to not sharing a study panel with another student is that he can recline without bothering anyone.

His intentional disturbance earns him a few curious glances from his fellow _pupils_ and a nasty look from Aqua.

Vanitas returns the favor.

Once the young blue-haired Instructor manages to regain the attention of the class, Vanitas represses a groan. She is putting notes on the board, again. Too bad _he 'forgot'_ to bring his notebook. Technically, he could just use the computer installed into the study panel, but that would require him giving a damn.

Since taking notes isn't a favorable option anymore, Vanitas _could_ listen to the lecture. He could, but he won't. It isn't like it will do him any good anyway. The lecture is for those who actually _want_ to graduate from this hellhole of an educational institution, those that _want_ to be trained into becoming unique, specialized military forces, those that will actually reap the benefits of attending and graduating from this place.

Vanitas supposes he does want to graduate so he could be enlisted in an army anywhere in the world, but that isn't in the cards for him. If he does somehow manage to graduate, and he doesn't know that he will, he wouldn't be permitted to leave the Land of Departure's Academy of Mastery. He is pretty sure Headmaster Eraqus will rip him apart with his bare hands before he risks releasing him out into the world.

' _We have to maintain the balance,'_ Vanitas mocks the demented and highly judgmental Headmaster in his head.

This place is his prison, nothing more, nothing less and everyone knows it. He isn't here to better himself or find his place in the world or to protect the balance or any sentimental crap like that. He is kept here as a precaution, under the watchful eye of the Masters and the Headmaster so he won't do anything he shouldn't. He is a damn liability. Actually, now that he thinks about it; that is putting it lightly. Saying he is a liability is an understatement.

Vanitas is on the verge of brooding himself into a coma, so he stops his thought process right there and tries to focus on his surroundings. However, focusing on his surroundings also means focusing on Aqua and he doesn't want to do that. He will bust a blood vessel.

Instead of listening to Instructor Aqua go over Academy protocol, _again,_ he eyes his classmates.

They are all so sickeningly transparent. He doesn't interact with them on a personal level, but he does observe them. It is one of his favorite past times considering he isn't allowed to do much given the circumstances…

Ventus is playing nice with his study panel mate, Xion, and subtly flirting with her. The flirting is so subtle it is _painfully_ obvious.

He rolls his glaring, golden eyes.

 _Brother dear_ has been in love with Xion for a while and he supposes he understands his _brother's_ immature and completely illogical infatuation. After all, Xion is pretty much the only person in this damn academy that doesn't treat him like a monster. She never has. She has never been anything but kind to him and Vanitas doesn't understand that. Kindness is one of the many emotions that lie just beyond his reach and just outside his realm of comprehension.

Xion laughs at Ventus's pitiful jokes and smiles warmly at him across the study panel they share.

Vanitas is pretty sure she simply humors him. He doesn't think she actually gives a shit. She is just too nice to blow him off. She will get bored with him, eventually. She won't commit to the pushy boy. Vanitas likes to think she isn't into him that way, she just doesn't realize it yet.

Bored again, he averts his eyes and observes the individuals seated at the study panel to their left.

Naminé silently sketches in a sketchpad as she sits next to Riku. Vanitas smirks when he sees Naminé's blue eyes wander over to Ventus's study panel. The blonde girl likes Ventus but Ventus likes Xion but Vanitas doesn't know whom the hell Xion likes. She is kind of hard to read, but the point is Ventus is so wrapped up in trying to win over Xion he doesn't notice Namine's little crush.

This amuses Vanitas. He enjoys turmoil. He will admit it. He likes chaos and conflict, but why wouldn't he? He is anarchy incarnate. It is in his blood to enjoy such things. By design, he is wired to sow seeds of mayhem.

The tawny gaze shifts yet again.

Sora and Kairi are goofing off on the other side of the room. That is another messed up scenario, but this one isn't nearly as amusing.

Sora likes Kairi and Kairi likes Sora. Vanitas is pretty sure but Riku likes Kairi too. However, Vanitas is also pretty sure Riku could have a thing for Naminé and maybe even Xion, but Riku's affections for are unrequited regardless of who he wants and unrequited love is always somewhat amusing.

Vanitas looks at the back of Xion's coal-black head again and decides that unrequited love is not _always_ amusing. It wouldn't be fun if it happened to him. Good thing Vanitas can't love…not really, but if he could…

He mentally slaps himself across the face for temporarily losing his mind and for being such a sentimental, adolescent dumb-ass.

He has trekked into dangerous territory so his golden gaze adjust to the morons sitting between him and Xion, Axel and Roxas, Xion's best friends. The girl clearly has no regard for taste. She likes his _brothers_ and the freak with fire in his hair and tattoos on his face.

Axel throws paper wads at Xion and starts singing something along the lines of _'Ventus and Xion sitting in a tree.'_

Xion blushes and throws the paper wads back at him. When she turns to throw her weapon made of vellum at the lanky redhead she catches him staring at her.

Vanitas stiffens when their eyes mate.

Much to his displeasure, Xion smiles at him. Instinctively, his eyes narrow at her as an intense glower consumes his face.

Her smile falls and she shies away from his smoldering gaze before she turns to face the front of the room again.

Aqua scolds Axel and Xion for throwing paper wads and begins lecturing again.

Boredom savagely devours Vanitas again and he seriously considers going to sleep, but going to sleep will only cause Aqua to chide him and he doesn't really feel like going through that. Besides, sleeping won't get him out of this room.

If Vanitas could self-destruct, he would.

Vanitas _can't_ self-destruct, but he _can_ leave.

Without a second thought, Vanitas gets out of his chair and makes a break for the door.

"Vanitas, you haven't been excused."

There's the haughty remark he was waiting for and the one he already knew he wouldn't heed the instant it left Aqua's lips.

"I know." he smirks during his response but doesn't stop his journey up the aisle of study panels to the door.

"Vanitas, sit back down," the azure Instructor warns and points to his panel at the back of the room.

Vanitas chortles.

"No. I'm good. _Thanks_ ," he opens the door and glances back at Aqua and the classroom.

He catches the look Xion is giving him and it pisses him off. The look on her face is somber and maybe a touch disappointed. It is strange expression. It's like she is disappointed in how rude he is being. Why would it surprise her? Why would she expect any different?

"Vanitas, if you leave you are going to Headmaster's office!" Aqua hisses and slams her hands on her desk.

Vanitas shoots her an obscene one-fingered hand gesture before he exits and slams the door.

* * *

When the lecture ends, the room is buzzing about Vanitas's behavior. Vanitas doesn't have class with other pupils much but when he does it is usually a memorable experience and this time was no different.

"I can't believe he just left like that…" Naminé squeaks as she rises from her seat and places her sketchpad into her baby blue backpack.

"I can." Ventus chuckles and politely helps Xion with her books.

"Thank you." Xion gives him a smile as she takes the tomes from him.

"Yeah, name one class meeting he didn't interrupt or disturb in some way." Riku folded his arms.

Naminé's eyes wander over the ceiling and the floor as she tries to remember a time when Vanitas actually stayed through an entire lecture without screaming or protesting or trying to argue with the Instructors about the validity of their lecture.

"Yeah… I got nothing…" she shrugs and pulls her backpack over her shoulder.

"Why don't they just kick him out?" Kairi asks as she joins the conversation.

"They can't. He will destroy the world if they do," Axel states and Xion can't tell if he is joking or if he is serious.

No one laughs so she assumes he is serious.

"Xion, can I see you for a moment?" Aqua asks over the soft chatter and the sounds of rustling books and backpacks.

The conversation deteriorates at the sound of Aqua's voice and the small group disperses.

"Want me to wait on you?" Ventus offers as he walks by Xion.

"No, it's fine. Go ahead. I'll see you later." she smiles meekly and her eyes shyly fall to the floor.

"Alright," he surrenders. "See ya, Aqua," he calls to his friend and playfully pats her desk before exiting with the other pupils.

"Bye, Ven."

"Yes?" Xion inquires as she tightly holds her books over her chest and ventures to the young Instructor's desk.

"I have a favor to ask," Aqua says as she rubs her aching temples. Xion is sure she is still nursing the headache Vanitas gave her.

"Anything." Xion smiles and places a lock of ebony behind one of her ears.

Aqua is an instructor, but she is still young and one of Xion's good friends so, once the instructor air dissolves, Xion talks to her as she normally would.

Aqua passed the Mark of Mastery exam and graduated at the age of fifteen, and at the age of eighteen became one of the youngest instructors ever.

The blue maiden is now twenty, only three years older than Xion, but because of her age she is less strict and struggles to be taken seriously be her students who also double as her classmates for years. Now Aqua is kept at a distance from her pupils because of her rank. Xion knows this upsets her and that she wants a better relationship with the people around her.

"Will you be willing to go on a mission for me?" Aqua pleads and this is clearly more of a request from a friend than an order from an Instructor.

Xion is a bit taken back by the request. Ususally, the Headmaster is the individual that assigns students to missions. Xion has been in Mastery Academies since she was a child so she wasn't new to the standard protocol. She is a student at an academy that trains students to be a mercenary force that completes missions all over the world so she has been on countless missions. However, this is the first time an Instructor has assigned one to her, but who is she to question her friend and Instructor?

"Sure." Xion nods and shifts the books in her arms.

Aqua exhales. "Thank you so much. I really appreciate it."

A knock interrupts Xion's reply and Aqua holds up a hand to momentarily stifle the raven-haired girl.

"Come in," the Instructor calls calmly and Xion can tell she already knows who waits on the other side of the door.

Terra enters the vacant classroom with a salad from the cafeteria and a bottle of water. The wholehearted smile that blossoms across Aqua's face at the sight of Terra is infectious. Xion can't help but grin at the burly brunette too.

"I brought you lunch." He holds up his offering as he approaches her desk.

"Hey, Xion," Terra adds and places the food on the desk in front of Aqua.

"Hi, Terra," Xion greets warmly. "How are you?"

"Pretty good," he replies before moving behind the desk to massage Aqua's obviously tense shoulders. "You?"

"I'm good. Thank you for asking."

"Anytime," he chuckles and pats Aqua's arms.

"I brought you pain killers too. I knew you had Vanitas in class today…" he continues after turning his attention back to Aqua.

Aqua's head hits her desk at the sound of Vanitas's name as Terra gently places the bottle of painkillers by her face.

"That bad, huh?" Terra inquires before casually placing his hands back in his pockets.

"He argued with her ever ten seconds then he left in the middle of class. Oh, and he gave her the one finger salute on his way out," Xion explains for Aqua since the Instructor seems content with keeping her forehead plastered to her desk.

"Nice," Terra chuckles.

"It's not funny…" Aqua mumbles into the paperwork she is using as a pillow.

"No. Of course not." Terra winks at Xion and she represses a giggle.

"Anyway!" Aqua's blue head pops up and she places a few loose strands of her short hair behind her ears. "Xion, I will set up a meeting with the Headmaster and you can see him after you are finished with your classes for the day. He will make the necessary changes and give you the details of the mission. I was going to go myself but I really don't have the time…"

"No! It's fine. I don't mind. Really," Xion insists.

"Thank you so much. I owe you one," Aqua says as she opens her salad's plastic container. "It shouldn't be anything too grueling. It shouldn't be more than you can handle. I'll set up your briefing with Headmaster Eraqus and he will tell you all that you need to know."

"Okay! Sounds good. Enjoy your lunch. It was good to see you, Terra," Xion says as she makes her way to the door.

"You too," the brunette smiles and sits on Aqua's desk.

"Thanks again, Xion," Aqua calls and opens her water bottle.

"Don't mention it," Xion says before shutting the door and leaving.

* * *

Xion is nervous. She is nervous and the screaming inside the Headmaster's office isn't helping.

She waits outside the office in the neat, little lobby on leather cushions, her hands elegantly entwined in her blackened lap. Her hands slip and slide all over one another as she tries to calm her nerves and ignore the yelling inside.

The raven-haired girl knows who is screaming inside. Vanitas is screaming profanities at Master Eraqus…again.

Xion winces.

Angry. He is always so angry.

Xion just came to receive the briefing for the mission she was going on for Aqua; she didn't come here to listen to the next Keyblade War unfold. However, she can kind of understand why Vanitas is pissed. His situation, while mysterious, isn't a _complete_ secret.

" _Vanitas, please, calm down…"_

Master Eraqus sounds like he is at wit's end.

Xion wishes she could ignore all this. She doesn't want any of this gracing her ears. It is none of her business but they are so loud!

Things grow quieter after while but Xion can still hear the murmurs of angry bickering.

A door slams and the murmurs cease. Heavy footsteps sound inside the office then Vanitas barrels out of the door into the lobby.

At the sight of Xion he reels a bit, his golden eyes widen momentarily before narrowing back into their signature scowl.

In spite of his scowl, Xion offers him a small smile.

Xion notices he isn't in his Job attire nor is he in his Academy uniform. He boldly wears civilian clothing, a black hooded jacket with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, a white t-shirt underneath, and jeans.

As a student whom she assumes has a Job here as either a Warrior or Dark Knight, depending on the situation, he should be in either their gear or the school uniform… However, he isn't, but this doesn't surprise Xion. Vanitas is able to cheat the system. To keep him out of trouble and to keep him under their watchful eye, they let him get away with pretty much anything as long as he doesn't go running off into the Dark Realm…or to Master Xehanort…

"What?" he barks when he grows tired of the silence and the innocent look she is giving him.

"N-nothing!" she defends and holds her hands up in surrender.

"You wanna pass judgment too?"

"No."

Xion has no clue where all this is coming from. She has never offered to pass judgment on him. She understands what he is but she has never judged him for it.

Vanitas is a time bomb in more ways than one. His temper is one and he himself is the other. They say that he will make some weapon that will bring about war, ruination, or catastrophe or something… And that he will create and control a new breed of monster…

Xion doesn't know the gory details but she does know that Vanitas is rarely seen as anything other than a monster or a walking apocalypse waiting to happen.

His eyes wander over her cynically before they roll.

"Whatever," he scoffs before placing his hands in his pockets and disappearing out of the lobby.

"Sheesh, Xion. What did you do?" chuckles a familiar voice over Vanitas's fleeting footsteps.

Xion jumps and turns to see that it is Axel leaning against the wall beside her.

"N-nothing! I didn't do anything!" Xion squeaks as she looks back at him.

"Calm down." Axel chuckles some more. "I was only teasing. Like that guy needs a reason to be pissed…"

"He has plenty…" Xion adds as she tucks her stocking covered ankles behind one another underneath her seat.

"Are you taking up for him?" Axel practically gapes.

"Not necessarily." Xion shrugs and stares holes into the floor. "I just know he has a lot to deal with. You know, because of who he is?"

"You mean _what_ he is?"

Xion wouldn't call Vanitas a _what._ He is still a person, although almost everyone in this school would say otherwise.

"Either way, he can't help what or who he is anymore than we can…"

"Humph. Sure." Axel shrugs and scratches his fiery head. "So! What are you doing here?"

"Briefing. I'm going on a mission in Aqua's place," Xion explains and gives Axel a quick smile.

"Big shoes to fill," Axel muses aloud and Xion nods.

He is right. Those shoes are all but impossible to fill. Not only is Aqua a Master and Graduate and the youngest Instructor at this facility, Aqua's Job classification is Sage while Xion is simply classified as a Black Mage, for now anyway. Aqua has all but mastered black and white magic. It takes both Naminé and Xion to do what Aqua can do alone, which is why Aqua is used so frequently. She is basically a Black and White Mage wrapped into one pretty package.

"So you gotta do some Black Mage work?" the redhead inquires.

"I suppose. Oh! Are you here for a briefing? Maybe we will be going together!" Xion cries excitedly.

Missions are always better when she has one with Roxas or Axel. However, because Roxas is pretty good at black magic on his own and because Axel can use Ninjutsu, also known as ninja magic, they aren't paired with her much.

Everyone at the Academy is given a Job, sometimes Jobs, based off of their natural skills and abilities. They are observed for a while then the Masters and Headmasters give them their Job classification which will be their area of expertise and what they will mainly study until they take their Mark of Mastery Exam and graduate. Sometimes individuals are given other Jobs but it doesn't derive too far from their original Job.

Xion is dubbed a Black Mage, a being that can conjure all forms of black magic, which means if a party already has an individual that can cast black magic, she will not be needed. Most missions do not require more than one individual with the ability to conjure black magic.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm not here to speak with the Headmaster. I'm just playing hooky and saw you in here and thought I would say 'hi.' And maybe I was going to keep Vanitas from killing you…" Axel confesses and reclines in the chair next to her.

"You _do_ realize you are playing hooky in the lobby outside the Headmaster's office…right?" Xion tries not to flat-out laugh at her old friend.

Axel curses under his breath and leaps to his feet.

"Oh! Hey!" he halts his advance toward the door. "Roxas and I are going to get ice cream in Twilight Town after class today. Think you can meet us there?"

Xion smiles.

"I should be able to. I probably won't be deployed until tomorrow. I will come if I can."

"Alright! See you there! And try to avoid Vanitas!" Axel teases before scurrying out of the lobby.

Xion sighs and blows her black bangs out of her face. Despite popular belief, Xion doubts Vanitas would have actually _hurt_ her. He has never offered to before…

"Xion," the receptionist calls and snaps Xion out of her musings.

"The Headmaster is ready to see you now," she smiles and motions to the door.

Xion picks up her books and enters the office where Master Eraqus waits. She straightens her uniform; her ruby tie, white blouse, and black dress before she knocks.

"Enter," the Master calls and Xion takes a deep breath before walking in.

"Good afternoon, Master Eraqus." she bows.

"Good afternoon, Xion." The Headmaster rises from his seat to greet her. "Please, sit." He motions to the large seat coated in maroon leather beyond his massive, mahogany desk.

Nodding, the black-haired girl sits in the seat. The thick leather groans and protests under her weight.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice. Normally, I would inform you of the mission at least a week in advance but certain developments have forced me to break the respectable protocol," the Headmaster apologizes and takes a seat in his massive chair, but not before he runs a hand down his face.

Master Eraqus looks frazzled. The argument with Vanitas clearly put him on edge and took a lot out of him. He is still very stoic and composed but Xion knows he isn't at his finest. He looks like he was expecting Vanitas to snap right in his office and destroy anything and everything within a hundred mile radius. Even the Headmaster thinks he will just snap and go ballistic at any moment.

"It is fine, Headmaster Eraqus. It is no trouble. I understand." Xion bobs her head in respect.

Eraqus nods.

"We have received reports of Nobodies in the area around Radiant Garden. We will send Naminé and Riku to Radiant Garden with you to investigate and eliminate the threat," the Headmaster all but commands.

Xion isn't surprised that they will be joining her. It is a typical party; an individual to heal, an individual to use magic based attacks, and an individual to use physical attacks.

"You will leave first thing in the morning. We shall provide transportation. Be at the entrance at sunrise," the Master instructs emotionlessly.

"Yes, Master," Xion replies before standing and bowing farewell to the Headmaster.

* * *

The sun is setting over Twilight Town, but then again, the sun is always setting in Twilight Town. Everything has a beautiful, warm, cozy, and peaceful feel to it. Everything contains calming hues of orange, gold, and red. Xion likes being here with Roxas and Axel again. It almost feels like old times. It has been so long since they have been here...

"Do you think Xion's mission has anything to do with Xemnas?" Axel reluctantly asks after taking a chunk out of his ice cream bar.

"Probably," Roxas replies honestly. "What do you think, Xion?"

She shrugs. She doesn't want this to be related to Xemnas but she knows it probably is.

Xemnas was their old Headmaster when they went to Twilight Town's School of Mastery. But that was before the other Mastery Academies found out he was collaborating with Master Xehanort.

No one was surprised to learn of his treachery. After all, Xehanort _is_ his father, which was why the investigation was conducted at Twilight Town's Academy. Upon investigating they realized all their missions were dubious, unethical and were secretly helping Master Xehanort.

As former students of Twilight Town's School of Mastery, Xion, Roxas, and Axel were all guilty of aiding Xehanort and his calamitous cause through Xemnas.

How were they supposed to know that Xemnas was sending them on missions that could potentially lead to war and destruction?

They were taught to trust that man so they did, everyone in that school did. Call it an orphan complex…

Mastery Academies are a sort of new age orphanage, which made the school itself like a mother and the school's Headmaster like a father and everyone gets a while school full of brothers and sisters. It's an orphans dream come true. It was Xion's dream come true. The Academy gave her purpose, structure, a place to live, and a future, when she wouldn't have obtained those things otherwise.

When something offers an orphan a chance to make something of themselves, they go for it, no questions asked. That is what the Mastery Academies do; they give people like her, Axel, and Roxas a chance to start over, to become something greater, to see the world, to protect the things that matter, to obtain new dreams… Of course, their main goal was to create an élite, diverse mercenary force to complete missions that will help them prepare for the ultimate goal of protecting the balance and preventing war. Xion assumes that would also mean fighting in a war that threatened to destroy the balance but a war hadn't occurred in her seventeen years so she merely went on missions, that's what they all did.

"Roxas, would you do something like that for your brothers?" Xion asks out of the blue.

Roxas reels.

"Huh?"

Xion giggles. "Would you help your brothers? You know, the way Xemnas is helping Xehanort? Doing it because they are blood."

"Gosh, Xion, I would hardly call them my brothers…" Roxas nervously scratches the back of his neck.

It is true. They hardly qualify as his brothers. They didn't even know one another until recently. Almost all of them were taken in by different Mastery Academies after they were orphaned.

Roxas and Ventus have told Xion that they have no memory of their lives together. Roxas was sent to Twilight Town's School of Mastery, Sora was sent to Yen Sid's Mastery School, and Ventus and Vanitas were sent to The Land of Departure's Mastery Academy… _after_ they were Master Xehanort's students… Technically, Ventus and Vanitas were from the Radiant Garden Institution of Mastery…

Ventus and Vanitas were the only ones kept together and oddly enough they seemed to loathe each other the most. Xion never understood why they were kept together and the others weren't.

All four hadn't been reunited for very long. When Yen Sid retired, he sent Sora, Riku, and Kairi to The Land of Departure and when Xemnas was found out Xion, Axel, and Roxas were also sent there.

Once they were all in the same educational institution, it was confirmed that they were brothers, which wasn't a complete surprise considering how Roxas and Ventus were almost identical. However, the boys weren't that excited about the news. They took it in stride and Xion can't wrap her mind around that. She would be ecstatic to regain a family member. She is sure she wouldn't be that passive. It was almost like they didn't know what to do with one another.

"I know… I just wondered what that felt like. You know, to have that kind of bond with someone…" Xion raves aloud with a shrug.

"If you wanted a big brother all you had to do was ask!" Axel teases and nudges Roxas, causing Roxas to nudge her.

"I didn't say that!" she shrugs off the shoves and taunting. "I was just thinking that it might be nice to have family around."

"I guess it's nice. And I suppose I would help them because they are my blood but I wouldn't do anything crazy or flat-out wrong for them. Besides, I don't really talk to them much…so it's mainly just awkward. We are all set in our ways. We were all raised differently so we kinda missed out on the whole sibling bonding thing by the time we met each other again…"

"Yeah. I see what you mean. You and Ven are practically identical but even you two are very different." Xion concurs as she finishes up her ice cream.

It took her a long time to get use to seeing someone else with Roxas's face. It was crazy enough learning Roxas had brothers, much less one that was his identical twin.

"Speaking of Ventus…" Axel smirks and Xion cringes.

_Here it comes…_

"Are you two a thing or what?" he finishes and Xion's grimace grows.

"Not…officially…"

That was a complicated situation, one she wasn't really comfortable discussing with Axel and Roxas. She loves them and she could talk to them about _almost_ anything, key word being almost. Her love life is the only thing she considers off-limits and she is sure the feeling is mutual.

Also, the fact that the guy in question is Roxas's twin brother makes this even more awkward. It took her forever to get use to the fact that they looked so much alike and even longer for her to see them as two completely different people. Which brings this back to the awkward area, Ven looks a lot like one of her best friends who she only sees as a brother.

She supposes that is why she has a bit of a mental block when it comes to Ventus, but she was getting over it and she was starting to _like_ him…

"What do you mean _'not officially'_?" Axel probes and leans so far forward he almost falls off the clock tower.

"This is awkward," Xion grumbles and desperately hopes he will take the hint.

"You've went on a few dates, right?" Roxas chimes in.

Xion hates when they gang up on her like this.

"Awkward!" she repeats and covers her ears.

"Fine!" Axel relents and falls backwards to recline. "But I better not be the last to find out when it is _official._ "

Axel could be a touch protective. Big brother syndrome she supposes.

Roxas grins at Axel and tries his best not to laugh.

"Okay. I will be sure to let you know if things get serious." Xion shakes her head.

"Damn right you will," Axel scoffs. "You have to seek our approval first."

"Says who?" Xion counters and glares over Roxas's shoulder at the redhead.

"Says me!"

"You're impossible," Xion huffs as she stands to leave.

"Whoa! Hey! Don't leave us behind!" Roxas calls before attempting to chase after her.

Axel groans when he realizes he will have to get up to follow them. He was just getting comfortable too…

* * *

Xion tries her best not to yawn in front of the man who has hired them, she really does, but she is _so_ tired it is impossible to contain it.

She lifts her hand and does her best to hide the fact that she is yawning.

It was all Axel's fault. She had lost track of time in Twilight Town, which was easy to do considering the area experienced perpetual sundown. To make matters worse, once they returned to The Land of Departure, Axel and Roxas followed her back to her dorm room, which is completely against Academy rules, but that didn't stop them. If it weren't for Naminé, her roommate, she is sure they wouldn't have left until five that morning and she had to be up at five thirty!

Oh well, it doesn't matter now. She managed to get a few hours of sleep anyway.

DiZ, the man from Radiant Garden who has requested their services, explains the situation to them. He almost sounds like a Headmaster and this shouldn't surprise her, the man used to work at a Mastery Academy. He used to be an Academy administrator before Radiant Garden's Institution of Mastery was dissolved. DiZ worked with Master Xehanort, the terminated Academy's former Headmaster, before he went off the deep end…

"They have all been seen in the woods. They are not close to town…yet, but I fear that is inevitable unless they are disposed of now," DiZ explains as he places his elbows on his desk and laces his fingers under his chin.

"Right. We will do all we can," Riku says professionally and stoically before bowing to the elder.

Xion and Naminé follow suit and bow as well.

"Thank you. You are dismissed. Come back here when you complete your task or if there is any trouble," DiZ continues before waving his hand for them to disperse.

"Yes, sir," the Academy students call in unison before they exit DiZ's study and journey back into town.

Radiant Garden is lovely. Xion always enjoys missions in this area. It is just so calm and quant. If she wasn't on a mission she would enjoy staying and relaxing for a while, but she _is_ on a mission and she is in full Black Mage garb so she has to behave herself. She is representing their guild now. Everyone that will see her will know she is from one of the Mastery Academies and with all the corruption within these institutions lately, she can't afford to tarnish their image anymore.

Xion finds herself envious of Riku and Namine's Job uniforms. They aren't nearly as decked out as she is. One of the drawbacks of her Job she supposes.

While Naminé merely wears her short, fitted white robes lined in angular, red trim classifying her as a White Mage, Xion has to wear tight, thick tunics and the signature Black Mage hat, which looks a lot like a witch hat.

Granted, her robes aren't as bad as the traditional robes were years ago. Modern adjustments have been made and she was able to wear shorter, sleeveless tunics in warmer weather, but she still has to wear bell sleeves just below shoulders and really high boots so it doesn't really matter. She is still covered head to toe in clothing and ornaments.

No surprise that the majority of her attire is black so it doesn't repel heat much, but her hat is purple and her boots and bell sleeves are also outlined in purple so she isn't _completely_ morbid.

Garment wise, Riku has it the easiest. He simply wears a little bit of armor over some regular clothes and _boom_ , people instantly know he is a Warrior. However, Xion has also seen Riku in his Dark Knight apparel, which makes her ornate Black Mage garb look simple. Dark Knights wear black armor, lots of it, and a heavy helmet is usually included. But Riku is in luck today, DiZ didn't want a Dark Knight, he just wanted a Warrior.

Truthfully, Xion can tell that Master Eraqus is reluctant to deploy and train Dark Knights in general, but the other educational institutions around the world outvoted him, it is seen as a sort of fight fire with fire technique or maybe a fight darkness with darkness technique...

Once upon a time they were against Black Mages too because it was considered a dark art, but here she is and it is viewed as normal now. Maybe with time Riku's second Job won't be regarded as taboo either.

"Did he give any specifics on where the Nobodies were spotted?" Naminé asks Riku politely.

"Nope. He just said they were in the woods…somewhere," he replies stoically.

Xion whimpers inwardly. This will probably take forever. The woods are huge so this will probably be a wild goose chase. She would rather stay in town a bit longer. It is so nice outside and she hasn't had a chance to see all the fountains and gardens yet but she isn't here to observe such things, she is here to save this community from a Nobody threat. A threat that was likely caused by her former Headmaster…

_That never gets any easier to swallow._

For a long time, the trio investigates the woods and only found a few Nobodies. Xion is disappointed. She wanted more action than this. There are only standard Nobodies in these woods, nothing but Dusks.

When Aqua said it wasn't going to be anything grueling, Xion wasn't thinking she meant _boring_. Xion is pretty sure she and Naminé could have handled this alone. Hell, Xion is pretty sure _she_ could have done this alone. It is a minor infestation to say the least.

"How bored are you?" Xion playfully asks the silver-haired Warrior after he disposes of another Dusk she froze with Blizzard for him.

Riku smirks. "Do you want me to be honest or nice?"

"Honest." she chuckles into her hand.

Before Riku can reply, Naminé interrupts him.

"Xion! Look out!"

Xion's blue eyes widen and she turns to face the Dusk, only it isn't a Dusk. It is the largest Nobody she has ever seen. It towers above the trees and looms over them as if they are bugs to be squashed.

It hardly registers how huge this thing is and it _really_ doesn't register as to how this massive thing managed to get the jump on them, but that is how Nobodies and Heartless work. One moment they aren't there, the next they are.

It is a Twilight Thorn, probably the largest Nobody in existence. Its body defies biology and physics. Its shoulders and feet come to sharp points and they almost imitate the Nobody insignia while its head is probably the smallest part of the colossus.

The Nobody's massive, white claw plummets from the sky to crush her and she doesn't have a chance to react. It is all happening too fast and it is much too close to her.

Xion hears Naminé cast a Protect spell on her form and she instinctively casts Firaga knowing it will do little to no good long before it ever connects with the Nobody's palm.

The Twilight Thorn merely flinches but still swats her across the woodland as if she were a fly. The Protect spell and her Fire only kept the initial blow from killing her but as she helplessly flies through the air she is pretty sure whatever she collides with _will_ kill her.

Xion is ripped apart by terrain, blanches, limbs, and tree bark as she flails through the air and tries to regain control of her body.

The young Black Mage wishes she were a bird or anything with wings. It would make this a lot easier to manage.

She claws at air, hoping to get a hold of anything that will slow her down. She twists and turns through the air and tries to do something, anything that might help her get footing on the illusive ground, but she is starting to think the ground doesn't exist anymore.

Her back hits a massive oak tree and all the air leaves her lungs. She is pretty sure her entire vertebral column is shattered. She probably won't ever be able to walk again.

Xion crumples to the ground and she feels herself slipping. Into what she doesn't know, she just knows she is falling. Again.

With the last of her strength, she manages to grab the tree root nearest to her and tries to hoist herself back onto stable ground. Her strength fails her as consciousness quickly starts to fade. Everything blurs and she isn't sure what she is holding onto and why, so she lets go.

Xion is falling again. She is pretty sure she is rolling down a steep hill of sticks and thorns before the sound of rushing water invades her ears.

Before she can fully recognize the sound, she is smothered by cool, rushing water. She can't breath and she can barely see. Everything is blurred and murky. Then, all at once, something sharp and hard crashes into the back of her head and her whole world goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!
> 
> So this one is a Xion and Vanitas story set in a Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy universe. In my opinion, there are enough Vanitas and Xion stories floating around out there so I am doing my part and contributing!
> 
> Anyway! I hope you enjoyed the introduction chapter and thanks again for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Sometimes,** Vanitas doubles as an undertaker. He often gets jobs that no one else wants to do and sometimes, being an undertaker is that job. Someone has to do it. Someone has to deal with death and carnage and since he is the only one around that can handle it, he often turns into that person. However, they never call him an undertaker. Instead, they call him a _'tracker.'_ It sounds a bit nicer.

Vanitas strolls through Radiant Garden, hands in his ebony pockets as he makes his way to DiZ's study. He didn't put on any of his Job attire before he came here. That would be stupid considering he isn't here on a mission, he is there to find a body so he merely put on his Academy uniform; his crimson short sleeve button up, black tie, and ebony slacks. He thought that would be appropriate attire for an undertaker.

No one really speaks to him as he is escorted to the former administrator's room by stiffs in strange, navy uniforms. They know why he is here. That or they remember him from the time he attended the Radiant Garden School of Mastery… Both are strong possibilities.

His tawny eyes survey his former Academy as he walks through the aging corridors that lead to the old Headmaster's office, _Xehanort's_ old office. He hasn't been here since before he and Ven were transferred to the Land of Departure. They probably don't want him getting ideas by returning to the place where he served and trained under Master Xehanort. They don't send Ven here either, but that is more out of sympathy and pity than out of fear. Master Xehanort didn't _want_ Ventus…

"DiZ and your comrades are inside," a man with thick, curly maroon hair informs tersely and Vanitas can't help but smirk. This man dislikes him already. The feeling is mutual.

"I can take it from here, gentlemen," the raven-haired warrior sneers and looks at them expectantly.

"You can go now," he adds and folds his arms over his chest in annoyance when the guards cannot take a hint. His smirk vanishes and he replaces it with a deep scowl.

Eventually, the men Vanitas has _affectionately_ nicknamed dumb and dumber (mentally, of course, he would never actually call them that to their faces) leave.

He doesn't knock before entering. He doesn't think it is necessary. They are probably expecting him. After all, they are the ones that called the Academy requesting his services.

When he enters the room, Naminé and Riku are already there. The blonde sits in a chair near DiZ's desk while the silver-haired male fretfully paces around the desk like an agitated cat.

They look like hell; covered in dirt and grime. Naminé looks like she is on the verge of tears and judging by the puffiness around her bright eyes she has already been crying. Her plump, pink lip is trembling but she is trying to hide that behind a gray mug probably filled with some warm, soothing beverage.

Riku looks frazzled, clearly tired and unnerved. Twigs are nestled in his hair and mud is smeared across his face. He looks damp. His pants are wet and his feet are covered in mud.

The last twenty-four hours have not been good to them.

"Hello, Vanitas," DiZ is the first to address him or even notice him for that matter and, damn, does he look different! The last time he laid eyes on DiZ he was a snooty blonde guy who had a different neckerchief for every day of the week but now...he has covered most of his face in vermillion wrappings complete with a black belt to hold them secure around his head. He wears strange robes of crimson and black with gold trim on his body. If Vanitas didn't recognize his unique voice, he would have never guessed that this was the same guy that was Xehanort's administrator another lifetime ago.

"Rough day?" Vanitas asks and while what he says isn't nice, it isn't as rude as it could have been.

Naminé snivels and whimpers in response. DiZ doesn't respond at all and Vanitas is not surprised. He and Xehanort didn't part on good terms and he is pretty sure DiZ never liked him to begin with; not that many people do.

"We can't find her," Riku states as he stops his pacing and straightens his posture. Didn't do him much good. He still looked like shit walked over twice.

"Find who?" Vanitas sighs in annoyance. "I'm not a mind reader. You are going to have to tell me whose body I'm looking for."

The White Mage is full on crying by the time the word _'body'_ leaves his lips.

"Xion," Riku snaps, a mixture of hurt and anger in his tone.

Vanitas's eyes almost widen. Almost. He is almost saddened upon hearing whom has been struck down. Almost. Were Vanitas able to feel such thoughtful sentiments, he would probably feel them for her. Probably, but he has no way of knowing that for sure.

"A search party is still looking for her in the woods but we aren't having any luck and it is getting dark. A Twilight Thorn knocked her across the woods. By the time we defeated it, we had lost track of her..."

Vanitas nods. "Take me to where you saw her last."

* * *

Night is closing in on them and that will make this ' _search and rescue',_ as they are choosing to call it, harder. If Vanitas hadn't been drug all the way out here, he would recommend that they just call it a day and start again in the morning. However, he has been drug all the way out here so he isn't about to just turn back around and leave. Plus he is pretty sure Xion's friends won't let him until he at least _attempted_ to find her, or her corpse. Whichever.

Riku led Vanitas through the endless wood to the fallen titan, the Twilight Thorn.

"Looks like Xemnas has learned some new tricks. This guy is massive," Vanitas commends, his tone almost exhilarated as he crouches down to examine the dissolving colossus. He has seen Twilight Thorns before but he has _never_ seen one this big! "Better tell Eraqus that Xemnas is learning how to control bigger ones."

Riku nods. "This was the last place we saw her."

"Do you know the direction he hurled her toward?" Vanitas asks flatly as he stands up and examines the area for clues; broken branches, grooves in the dirt, anything that might help him track her.

"North, I thought, but we haven't been able find to anything in that direction," the silver-haired warrior responds, his eyes weary and worn.

"Thanks…" the black-haired male sneers and oozes derision. "That's… _helpful_."

"I guess I'll head east?" Riku announces as Vanitas treks further into the blackening woodland.

Vanitas waves dismissively over his shoulder. Riku assumes that because he has come there to help them find this body, they will be working together. He is wrong. This isn't a team effort. Vanitas doesn't believe in teamwork. To him, teamwork means everyone else staying out of his way while he does what needs to be done.

It is officially dark and Vanitas is having trouble seeing. Dusks are popping up every now and then, and he is grateful the damn things are white and not black like Heartless.

This mission is clearly a complete bust. These woods are still infested as far as he can see. Riku and Naminé obviously fell apart at the seams when Xion was killed. They defeated the Twilight Thorn but totally abandoned everything after that.

This is why Vanitas thinks their personal relationships with one another are absurd. They do nothing but inhibit. At the end of the day, it is just a nuisance that keeps them from doing what needs to be done.

Sensitivity and attachment are weaknesses. Of that, he is certain and there is nothing that Eraqus and his instructors can say or do will convince him otherwise.

As Vanitas works his way through the woods like a blind man, he almost kills several morons that from DiZ's search party. Gangly, incompetent fools all of them. They squeal like girls and flee in the opposite direction, screaming apologies as they scamper out of his way.

He will say one thing for them; they can take a hint better than Riku can. They know he doesn't need or want their assistance. They know this isn't about teamwork almost instantly.

There is a small body of water nearby. He can't see it (he can't see much of anything, actually) but he hears it. His instincts tell him to follow it.

Vanitas walks towards the sound of rushing water and carelessly falls face first off a steep bluff. He rolls down the ledge but regains his balance before he completely falls into the water. However, he isn't able to stop himself before he lands into the muck that apparently, creates the riverbank.

" _Damn it!_ " Vanitas howls as he wretches his wrists and ankles out of the thick slop.

As he heaves himself out of the mire he sees something strange out of the corner of his eye. It is nestled underneath a massive tree root and it would go unseen unless someone was within the riverbed like he was. The object clearly isn't a part of the tree root and it isn't mud or rocks.

The crimson warrior continues slinging the mud and sludge off his hands as he walks toward the tree root that is growing down the towering ridge that forms a sort of border around the river.

He kneels down into the mud and feels around for the foreign object. His hands come into contact with what feels like silky cloth. It jingles a little when he lifts it and he realizes it is a Black Mage hat, Xion's. If he has to guess, he figures Xion fell into this river somehow and slipped downstream. She is either way downstream or at the bottom of this body of water. Why no one else thought of this is beyond him. It seems like a reasonable assumption to him. But then again, they are looking for a living breathing Xion while he is just looking for her body.

Halfway down the stream, Vanitas sees something washed up on the bank amidst several rocks that line the waterway. It isn't moving but it has an unnatural form. Like the Black Mage hat, he probably wouldn't have seen it if he hadn't fallen down into this pit of a river earlier.

Usually, Vanitas is all about being in the dark. It is his favorite time of day and black is probably his favorite color. Well, technically, black isn't a color. It is more of the lack thereof but who cares. The point is, Vanitas has no qualms with dark things, given he is a being of darkness himself, but he is _really_ getting tired of not being able to see anything in this damn forest. He likes to think that he has better night vision than most but it is a new moon and even he is struggling within this immense gloom.

He wadded into the shallow water and approached the strange form sprayed out along the rocky bank.

Reaching out, he touches the mass and it is soft, almost mushy. He recognizes the texture of smooth skin.

It is a body.

Vanitas sighs heavily and prepares to haul it out of the water after gazing at her muddled form blankly for a drawn out moment. He grabs what he thinks is a muddy arm and hoists the sopping, waterlogged body up and out of the rushing fluid. His hand detects that the arm he holds is cold but not stiff. She probably hasn't been dead long.

Good. That will make lugging her back to the former Academy a lot easier; the fact that she isn't that heavy is also a pleasant surprise. Xion was a petite girl and for that, he is grateful.

Again, Vanitas is almost saddened by her passing. Almost. She was always nice to him. Regardless of what he did and she was kind of cute in that annoying, obnoxious kind of way.

Memories start to bubble up on the surface of his brain but he quickly represses them with a shake of his head.

Pushing the almost mournful thoughts away, Vanitas bends over and prepares to heave her over his shoulders, but a whimper of protest stops him.

"Wha-!" he yells and almost drops her back in the water but manages to loop his arms underneath hers before she immerses herself back into the blackened body of water.

He isn't sure what being more afraid of a live body than a dead one says about him…

Vanitas grabs her but the joint and sudden movements are too much and he falls to his knees with a frustrated growl. Xion's head lobs over and crashes against his chest causing him to grimace. He isn't sure which is more unpleasant, being almost waist deep in chilly water or having Xion flush against him.

"You're still kicking?" he asks as he tries to reestablish his hold on her and get back to his feet without being hauled downstream.

Xion groans a little more.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'," he replies emotionlessly and tosses her over his shoulder once his feet connect with dry ground.

The black-haired girl whimpers again and he can feel her soggy body wriggling against his shoulder, her soft voice vibrating against his shoulder. The contact makes him uneasy so he shifts her so she feels more like a strange satchel instead of a person.

He carries Xion through the gloomy woods and looks for Riku or any member of the search party wandering around the woodland. He doesn't find anyone so he takes it upon himself to take her back to the old abandoned Academy himself. Let DiZ call off his worthless hounds if they haven't abandoned him and retreated already.

"Hey!" he roars as he busts into the aged establishment, leaving muddy footprints in his wake. "I found her!"

"For heaven's sake, keep your voice down!" a strange man with dull blonde hair and wild, green eyes chides as he storms up to him. "This isn't a tavern!"

"I didn't say that it was!" Vanitas counters, keeping his voice raised out of spite. "She needs help!"

"She isn't dead?" the man in the blinding lab coat reels and shuffles around him in order to look at the girl slung over Vanitas's shoulder.

"Not yet, but she will be if you don't help us," Vanitas replies coldy and shifts the young woman on his shoulder.

"Follow me," he instructs with a haughty sigh and points over his shoulder.

Vanitas follows for Xion's sake, not because he wants to take instructions from the idiot in scientist clothing.

The scientist leads them to what Vanitas recognizes as the old infirmary and points to the bed.

Vanitas places the Black Mage on the bed and intently watches the man with green eyes put on some latex gloves. He proceeds check her vitals and hook her up to an IV. As he watches him, he instantly recognizes him as Even. He was Radiant Garden's medic when the Academy was still in practice. It has been so long since he was enrolled there he had almost forgotten him.

"I will go inform DiZ that she has been retrieved and that things have not gone as planned. Stay with her until the White Mage arrives to treat her," Even orders as he removes his latex gloves and throws them in a nearby waste can.

"What?!" Vanitas reels. "Stay with her?"

"Calm down, Vanitas. It will only take a moment," the scientist rebukes him and leaves the room.

"But…!" the crimson warrior calls after him but it is too late. He was already gone and he was left alone…with her. "Damn…"

After kicking at the ground in frustration, Vanitas plops down in the chair that sits at the foot of the bed and finds himself staring at… _her_.

Xion is pale. Paler than he has ever seen her before. She is taking shallow breaths, and every now and then she grimaces. She is probably in pain, probably has some internal bleeding, and some broken bones. He is glad he isn't her.

With a sigh, he leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees and stares at the linoleum of the floor.

Being alone with her makes him uncomfortable; come to think of it, _everything_ involving her makes him uncomfortable. He doesn't know why but he doesn't dwell on it. It is too messy. That is a nasty internal debate for another day.

He didn't know why she always made him feel funny but he _did_ know that he didn't want to leave her until he knew she was all right. However, he didn't really want to stay with her either. He is contradicting himself…

Vanitas runs a hand down his damp face in vexation before hearing the sound of groaning and rustling sheets. His head pops up and his eyes pop out as he sees Xion starting to stir.

The raven-haired girl whimpers and rolls onto her side. Her head is killing her and her back hurts. A lot. She doesn't remember where she is, how she got there, or why she is in so much pain.

Sapphire eyes open and slowly regard the room. Now she is really confused. She is in a room she has never seen before.

_That is discouraging,_ she thinks privately as she gradually comes to.

Her blue eyes scour the room for any signs of familiarity and find Vanitas lazily sitting in a chair at the foot of her bed. He is covered in mud and mire and he is clearly waterlogged. Water is rolling off of his limp hands and she can faintly hear the moisture dripping onto the linoleum flooring. A few drops cling to his face and mingle with the slop that is smeared across his face. There is an unreadable expression plastered to his grimy face.

"Vanitas?" she croaks, her voice weak and rough.

Vanitas stiffens and straightens his posture under her feeble gaze.

"Yeah?" It comes out harsher than he meant it to.

"What… What happened…? Where…? Why?" She tries to sit upright but she fails. She only gets her head off the pillow before she goes crashing back down onto the cot.

"You—"

"Xion!" Naminé interrupts him as she flies into the spacey room. "Thank goodness you are alive!"

Xion's ebony brow creases. "I was dead?"

"You were attacked by a Twilight Thorn, remember?" Riku inquires as he enters the room with DiZ and Even on his heels.

The instant Riku informs her that she was attacked by a Twilight Thorn, everything comes rushing back; the mission, the Nobodies, the really _big_ Nobody, the being knocked through the woods, the hitting a tree, the falling into water, and finally, the passing out.

Xion grimaces as she remembers why she is in so much pain. "Yeah. I remember."

Naminé proceeds to get on the bed and examines her cynically while Even inspects the IV in her arm. The White Mage is scanning for wounds. Xion knows that look well. This isn't the first time she has suffered from injuries nor is it the first time Naminé had treated her wounds.

"DiZ," Xion addresses the cloaked man apprehensively. "I am _so_ sorry about all this…"

She has failed. She went on a mission and failed. She was defeated and almost killed. This is very unprofessional and careless on her part. She is ashamed on so many different levels. Not to mention this will delay her Mark of Mastery Exam. This failure will go on her record and will be put into account when the Masters judge when she is worthy of taking her Mark of Mastery Exam.

"You are almost killed during a mission _I_ hired you to do and you are apologizing to me?" DiZ chortles in the back of his throat.

Xion does her best to sit up and address everyone properly but her tormented head seems intent on keeping her prostrate. "Was the threat defeated? Was the mission completed? Were we successful?"

"There are still Nobodies scattered throughout the woodland around the city but the majority of them were thwarted. Obviously, your accident did cause a bit of a hiccup but the threat is at bay for now," DiZ explains stoically, his arms held firmly behind his back.

"The Academy will be sending Aqua to help us finish the mission tomorrow," Riku says and that makes her feel a bit better about what happened but that doesn't change the fact that Aqua shouldn't have to come here at all. Her failure will cost the Academy time and money. Not to mention she will be seen as incompetent and a liability for a while. This must be how Vanitas feels all the time...

"Wait," she adds when she realizes there is one less person in the room. "Why is Vanitas here?"

"We couldn't find you after the Twilight Thorn attacked you. We searched for a long time but we couldn't find you. After twenty-four hours and after seeing the way that thing hit you we had to assume…" Naminé whispers, her voice breaking.

"We called the Academy and they sent Vanitas here to help us find you," Riku finishes for the blonde girl. "He is the one that found you and brought you back here."

"He... He is the one that saved me?" Xion asks, her voice barely over a whisper and she isn't even sure if she said it out loud or not.

"I hate to be rude," Naminé's voice brings her out of her musings. "But she has some serious injuries that I need to attend to so if the gentlemen would please leave the room?"

That is the last thing Xion hears before her head hits the pillow, unconsciousness mercilessly claiming her yet again.

* * *

"I can't thank you enough for saving her!" Naminé squeals for the umpteenth time and hugs him for like the fourth.

He doesn't return the gesture but he _does_ refrain from shoving her off him, which in Vanitas's world is the equivalent of reciprocation.

He should have left while he had the chance. Why in the _hell_ did he stay? What on earth possessed him to wait outside to make sure that _girl_ was okay?

"I didn't save her," he explains. Again. "I just found her and brought her back here. She isn't alive because of anything I did. See, there is this magical thing called _a will to live_ …"

"Just take the damn gratitude," Riku hisses and glares daggers at him.

Golden eyes roll and his arms fold over his chest.

It isn't his fault he can't accept gratitude. It isn't like it's something he receives often. In fact, finding Xion is the first thing anyone has praised him for in…a long, long, _long_ time… Finding her made him feel like he had actually done something…right.

Maybe that is why he couldn't bring himself to leave. Maybe he wanted to make sure he hadn't failed at the one thing he had done right in years.

True, it was an accident and he wasn't there to 'save her', he was there to retrieve a body but the result was the same.

"I'm going to go check on her and try to treat her injuries some more," Naminé announces before she vanishes back inside the old Academy infirmary.

"You can go now. Thanks for helping us," Riku expresses his appreciation professionally before following Naminé into the infirmary.

Vanitas drums his fingers on his arms. He is at a loss. He isn't quite sure what he will do now.

He could stay in Radiant Garden but no one really wants him here, not that anyone wants him back at the Land of Departure either.

It is hard to find places to go when no one wants you. Well, one person wants him but he isn't allowed to be near him. Not that Vanitas needs permission to go to his old Master or anything. Besides, he doesn't even know where Master Xehanort is.

While debating on whether or not he wants to go back to the Land of Departure during the middle of the night, he wanders through the halls of the abandoned Radiant Garden Institution of Mastery.

His old Academy looks a lot different now that it is deserted and abandoned. They have remodeled and it looks more like a research facility or laboratory now, which is basically what it is. The classrooms are now rooms where experiments and research is conducted. Men in white coats and guard uniforms wander the halls instead of students. The Headmaster's office is now DiZ's study. It is a completely different organization now.

When he comes full circle and arrives back at the infirmary entrance, Naminé is waiting outside.

"Oh, good! You haven't left yet," she says and Vanitas gives her a funny look. "She wants to see you."

"Huh?" the gruff word comes out long before he can stop it.

Naminé giggles. "Xion wants to see you. I think she wants to thank you."

Vanitas doesn't understand them; any of them; the goody-goodies. They are all misguided and strange. They are too attached to each other, they are clingy, annoyingly pleasant, naïve, and irrational. Just because he accidentally saved her, he is suddenly part of the good guy group? It makes no sense but for some reason, he enters the infirmary anyway.

Xion is sitting up in bed now. The color has returned to her cheeks and there is light behind her eyes. She looks better. The White Mage has clearly put her hands on her, but she still looks rough. She is still damp, muddy, and covered in scrapes and bruises but she looks better than she did an hour ago.

"What?" he snaps and she looks taken back.

"Oh…um…" Xion begins twiddling her fingers and nervously playing with her IV. "I just wanted to thank you."

"For?"

"For bringing me back, I guess…"

Vanitas realizes this is the most she has spoken to him in a while. He still remembers when she didn't speak at all. For a long time, he thought she was mute. All she did for the longest time was whisper to Axel and Roxas or hide behind them when he got too close. He would have sworn she was afraid of him. Maybe she still is.

"I would probably still be out there or dead if it weren't for you. And I'm sorry you got roped into this mess because I was careless," she adds when he does nothing but stare at her.

"Are you done?" he asks curtly, his arms folded.

Xion smiles at him a little. His shoulders tense and he has taken in a sharp inhale that he is now holding tightly within his lungs.

"Yeah. I think so," she responds sweetly.

The little twinkle in her eyes is back and it makes him uncomfortable. _She_ _always_ makes him uncomfortable and the worst part is he doesn't get why! She has just always had that power over him..

His discomfort is his cue to leave so he makes a break for the door while he still has the gall to, before that annoying urge to stay with her and ensure that she is all right returns.

"Vanitas?" she calls and the way she says his name is almost melodic. She says his name like it is a name instead of saying it like it is a hex, curse, or profanity. She doesn't say his name much, but when she does, it is noted that she treats his name with care. If he were honest with himself, he would admit that he likes the way she says it. Too bad he isn't honest with himself.

Vanitas doesn't respond, but he does halt his advance and turn his head in her direction.

"Thanks again. I mean it."

"Sure," he scoffs and she simpers knowing that his response is as close to a 'you're welcome' as she will get.


	3. Chapter 3

**Xion** is out of commission for about a week. She goes to classes but isn't allowed to do anything strenuous like missions or training for a while. She had a concussion, a few fractured ribs, and a couple broken places in her back. Needless to say she was a mess for a while, even with the aid of Naminé's magic treatments.

Axel and Roxas stayed with her a lot. They brought her food and helped her with little things around her dorm while she was on bed rest.

Then, when she was able to return to class, Ventus took over. He carried her books, walked her to class, and basically waited on her hand and foot. She was lucky to have him but now that she is almost back to one hundred percent, it is becoming…tiresome.

Ventus came to her room after class. He helped her carry her books back to her dorm and now he is lingering within her room while she tries to tackle the stack of school work that has grown much too large during her recovery.

"He asked about you," Ven says as he lies on his back across her bed within her dorm room, repeatedly throwing a stress ball that looks like a brain at her ceiling.

"Who?" Xion asks, her eyes not leaving the makeup work she has sprayed across her desk. Aqua managed to cut her a break but she is still drowning in assignments… The instructors understand getting hurt and near death experiences are part of their job and that they are unavoidable but that isn't an excuse. Life goes on and you have to bounce back.

"Vanitas," he replies and she freezes.

"How so?" Xion inquires calmly as to not show just how much her curiosity is peaked.

It is no secret that Ventus and Vanitas aren't too crazy about each other. Ventus doesn't necessarily like his brother but he is relatively indifferent and plays nice majority of the time. Vanitas, however, displays a clear hatred of Ventus.

"He wasn't polite or anything but did hint that he wanted to know how you were…in his own weird Vanitas kind of way," Ventus answers flatly and stares holes in the blank ceiling above her bed.

"Were you nice?" Xion simpers at him over her shoulder.

"Of course!" he props himself onto his elbows in order to sit upright and fully regard her. "I'm always nice!"

Were it anyone else, she would instantly call bullshit but this is Ventus, he _is_ always nice.

"I even thanked him for saving you," he adds and for some reason, Xion's face heats.

"T-that was nice of you." She nervously places a lock of ebony behind her ear.

"I meant it," he says as he gets up and approaches her. "I am grateful to him for saving you."

His hands find her shoulders and he begins massaging.

Xion tries her best not to freeze up but that is usually what happens when things get physical between her and Ventus; not that things have gone that far to begin with…

Honestly, she doesn't know why she always chokes and freezes up when things get physical. It is just what she does when things heat up. Maybe this is why she and Ventus aren't official; it is at least one of the reasons. She isn't sure what the others are…there is just something off or missing between them.

"Are you going to the party this weekend?" he asks and continues his ministrations.

"What party?" her brow furrows as she stares at the gray protocol book in front of her.

Ven usually isn't much of a party person and neither is she. Normally, the only parties they attend are the graduation parties that occur after someone passes their Mark of Mastery Exam and graduates. Xion isn't aware of anyone graduating so this topic takes her by surprise.

"The one at being thrown on the Summit this weekend," he answers matter of factly as if she should already know about it.

"Does Master Eraqus know about it?"

"Probably but he is probably turning the other cheek like he usually does with stuff like this." Ventus shrugs and picks a pen off of Xion's desk before proceeding to play with it.

Xion nods.

"So are you going?" he probes, nervously and rapidly clicking the pen's tip.

"I hadn't planned on it but I didn't know about it until about five seconds ago…"

"I'd like it if you went. We could go together," he says apprehensively, his eyes glued to the floor. He is clearly nervous.

A small smile blooms across Xion's lips. "I guess I could pry myself away from all my makeup work…"

* * *

Parties are not Vanitas's scene. Free booze and loose girls, however, are, which is the only reason why he is here. However, in order to obtain those things, he has to interact with the people he detests and the whole _motley crew_ of goody-goodies is here.

The Summit is buzzing with music, chatter, and debauchery. The sheep seem to be having fun. Vanitas thinks of his peers as sheep simply because he feels like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Also because sheep are the dumbest farm animals but that fact is merely an amusing bonus for him.

When Vanitas was transferred here after Xehanort's descent, the Masters publically dubbed him a wolf and proceeded to put him in sheep's clothing. Because that makes _so_ much sense!

The shepherds brought a wolf into the flock, told the sheep about the wolf, then, tried to turn said wolf into a sheep. Nevertheless, sheep are still sheep and a wolf is still a wolf. You can feed a wolf grass and tell him it is meat all day long but the wolf will still want meat. It will still be his nature to be a predator and one day, natural instinct will be too much and one if not all of the sheep will be consumed. A wolf is still a wolf underneath the façade of snowy wool. He will still have fangs. He will still crave meat. He will still do what nature tells him to do.

The wolf is hunting now, but he is craving a different kind of flesh at the moment. No one will be eaten tonight. He is too full of vegetation to want a big meal so he will stick to his vegetarian diet.

Golden eyes work through the crowds in search of a potential candidate that can fulfill his carnal craving. His eyes are ravenous as he looks for the right girl. She always has a look to her. She will want it as much as he does. He has the whole bad boy thing going for him. Getting girls is not a problem.

Naminé, Kairi, and Xion come into view and he decides that getting certain… _types_ of girls is not a problem. Girls like them are much too smart to go anywhere near the wolf. They remember he is a wolf. They know the dangers, they know better than to get too close to the wolf that could ultimately destroy them.

Vanitas sighs and leans further into the stone walling that surrounds pieces of the Summit, hoping he can somehow become part of the shadow the nearby golden lantern is creating.

"Tonight the night?" Vanitas hears Terra's obnoxious voice nearby and his eyes automatically roll. Not even his calculated distance and isolation can save him from some conversations and eavesdropping.

He slowly begins to realize if tall, dark, and broody is here, Aqua must be here somewhere too.

That is unfortunate. Aqua is consistently a problem for him and she is a total buzz kill. Talk about a stiff. He doesn't see what Terra sees in her. She is pleasing to the eye no doubt, but her personality is…off-putting.

 _To each his own_ , Vanitas muses.

"I think so," a second voice replies and he instantly recognizes that this voice emerges from the vocal chords of his _brother_ , Ventus. "Fingers crossed!"

"She likes you. You got this!" Terra replies and Vanitas almost drops his drink when he realizes what they are talking about.

No, no, no! He does not want to be hearing this! He isn't _nearly_ drunk enough to be hearing this! He needs at least ten more drinks before he can listen to Ven talk about his potential girlfriend and his sexual conquests.

Vanitas starts to leave but realizes there aren't many places for him to go. They have cornered him. He hesitates but only for a moment before trying to make a break for it.

No, he doesn't have anywhere to go but _anywhere_ is better than here listening to Ven talk about things that make him feel strange.

"Hey, Vanitas!" Ventus calls.

"Son of a b—" he hisses under his breath before turning to face his _dear brother._

"Hi… _bro_!" he fakes it since he can no longer escape. His greeting is far too kind and exaggerated to be genuine or even somewhat sincere. "How is it going?"

Vanitas has been talking to Ven _way_ too much lately…

"Good! You?" as Ventus replies Vanitas really thinks his brother might be one of the most naïve people alive. Ven is either the dumbest person alive or the kindest. Maybe both. Either way, he chose to completely ignore his obvious scorn. The same couldn't be said for Terra. If Terra could catch the sarcasm he threw at Ven then anyone could! He is as dumb as the rocks he is named after.

"Fine." Vanitas bars his fangs at Ven in what is supposed to be a forced smile.

"Vanitas, you are friends with Xion, right?" Terra probes and Vanitas deflates a little inside.

"Depends on what you consider a friend…"

"She is one of the few people that doesn't flat-out hate you. In your case, that is what's considered a friend," Terra replies arrogantly and folds his arms over his broad chest.

Vanitas wants to know when Terra learned how to push his buttons so well. Probably sometime after he made his blue-haired girlfriend's life a living hell…

"Fine. I'll bite. She is my… _friend_." Vanitas rolls his tawny eyes and tries his best not to choke on the word 'friend.'

"Then please tell Ventus that she likes him and that he should just go for it and make it official." Terra hauls an arm over Ventus's shoulder and rustles his flaxen hair.

"She likes you. You should just go for it and make it official," Vanitas repeats Terra's words robotically through gritted teeth before walking off briskly.

He needs a drink…or two…or three…or fifty.

* * *

Xion sits in Ventus's lap while he talks to anyone and everyone. She didn't want to sit in his lap. She isn't crazy about public displays of affection but the only way she is going to be near him is if she sits in his lap while he sits on one of the few stone benches available on the Summit. All the other seats around him are taken and he insisted and she doesn't have to heart to tell him 'no'; it would feel like kicking a puppy.

Ventus is so outgoing it's impressive. Why he likes someone like her is still a mystery. She is so inverted and shy around people she doesn't know and he is the complete opposite. Ven doesn't meet a stranger. Opposites attract she supposes.

"Is Vanitas drunk?" Sora asks as he eyes the dark-haired Keyblade wielder across the Summit.

"He shouldn't be…" Ventus says and follows Sora's gaze.

"He is," Aqua confirms dejectedly.

There is a collective groan around their small group. Vanitas isn't supposed to drink, but he does. He isn't supposed to do anything that might make him snap. He isn't supposed to do anything that might compromise this fragile mental state, anything that might make him lose control, or anything that might fuel his savage darkness. He isn't supposed to, but he does. Frequently.

"Don't look at me." Aqua reclines and holds her hands up in mock surrender. "I'm off the clock. I'm not responsible for him again until Monday morning."

"He is eighteen. _No one_ should be responsible for him," Axel slurs before angling his glass vertical to get every last drop of his drink.

"But we _are_ responsible for protecting the balance," Naminé points out politely. "So technically we are responsible for him… You know, in a round about way."

Xion nods her head in silent agreement.

"I'm kind of with Aqua on this…" Riku chimes in as he swirls his drink around in his cup. "I'm not on a mission and I'm not in class. Right now, I'm not responsible for anything pertaining to the Academy or the balance…"

There are soft grumbles of agreement.

"Can't we just have fun tonight?" Kairi asks softly, her eyes wandering from person to person. "Isn't that the whole point of nights like tonight? Us being able to be normal teenagers for a little while?"

"Yeah!" Axel howls and holds his empty glass up before almost flipping off the stone bench he sits upon.

Xion giggles after rolling her eyes.

"I better talk to him…" Ventus relents and gently shifts Xion out of his lap.

"Why?" Roxas asks as Ven rises to his feet. "He won't listen. It won't do any good…"

"Probably not." Ventus concurs and shrugs. "But if I talk to him, we can say we tried. We won't be liable anymore that way."

Ven makes his way across the Summit and approaches his sibling who is seducing some brown-haired girl with the charm of darkness itself. Ventus cannot hit on girls that well while sober and the fact that Vanitas can while drunk makes him feel inadequate. In an odd way, he is almost jealous of Vanitas because he is _everything_ he isn't and vice versa.

"Ventus, if you talk to me one more time today, I _swear_ you are going to lose a limb," Vanitas threatens without looking away from his next conquest.

"How much have you had to drink?" Ventus speaks anyway, accepting the fact that Vanitas may very well follow through with his threat.

Frustration rolls off Vanitas in waves as he turns to face him.

"Enough," he sneers and Ven notes that his voice is sober but his eyes aren't. His normally golden eyes are the deep amber of good whiskey. "What's it to you, _little brother_?"

Ventus isn't necessarily fond of their relation either but he does not mock their bond as Vanitas does.

"I just felt inclined to make sure you are of sound mind."

Vanitas laughs in a way that makes Ventus's blood run cold. "Since when have I _ever_ been of sound mind?"

Ventus doesn't answer. His eyes merely wander to the creamy bricks that make up the bridge they stand upon.

"And don't act like you came over here out of concern. You came to save your own ass from the wrath of Eraqus. You wanted some insurance, which is very un-Ventus-like of you and I have to commend you for temporarily growing a pair, but it isn't necessary. I won't do anything that will land you and yours in hot water. _Tonight,_ " the golden-eyed man taunts darkly before casting his attention back to the brunette he is with.

"Vanitas—"

"Get out of my sight." Vanitas's tone changes from sarcastic to deadly serious so quickly Ven's head spins. "Go back to your friends, go back to your girlfriend and leave me the hell alone! Don't worry, I'll let you know if I change my mind and decide to destroy the world."

Ventus exhales harshly and surrenders. He doesn't really have a choice. He can't control Vanitas anymore than Master Eraqus can. No one can control Vanitas. Axel is more controllable than Vanitas and that is saying something!

"Well, that went well," says Ventus cheerfully as he returns to the circle. "He told me he would let us know if he decides to perform mass genocide."

"How considerate of him." Aqua smiles. "At least he gives us a thirty-second head start before he attempts to destroy the world!"

* * *

Slowly, the crowd began to dissolve and the party began to wind down. Curfew would be in effect soon, successful party or not, curfew would still happen and punishments would still be dealt. Xion often mused that they couldn't even party like normal teenagers…

Ventus and Xion walk back to her dorm at a rather brisk pace. Curfew isn't active yet but it will be soon. They are cutting it close and Xion hasn't mastered the art of sneaking out after curfew and honestly, neither has Ventus. It isn't something they do.

"Naminé in there?" Ven asks as he inspects her dorm's door as if he can see through it.

"Yeah, she bailed a while back. She likes parties and noises almost as much as I do," Xion states with a soft chuckle.

"Hey, you are a lot more social than you used to be," Ventus commends and places a hand on her shoulder in assurance. "I used to be introverted a long time ago too if you can believe it."

"You're kidding." She giggles but looks at him quizzically.

"Nope, when Vanitas and I first came here, I was recovering from a training accident with Xehanort…" Ven's eyes grow dark and his tone changes from chipper to cross. She has only seen him like this a handful of times and each time he was talking about Xehanort or his life before he came here. "I didn't really know anyone but when I met Aqua and Terra and recovered I really came out of my shell! I guess they rubbed off on me."

"I was the same with Roxas and Axel but I wasn't recovering from a training accident. I was just fresh out of an orphanage… I didn't know anyone and no one ever cared about what I said before…" Xion holds her head down and stares at her feet in a vain attempt to push the memories of neglect away. "Roxas was the first person I met that understood. He kinda went through the same thing. Being thrown into an Academy…coming from nothing, having no past, no friends, no memories. He kind of took me in, introduced me to Axel and we've been friends ever since. "

A small smile blooms across her face as she speaks of her friends.

"I'm sure once you met Axel you _had_ to learn how to talk," Ven chuckles at the thought.

"Yeah he was…bracing, at first." She continues to smile. "But now he has rubbed off on me a bit. You have too. I should probably stop hanging out with extroverts."

Ven blushes a little and her brow rises at this. "How would you feel about perpetually dating an extrovert?"

Xion blanches and her stomach ties itself in to a rigid knot. Her back is against the wall figuratively and literally and he is closing in on her. His blue eyes are lidded and he is craning his neck so he can get closer to her.

They have kissed before. This is nothing new but if she kisses back this time, it will probably mean something else. It would probably be taken as a response to his question, a positive one.

Would this kiss make it official? Did she want it to be official? Is she ready for that? Shouldn't she be surer about something like this? You either want someone or you don't, right?

"Ven!" she hears Aqua call before his lips meet hers and Xion releases a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

Ventus looks frustrated for a second before he instantly returns to his normal demeanor and faces Aqua.

"What's up?"

"We can't find Vanitas," she informs solemnly and Xion watches Ven's smile fall.

"I'll help you look for him," he replies.

"Terra is checking the classrooms and the cafeteria," Aqua explains professionally and it sounds a lot like a mission briefing. It probably is.

"I'll check the Mountain Path and the Summit," Ven replies flatly. He has gone into mission mode as well.

"Can I help?" Xion asks and holds her elbows nervously.

"Yes," Aqua responds instantly. "You can check his room and dormitory again. I was just there but he might be there now and may return there after he finishes doing whatever it is he is doing. If he hasn't gone to find Xehanort…"

All the air is sucked out of the hallway the instant Aqua mentions Vanitas's prognosis. It isn't something that is talked about much but everyone knows what Master Yen Sid has ominously predicted will happen to Vanitas at some point, what he will _do_ at some point.

Pushing the frightening thoughts away, Xion nods and begins walking down the hallway towards the boys' dorm.

"Oh, and Xion?" Aqua calls. "You may want to check some of the halls in this building too…"

Xion nods again. Aqua doesn't have to elaborate. Everyone knows Vanitas has a reputation of being a womanizer.

The black-haired mage checks her dormitory twice but she doesn't find him. However, that doesn't mean he isn't there. Vanitas is the master of avoiding curfew and sneaking out afterwards. He has mastered the system and he could easily be in any of these rooms doing _who knows what_ to _who knows whom_.

Vanitas could easily be in any of these rooms but she can't perform bed checks so checking the halls will have to suffice. If he is in one of those rooms, he will come out eventually. Besides, they aren't worried about Vanitas getting laid, they just want to know where he is so they can make sure he isn't out setting an apocalypse into motion with Xehanort.

Sometimes Xion thinks they are too paranoid when it comes to Vanitas but she supposes she understands. They need to know where he is. If he runs off it could cause a lot of problems. She gets that.

She checks the lobby and the halls, and again comes up empty-handed. When her search in the lobby and the halls prove fruitless she decides to venture outside.

Xion checks the entrances, the courtyard, and wanders around the Academy itself for a short eternity. Eventually, she hears rustling near the entrance that leads to the east wing of the Academy.

She follows the rustling and faint murmurs, and finds booted feet poking out from underneath the decorative shrubbery and vines that line the institution's stairwell.

"Vanitas?" she calls and pulls back some of the foliage.

"No," he responds and it feels like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders.

Xion kneels down beside him and tries to find the rest of his body within the shrubbery.

"It's Xion."

"Why?" he replies, incoherent.

After a few moments of indecipherable statements and illogical responses, he sits upright. The black button up shirt he wore to the party completely unbuttoned, leaving his abdomen exposed and susceptible to the moonlight crashing down around them. His already alabaster skin is even brighter against the pale rays of the moon. The contrast between his skin and the black shirt he wears only emphasizes his unique complexion. The inhuman muscles that form his abdomen ripple and cascade down to the lining of his pants and Xion's imagination fills in the blanks and she is fairly certain the sculpting continues below his waistline.

"Vanitas, do you want me to help you get back to your room?" she offers when she thinks he might comprehend what she says.

"Why…why would you do that?" he slurs and places a hand on his forehead. "I'm already there…"

"No, you are in the shrubbery by the east wing entrance," the Black Mage corrects gently.

"Why…is there…a bush by my bed?" Vanitas asks as he swats the foliage's limbs away.

Xion cannot help but chuckle as he fights with the oversized shrub. "There isn't a bush by your bed. You are outside."

"Am I outside?" his brow furrows and his eyes finally meet hers.

His eyes flare in a way that makes her feel like she shouldn't look directly into them, like she may go blind if she lets them bore into her corneas.

"Yes, Vanitas."

"Why are you in _my_ room? Shouldn't you be in Venny's room?"

Xion's face flushes.

"Who put this damn bush in here?!" he roars and proceeds to attempt to uproot the plant completely.

"No, Vanitas, stop!" Xion cries as she leaps forward to stop the assault. She grabs his wrists and gently pries his hands off the innocent plant.

When he feels her touch, he goes rigid. He is in shock and he watches her hands curiously. His expression saying that he doesn't understand why she is touching him, willingly.

"You're warm," he says matter of factly and he sobers a bit.

His scalding hands seize her wrists as hers have seized his and she jumps. His hands twitch and tighten around her wrists and his thumbs almost caress the tender flesh on the underside of her wrists that protect her pulsing veins.

"C-come on," she stutters and takes his hands instead in an attempt to stop the contact and break the trance he is in. "Let's go back."

"I-I think I fell," he informs her with a dark chuckle as he staggers to his feet.

"Yeah," she grunts in response and does her best to steady him. He is bigger than she thought he was. That or he is bigger than he was the last time she was this close to him. When she was about fourteen or fifteen, he was only a few inches taller than her but now he is _at least_ a head taller than her.

When she realizes that Vanitas will not be walking on his own, she hauls his arm over her shoulders and does her best to support his weight. She wraps one of her arms around his waist and holds his arm around her neck so he won't fall on their way back to his room.

"And you smell good…" Vanitas gave another dark chuckle and he threw his head back languidly.

"Thank you?" she replies. She really doesn't know how else to respond. It isn't like he will remember this anyway.

"Even when you were dead you smelled good. Kind of like daisies…" he raves as she leads him back into the sleeping Academy.

"Mm hmm," Xion humors him and does her best to not fall down the stairs with him. What he is doing barely qualifies as walking. He is basically dead weight, lots of it.

"I think I liked daisy first," he continues as he leans against her, his face practically in her hair and his arm tightening around her neck in an awkward embrace. "Ventus liked daisy later but daisy doesn't like me. _No one_ likes me…"

"O-okay!" she says awkwardly when they reach his hallway. "We made it to your room!"

Xion fondles the doorknob until the door gives then leads them into his room.

"Why did you help me?" he asks as they enter his living quarters. He has sobered. She can tell by the way he is speaking to her and how he isn't completely relying on her support anymore.

"Because you needed me," she replies simply before as she guides him to his bed.

Vanitas loses his footing and stumbles over a discarded gauntlet that lies upon the floor. His weight is too much and they plummet onto his bed with a collective grunt. He falls onto his back and she collapses onto his chest.

Vanitas groans from the impact and his hands instinctively find her waist. They are within dangerous proximity of each other and Xion is all over his bare chest in all the wrong and right ways. He doesn't even seem to mind! She just knew he would shove her off into the floor for violating him in such a way but he actually held onto her so she wouldn't roll off of him and hit the floor.

His golden eyes close and he holds his head back as if to let her nestle against him. His arms wind around her waist and they both grimace knowing this isn't completely right, Xion knowing more so than him.

She has no idea why Vanitas called her warm. She is like a freezer compared to the warmth that was radiating off of his slowly rising chest. It is stifling and she feels like she might suffocate. She needs to get off him.

"Mmmm," he mumbles as she shifts against him and tries to find the most appropriate way to disentangle their limbs. "Soft…"

Xion chooses to believe that he is talking about the bed and not her as she shifts along him and helplessly tries to get her feet back on the illusive floor. Seeing no other alternative, she is forced to temporarily straddle his hips. As she attempts to sit astride his hips in the most caste way possible, she carefully pries his arms off of her but not before his drunken hands glide from her waist to her hips.

She is panting and red in the face for a multitude of reasons by the time she manages to completely break free and get her feet back onto the floor.

With a sharp exhale she places her hands on her hips and stares at him as she tries to clear her hazy brain and figure out what she will do now.

"Okay," she says in between breaths. "Lets get your shoes off."

Xion is used to drunken protocol. She has had to help Axel through this kind of thing before and she realizes it is common courtesy to help them prepare for bed. It will make the shrieking headache that will surely greet him in the morning a bit better.

She kneels on the floor and slips his blackened boots off his feet before tossing them into a corner of his room where he will not trip over them.

"There," she calls playfully and pats his knees. "That's better, right?" she smiles at him although she knows he won't see it.

Xion crawls onto the bed beside him and proceeds to help him slip his arms out of his shirt. She can't tell if he is sleeping or not but she does note that he is limp. He is like putty in her hands, very unlike how he is sober.

"You know, I almost like you better this way," she teases and playfully pats his exposed chest.

"Ha," he attempts to laugh sarcastically but fails and again, she can't keep from giggling.

She does her best to place him by his pillows but he seems content to rest horizontally by his bed so she lets him. She is tired of wrestling with him anyway.

Xion ventures to his bathroom and searches for some painkillers, a waste can, and maybe something he can take for nausea. Unable to find the latter, she journeys back to his bed, places the painkillers on his nightstand and the wastebasket by his head just in case he can't make it to the bathroom in time.

"Vanitas," she whispers and sits next to him on the bed.

"Mm?"

"I'm going to go now. I've put some medicine on your nightstand and there is a garbage can in the floor if you get sick. Okay?"

"Mm." his unusual eyes try to open and regard her but they struggle to do so.

"Okay." She nods and gives his fingers a quick squeeze. "Goodnight."

Xion slips off his bed and makes her way to his door.

"Xion!" he cries and she jumps before quickly turning on her heel.

"What?!" she squeaks.

He has managed to prop himself onto his elbows and she can see those burning eyes of gold glowing like sizzling embers within the darkness around them.

"Did…did he? Are you?" he desperately tries to ask but he can't get his brain and mouth to sync up.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand. You aren't making sense…"

"Has Ventus take you? Did he take you away? Did I lose?"

"Um, no. I don't think so," she attempts to assure him although she isn't quite sure what is happening or what he is talking about.

"It's not fair," he mumbles before hauling an arm over his eyes. "I liked you first…"

Vanitas continues mumbling about unfairness, how everyone likes Ven, how Ven always gets what he wants, and several other incoherent things.

Xion can't think of a reply, she can only gape at him from his doorway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! 
> 
> I am aware that there is some Xion x Ventus elements in this story but I swear this is a Vanitas x Xion story so just trust me!
> 
> Next time we will get some flashbacks and some Vanitas and Xion backstory!
> 
> Thanks again for reading and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**The** hallway blurs and seems to go on forever as Xion tries to figure out what just happened. She is at a loss and she has no idea what to make of it, _any_ of it.

Xion supposes that it isn't really important. What is important is reporting back to Aqua and letting her know that Vanitas is all right and that he isn't out wrecking havoc. She just hopes Aqua and Ven don't ask too many questions.

As hard as she tries, Xion cannot stop hearing Vanitas' voice bouncing around in her head. At first, she thought his words were just the ravings of a man who had too many drinks but now she is starting to think there might be more to it than that.

_No. It is impossible. It's Vanitas,_ she reminds herself as she tries to shake the thoughts away.

" _Hey!"_ calls a nearby voice and Xion squabbles to regain her feeble, fleeting composure before turning to address the voice.

It is Ven. He is running down the hallway toward her, his blonde hair disheveled and his cheeks heated from exertion.

"Did…you…find…him?" he asks between breaths.

Xion can't help but grin at him as he doubles over and fights for breath. "Yeah. I found him. He is back in his room asleep. He will have a nasty hangover in the morning but other than that he should be fine."

She can practically see the relief seep off him as all the tension leaves his body.

"Thank goodness." He slaps his forehead in alleviation.

Crisis averted. They wouldn't have to worry about Vanitas anymore that night although Xion was never too worried to begin with. She seriously doubted his trigger would be drinking. It would have to be something major to send him over the edge. Actually, she really wants to ask Ven if Yen Sid ever talked to him about Vanitas' triggers. Would it be of his own free will or would it be out of his control? Vanitas was an enigma wrapped in a mystery. She only vaguely understood him and the whole strange, dark story or fate or whatever it was…

"Come on," Ven says and takes her hand in his. "Let's go find Aqua so we can tell her you found him."

* * *

Aqua is pacing around the Headmaster's office in a fizz when they finally find her. She looks like she is two seconds away from calling Master Eraqus and declaring a state of emergency.

"Please tell me you found him," she says, exasperated.

Xion has only seen Aqua frazzled a handful of times and every time it is like watching a dog walk on its hind legs. It is just unnatural.

"We found him," Xion informs quickly so Aqua will relax. "He is back in his dorm room sleeping like a baby."

Aqua releases a curt breath and collapses into the massive chair behind Eraqus' desk.

Xion knows Aqua isn't afraid of Vanitas. She has proved that time and time again. What Xion thinks Aqua is afraid of is Xehanort and how Xehanort can use Vanitas.

"Thank you for your help, Xion," Aqua expresses her gratitude with a forced smile.

Aqua reaches over the desk and begins dialing a number on a nearby phone. Xion assumes she is calling off the big guns, the big guns being Terra.

"Hey," she breathes into the receiver. "Yeah, we found him. You can head back now. Yeah. It's fine. See you in a bit. Bye."

The instructor hangs up and begins kneading her temples. "I see no reason to tell Master Eraqus about this. This will stay between us and I will just check on Vanitas in the morning. I have to retrieve his monthly journal anyway."

Ven nods but Xion is confused. "Monthly journal?"

When the question leaves her lips, Aqua immediately realizes her mistake.

"Um…" Aqua sighs. "Vanitas is required to keep journals so we can evaluate his psychological state."

"Vanitas keeps a journal?" Xion gawks. Never in a million years would she have guessed Vanitas kept a journal.

"He has kept one since we were kids," Ven explains. "Xehanort made him keep one after…"

"It seemed like a smart practice so we merely continued it after he and Ven were transferred here. Master Yen Sid thinks it is good for him although he doesn't really write much anymore," Aqua continues. "But still, it allows Master Yen Sid to see whether or not his thought process is normal. Well, as normal as Vanitas' thought process can be."

As they talk about all this, Xion starts to think maybe she _does_ know about Vanitas having a journal…

" _Xion, this is Vanitas," Master Eraqus says politely as he introduces them._

_Vanitas sits quietly underneath a small tree within the Summit. His back against the tree's sturdy trunk and his knees brought to his chest to hide the object he is writing in._

_Upon hearing the Master's voice, Vanitas sighs heavily and quickly stuffs the small, red book he was scribbling in away so he can somewhat address him. When his eyes rise to meet hers, her breath catches in her throat when she realizes his eyes are **gold.**_

_Xion has seen reddish-yellow eyes before, eyes that were almost golden but never eyes that were actually gold!_

_Xion waves meekly but all Vanitas does is glare at her, his eyes cold despite their warm hue._

_Slowly, he rises to his feet and slings his bag over his shoulder._

" _He will be accompanying you on your mission later. He has a Job as a Warrior and a Dark Knight," Eraqus states proudly but Vanitas looks far from amused._

" _Vanitas," the Headmaster continues, "Xion is from Twilight Town. She is a Black Mage and Xemnas has allowed us to borrow her skills for this mission since we are short on students with advanced black magic skills."_

" _So?" Vanitas snorts._

_Eraqus releases a defeated sigh and Xion realizes that this kind of behavior is commonplace. "So I thought you two should get to know each other a little before your mission together. You know how important trust and teamwork is."_

" _I know." Vanitas smirks and Xion notes he his smile is as charming as it is dangerous. "I just don't care."_

_Vanitas shoves his way past them and journeys back down the Mountain Path._

"Where was he?" the gruff hum of Terra's vocal chords shakes her out of her memories and she instantly wonders how long she was lost in thought.

"Uh," she drawls. "He was passed out by the east wing entrance in some shrubbery but I took him back to his room."

Terra's brow rises skeptically. "He went with you? Willingly? Did you cast Sleep on him or something?"

Xion giggles into her hand. "No. I didn't have to. He was so drunk and disoriented I think he would have let a Moogle take him back to his room."

"Well, at least he is here sleeping it off instead of running around doing wreaking havoc," Terra muses as he strolls around Master Eraqus' desk.

"We don't have to worry about him anymore tonight," Aqua concurs and Xion really wants to ask them what it is that they know that she doesn't.

Xion knows a little about Vanitas but Aqua, Terra, Ven, and the Masters clearly know more than anyone else does. They know _why_ Vanitas is Vanitas when she only knows what Vanitas is.

"What happened to him? Why is he…the way he is?" Xion asks and effectively sucks all the air out of the room.

"Xehanort," Aqua spits his name like bile.

"But what did he do to him?" Xion questions again despite her better judgment.

"Xion," Aqua's voice goes low but remains stern. "Sometimes, it's better to know nothing."

* * *

_She doesn't talk which makes him wonder how this is going to work. Perhaps Axel can translate. That is the only way he can see this mission going off without a hitch._

_Honestly, Vanitas doesn't think he needs a mage at all. They are vastly overrated but tell that to Master Eraqus and thanks to Aqua, everyone now sees mages as a necessity. Brute strength just doesn't cover it anymore, which is why he has been grouped with Xion and Naminé. Axel is the second layer of strength to help balance out their little party. Vanitas doesn't think he needs him to complete this mission either but since Xion cannot speak, perhaps Axel can be useful after all._

" _Do you speak?" Vanitas demands as he basically stands on top of her._

_Xion visibly shrinks and takes an uneasy step toward Axel as if trying to vanish behind him. Her eyes fall to the ground and she remains mute. This angers him further._

" _She's worthless. Is it too late to trade her in for someone else? I'm willing to take the Red Mage at this point. At least she isn't dumb," Vanitas insults and rolls his eyes._

" _Xion isn't worthless and she isn't dumb," Axel retorts and the fact that he is protective of her isn't lost on him. What Axel could possibly have in common with the mute Black Mage is beyond him. Axel had a thing for hanging with children and Vanitas thinks that is because Axel is a child himself although he was older than most of them._

" _Then she is broken." Vanitas smirks, fangs glistening._

" _She isn't broken," Axel grits out and shields the quiet girl who is now using her witch hat to hide as well. "She is just shy."_

_Vanitas's brow rises at this. "So she **is** capable of speaking?"_

" _Yes. Don't you know what shy means?"_

" _I know what it implies," Vanitas snorts. "Weakness."_

" _Xion isn't—"_

" _She isn't weak. I know what you are going to say. Save your breath," Vanitas snaps. He can't listen to Axel defend her anymore. All the sweetness and compassion is making his teeth rot._

_Xion peaks out from beneath the rim of her hat, blue eyes sparkling. His eyes meet hers and he expects to see contempt, hatred, anger, disgust, or fear but he doesn't. He sees curiosity shimmering behind her eyes. Her body language is timid but her eyes are curious, lively, and eager to meet his. This surprises him and flat-out baffles him. She is the only person who has ever looked at him that way._

* * *

The first thing Vanitas does when he opens his eyes is wish he had the ability to destroy the sun which has the audacity to be so painfully bright. The second thing he does is vomit into the waste can beside his bed. The sight of the waste can makes him think of Xion so the third thing he does is pray that he didn't say or do anything stupid while he was drunk. However, he has a gnawing suspicion he did.

Damn his headache. Damn his stupidity. Damn the sun. Damn Vanitas. Damn Xion. Damn everything but most of all damn his big, fat mouth. He _really_ wishes he wasn't a talkative drunk.

Once he finishes puking his guts out, he glances at the clock and has a moment of sheer panic. He has overslept and he is missing class…!

_Wait…yesterday was Saturday so today is Sunday…class doesn't meet on Sunday…_ he muses.

Hell, he doesn't even know what day it is. He swears right there on that bed he will never get this drunk again. Then again, he has made this promise to himself more than once in his eighteen years and has never followed through with it. Something would always happen and he would long for the comfort that could be found in a glass or at the bottom of a bottle.

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he slowly gets to his feet. He wobbles around for a few moments before gaining his balance enough to journey into his bathroom. He rinses his mouth out in his pearly sink and tosses back a few of the painkillers Xion left out for him.

Vanitas knows he said something last night but he just can't remember exactly what he said. Regardless, he would play dumb if she said anything to him about it. That is his plan and he will stick to it. All he will remember is her helping him and it won't even be a complete lie. However, he hopes to avoid her and the situation completely until they both forget it, but until then, he is going back to bed for the next twenty-four hours.

Before Vanitas can reach his bed, he is stopped by the sound of knocking.

"Vanitas," a voice he instantly recognizes as Aqua's resonates behind his door and he feels the overwhelming urge to punch something.

Choosing to ignore the knocking, Vanitas attempts to flee to the safety of his bed.

Aqua knocks again. "Vanitas! Let me in. I know you are in there!"

"It's open, stupid," he groans and barely recognizes the sound of his own gravely voice.

"How are you feeling?" she asks lowly as she enters his room, her tone genuine.

"Like sh—"

"Stop!" she interrupts and holds a hand up before the profanity can wriggle its way out of his throat.

He can't help but smirk at her reaction.

"I know you probably have a hangover so I will keep this brief," she continues and he notices all the concern in her voice has dispersed and now all the remains is her stoic, professional air. "Just give me your journal, let me check your vitals, and I will leave you alone."

Vanitas curses under his breath as he slowly sits upright.

He has been doing those damn journal entries since he was 10 years old, but he didn't start having his vitals checked until he came to the Land of Departure. Granted, all students at the Academy had to have their vitals checked frequently but he knew that they had other motives for checking his. Vanitas' vitals haven't been normal since his _'training accident._ ' However, the medics, Aqua, the White Mages, and the Masters had determined what was normal by his standards. Because of his _'accident'_ his pulse is faster, his blood pressure higher, body temperature higher, and even his respiration rate is higher. Everything inside of him is enhanced, heightened, over the top, and faster than it should be.

"Why do you want my vitals? Isn't it a bit early for that?"

"Yes, but since I'm already here I thought I might as well check some of them now and get it over with," she says with a sigh but smiles at him. "You will still have to go to the infirmary later this week as always though."

With neither the strength nor the will to argue, he complies and positions himself on the bed so she and examine him.

"Thank you for being cooperative," she whispers as she walks towards him and he can tell that she isn't in the mood to fight either. For once, it seems like they are on the same page.

"I haven't written anything in that damn journal but you are welcome to take it," he sneers as she checks his pulse.

Aqua subtly rolls her eyes. "Once I finish, write something then give it to me."

"I'm too hung over to write anything," he groans and snatches his arm away from her.

Aqua holds her hands up in surrender. "Fine but don't come crying to me when Master Eraqus and Master Yen Sid drag you into the office and demand that you explain why you didn't write anything this month."

"I don't get what the big deal is!"

"You know what the big deal is!"

Vanitas glares at her with unmatched intensity; biting the inside of his cheek so hard he can taste blood.

He darts to his desk so fast his head feels like it might explode but he is too pissed to care. He rips one of the drawers open, slinging its contents throughout his room and digs through the remnants until he finds a small, red journal.

Slamming the logbook onto the desk's mahogany surface, he rips it open and begins carving his pencil into its insides.

Aqua silently watches the tantrum from her seat on his bed and patiently waits for his next move.

"Here," he spits as he finishes. "Take it and get out."

He throws the journal at her as hard as he can and much to his displeasure she catches it with ease.

"Thank you," she says calmly and it only angers him further. "I will see you in class tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your day."

"Get out!" he roars so loudly he sees spots.

He is yelling at Aqua but this isn't just about her. It is about the whole situation revolving around him and she knows it. It is more than just journal entries and vitals but that doesn't keep him from taking it out on her and slamming the door on her as hard as he can.

* * *

The ceiling above her bed is blank and white and she finds herself envious of it. She wishes her mind were like the ceiling. Clear, unsullied, and white. She wishes her mind was like that but it isn't. Her mind is full of confusing thoughts, all revolving around one individual with black hair and golden eyes.

Aqua told her that sometimes it was better to know nothing but that only made her wonder about him more. That statement only spurred more questions. Is it that bad? Is _he_ that bad?

Then there was still the whole matter around the night before… If Vanitas was really the monster everyone made him out to be then why would he…? Did he?

_She can't sleep. They couldn't find the Heartless they were sent to destroy so they had to stay overnight at a hotel in Traverse Town._

_Xion decides to take a walk, hoping the fresh air will calm her down and allow her to sleep._

_She makes it halfway down the hallway and then she sees **him.** The one Eraqus had introduced her to earlier, the one who said she was broken, mute, and weak. She thinks he is about her age, maybe a year older. He looks about fifteen years old. He is writing in that book again, hovering over it protectively. His eyes leave it only to glare at her._

_Xion freezes and she can't decide if she is afraid or not. She thinks she should be but she doesn't feel afraid._

" _I-I…" she tries to speak but she fails._

_Vanitas looks at her cynically before slamming his book shut. He looks like he might humor her or perhaps he just wants to fully devote to ridiculing her. She isn't sure which yet._

" _Can't sleep?" he finishes for her._

_Xion nods._

" _Yeah. Sometimes I can't sleep either," he adds and her feet begin to thaw._

_She takes a step toward him. She isn't sure why._

" _Y-You did well today," she manages to choke out and he looks surprised that she can actually speak._

" _I always do," he states matter-of-factly, somehow managing not to sound smug or conceited. "You weren't as worthless as I thought you would be."_

" _Thanks?" she breathes._

" _Yes," he groans, sounding bored. "That is the appropriate response."_

" _I-I…was…going to take a walk…"_

" _No one is stopping you," he says calmly._

" _It helps me sleep sometimes."_

_He is either pretending to ignore her or actually ignoring her now but somehow, she can see past his defensiveness and cruelty. He just looks…sad and lonely?_

" _D-Do you want to come with me?" she inquires timidly and he proceeds to look at her like she is insane._

" _Why the hell would I want to do that?" he scoffs._

_Xion shrugs and he rolls his eyes._

" _Come on," he says as he rises to his feet, walks to the entrance, and holds open the door open for her._

" _But...but you said…"_

" _Don't try to figure me out. Just go," he chuckles and motions for her to move._

_The only thing Xion can do is gawk at him as she tries to do exactly what he told her **not** to do; figure him out._

" _Do you want to go on the damn walk or not?" he asks, clearly losing his impatience._

_Not wanting to anger him further and not wanting to lose her walking companion, Xion does as instructed and scurries out of the hotel._

While continuing to stare at the ceiling she remembers how they had spent most of that night walking around Traverse Town talking about nothing. She thought they would be friends after that but she quickly learned Vanitas wasn't one for friends. People could only get so close to him…

"I think I'm about to go check on Vanitas," Xion states as she rises out of bed and walks to her closet.

She knows Aqua has likely already been to his room to retrieve his journal and check on him herself. She knows she doesn't have to. She knows he will probably just yell at her when she gets there. She knows all of this but a part of her still wants to check on him.

Naminé yawns and sits up in bed. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"No," Xion replies honestly as she throws on a black sweater.

"Should I call Axel or Roxas if you are gone too long?" the White Mage teases.

"Probably," Xion answers with a chuckle as she shimmies into a pair of jeans.

"Have fun!" Naminé giggles and waves goodbye before disappearing beneath her milky blankets again.

"I'll try," the Black Mage says with a sigh as she walks out the door.

As Xion makes her way to Vanitas' room, she attempts to cook up a plan. How should she go about this? Honesty is usually the best policy but she is going to see Vanitas. Honesty doesn't really seem like something Vanitas will go for. However, he is also clever enough to smell a lie and she isn't a good liar.

By the time she reaches his door, she has decided there is no good way to go about this. She will just have to hope for the best. This is Vanitas after all.

After taking a deep breath, she knocks on the door as gently as possible, knowing Vanitas is likely nursing one hell of a headache by now.

"Go. Away," he says and honestly, she wasn't expecting much less.

Xion decides there is no way she is getting an invitation to come inside, so she takes a gamble and opens the door regardless.

"Knock, knock," she says with a nervous chuckle as she lets herself in. As she does so, she thinks this may be the last thing she ever does.

Upon entering, she sees that Vanitas is lying across his bed and one of his arms is draped over his glowing eyes to shield them from the brutal sun pouring into his room through his window that he has likely dubbed a traitor.

"Did I not say—" Vanitas' reprimand is cut short the instant he sees her in his doorway.

Xion smiles meekly, waves, and waits for him to ask what the hell she is doing there, but much to her surprise, he doesn't say a word. He visibly stiffens and blanches and if she didn't know any better, she would think she is seeing a tint of pink clinging to his chiseled cheekbones.

"I, uh, just came to see how you're doing," she explains as if he _did_ ask her what the hell she was doing there.

Vanitas sits upright and rests his elbows on his knees. "I've been better."

His tone is surprisingly calm and his posture shockingly lax. She wasn't prepared for that. She was prepared for his anger, not…whatever _this_ is.

"I figured. Is there anything I can—"

"Why did you help me?" he demands more than asks.

"What?" she recoils.

"Why did you help me last night and why are you back this morning?" he reiterates, his tone stony.

"I just wanted to help…"

Vanitas slowly rises to his feet and walks toward her.

Instinctively, she takes a step backwards.

"Don't do me any favors, Xion. I don't want your sympathy. You can shove your compassion. We both know you wouldn't be here if you didn't have to be so you can drop the act and get the hell out," he states coldly but Xion can't help but notice that although he is saying cruel things, he sounds sad.

Vanitas reaches out and for a moment, she thinks he might throw her out himself but instead he grabs the doorknob behind her and yanks the door open.

"Leave," he commands but Xion does nothing but look up at him with bewildered eyes.

They were so close that she could see the dark circles under his molten eyes, she could smell the traces of liquor on his breath, and make out every contour and crease of muscle chiseled into his alabaster skin.

"I don't have to be here and I volunteered to help look for you last night. I can't really tell you why I am here now but I'm here of my own free will. No one has forced me do anything," she replies softly, timidly.

Vanitas' weary eyes narrow at her and she shrinks a little, unsure if he is sizing her up or getting angry.

"You're stupid," he snorts.

"Maybe." Xion shrugs a shoulder.

"Well, I appreciate the… _concern_ ," he hisses, "but it isn't necessary. Aqua has already been here and, as you can see, I'm fine and I would be even better if everyone would stop bothering me."

"Look," Xion counters, feeling a sudden boost in confidence. "You were so out of it last night, I was worried about you and wanted to see if you were okay. Excuse me for caring!"

Vanitas looks like he might laugh as he scoffs, looks away from her, and runs a hand down his face. "Get out of here, Xion."

The Black Mage's mouth tightens into a flat line as she glares at him and the audacity he has to speak to her in such a way. She was stupid to come here. She was stupid to think that this wouldn't be anything but downright unpleasant. What was she expecting to happen?! That he would be grateful? That he would let her be a friend to him? That things would be like they had been before she transferred here? That he _wouldn't_ be a complete and utter jerk?

Their eyes lock for a long-suffering moment before Xion surrenders and leaves.

* * *

Sometimes, Vanitas regrets what he does. It's a rare occurrence but it does happen. Vanitas isn't beyond regret.

Sometimes, Vanitas regrets how he treated Xion, but it is so much easier to push people away. His life, his existence, it's just easier that way. He doesn't need to get close to anyone; especially to someone he knows he could grow to care for. Technically, he is doing her a favor. He is doing _everyone_ a favor, himself included.

Emotional attachment just isn't in the cards for him in any way, shape, or form. Not when he knows how the story ends. Not when he knows no good will come of it, which is why his regret is usually only temporary.

She should be grateful to him for keeping her away. She should be grateful he never let her close enough to the fire to get burned. She should be grateful he has restraint and that he knows that he if he let her in, he would destroy her. She should be grateful that he knew when he enough was enough. He is sparing her. It is just better for everyone this way.

However, that doesn't always keep him from wanting things to be different. That doesn't keep him from wanting to take her compassion. It doesn't completely dissolve the need for companionship. It doesn't silence the voice in the back of his head that taunts him and asks 'what if?' What if he had let her show him compassion? What if he did let her be his friend? What if he hadn't pushed her away the instant he felt her getting too close to his heart? What if he had heedlessly followed it into oblivion with her?

His heart may be rotten and black, but it is still a heart and has wants.

"Ow," he grouses when the syringe makes its way into the veins in his arm.

He feels the pain but he doesn't grimace or wince. His face merely twitches. Vanitas is used to needles by this point.

"I'm sorry!" the twitchy White Mage responds and she seems somewhat familiar. Her hair is sandy blonde and she has big doe eyes that are almost hidden by the large white hood she wears.

As Vanitas watches her, he starts doing a mental inventory of all the girls he has slept with and tries to figure out if he has slept with this girl before. Probably.

He wishes Naminé was the girl pulling the blood sample from his arm. Naminé is the best at this sort of thing. Aqua is also acceptable but both of them are tied up with other people.

Today the Masters are conducting a Mark of Mastery Exam so everyone is running around like a bunch of morons, trying to get physicals and doing last-minute preparations. Vanitas doesn't bother. Not anymore. He has been through this many times before. Qualifying for the Mark of Mastery Exam has never been the problem, _passing_ is the problem.

The Mark of Mastery Exam is held once, sometimes twice a semester depending on how many students qualify. Once there are enough candidates, an exam is held and Yen Sid and Eraqus decide who earns the mark and who doesn't. Xehanort and his sons Xemnas, and Ansem used to be included in the process as well but they aren't really considered Masters anymore…

The White Mage shines a light into his eyes and he glares at her for assaulting him but allows her to continue the examination. There will be hell to pay if word gets back to Eraqus and Yen Sid that he refused to get a physical.

Bored, Vanitas looks at the vial of his blood while the mage tests his reflexes. He almost expects it to be black but to his surprise, his blood is a normal, healthy hue of red. Sometimes he forgets that he is human. He has been treated like a monster for so long he often forgets that he isn't one. At least he thinks he isn't. Sometimes he isn't so sure.

Looking away from the crimson fluid, he gazes back at the girl running his tests and sees the baffled look on her face. Clearly, she has never taken his vitals before nor is she aware of what is normal for him.

The White Mage flips through the files in a panic until she finds the one belonging to Vanitas. She skims through the file and slowly begins to calm down. Vanitas figures she probably saw his previous test results or a note Aqua left within his file to explain his _…situation_.

"Um…okay," she stutters, her eyes not leaving his file. "I-I guess you are free to take the exam now…"

Vanitas leaps off the examining table and slips his shirt back on before she has the chance to change her mind. He wants to get out of there before she has the chance to stop him or call for Aqua.

* * *

The Mark of Mastery Exam isn't as challenging as everyone thinks it is. It isn't until one takes it that they realize that it is more a test of heart and character than actual skill. The individual's skill is only half of the exam. Were skill the only factor, Vanitas would have passed years ago. He is one of the best when it comes to skill, but the corruption in his heart-that is what keeps him from passing.

Vanitas doesn't know why the Masters continue to degrade him this way. Why do they bring him to take this exam time and time again when they know good and _damn_ well he won't pass? Why bother? Why continue to humor him with false hope?

It takes almost all of his willpower not to ask as he stands before them for what feels like the millionth time.

This room is way too bright. The walls are smothered in turquoise and gold trim, and the floor beneath his feet is a sea of creamy yellow. The windows are made of pure stained-glass of so many vibrant hues he thinks he might go blind from looking at them. The physical and metaphysical light of this room is almost too much for him to swallow sometimes.

Finally, at the front of the room, there are five, large wooden thrones but only two are filled. It has been like this for a while now. Yen Sid and Eraqus sit in the middle and orchestrate the Mark of Mastery Exam, alone.

"Welcome!" Master Eraqus booms as he rises to his feet, "And congratulations on qualifying for the Mark of Mastery Exam!"

Master Eraqus continues with his motivational speech while Vanitas starts examining the crowd. He only recognizes like a fourth of them and he notices Sora and Riku managed to qualify this time. If Vanitas were a betting man, he would wager that Riku would be one of the few to obtain the mark. His younger brother, while very talented and enough heart to make him choke, is still a bit reckless. His heart is his strength but also his weakness. Sora almost has too much heart. Perhaps Vanitas should ask him to donate some of it to him. They would both likely be better for it.

Sora sees Vanitas shortly after he sees him and shoots him a smile. The fact that Sora looks the most like him of his brothers isn't lost on him. He noticed it the first time they were introduced a few years ago but seeing it pains him and it makes him resent Sora. Vanitas doesn't like seeing remnants of himself in others. Maybe it's because he doesn't really like himself or maybe it's because it makes him acknowledge the void in his chest or maybe he sees a shadow of his former self. Regardless, it angers him. Maybe he can use that anger to successfully get through this exam.

Vanitas starts wondering which smoke and mirrors technique Eraqus will use to commence the exam this time. He always begins with some easy task, some defenseless object they have to defeat. Vanitas thinks he will just use his signature orb of light. Eraqus tends to gravitate towards that one often.

Once Master Eraqus finishes the formalities and his speech on protecting the balance and all that jazz, he summons the holy spheres just as Vanitas predicted.

_How dull,_ he muses as he summons his Keyblade and prepares to attack.

* * *

Sparing is his least favorite part of the entire exam. After the first test, Eraqus gives his spill about how one's true nature is revealed when equal powers clash then they are forced to fight one another.

Vanitas sees this as a form of torture. Master Xehanort used to make him spare like this as well but he had different intentions...

"Next, Vanitas and Sora will face one another. Remember, there are no victors only truths," Master Eraqus states stoically.

Rolling his eyes at Eraqus, Vanitas squares up and prepares to grapple with Sora. Somehow he isn't surprised he was chosen to face Sora but it should be mildly entertaining. He has never spared with Sora before and he is pretty sure Sora is one of the few people within the Academy who could offer him a true challenge.

They begin exchanging blows and almost instantly his ears start to ring and his vision starts to muddle with every clash of metal. He staggers and attempts to blink the haze filling his eyes away.

Sora's form starts to blur and suddenly, he starts to look a lot like Ventus...

**_Clash with him!_ **

Vanitas winces and suddenly his eardrums are a chalkboard and the voices inside him are long, dirty fingernails mercilessly digging into them.

**_Pure light against pure darkness…_ **

The ghastly noise becomes too much and Vanitas falls to his knees where he dry heaves onto the swirling, flaxen designs of the chamber floor beneath him.

"Vanitas?" he hears Sora's voice somewhere amidst the pandemonium blaring in his ears and reverberating against his skull.

**_To form the ultimate key!_ **

"Don't touch me!" Vanitas wails but he still feels Sora touching him, attempting to steady him and bring him back to his feet.

**_Take what Ventus owes you!_ **

Other voices chime in like a choir of banshees and he feels like he might die right then and there. He hasn't felt like this since he was a student at Radiant Garden. He hasn't felt like this since...

_No, don't go there!_ he chides himself.

"Vanitas," another voice murmurs, a voice he assumes belongs to Eraqus.

"No," he responds curtly although he doesn't really know what he is objecting to. 'No' just seems like an appropriate response…

Vanitas can see but he can't see. Everything is so clear, enhanced, and heightened that it is blurring. He can see through Eraqus, through Sora. He can see their bones, their insides, their nerves, their light…that _damn_ radiance that threatens to blind him…to destroy and extinguish him. He feels the danger in his gut, in the back of his mind. Their light wishes to banish his darkness…his shadow. Vanitas doesn't merely walk with shadows; he is the shadow.

**_Vanitas..._ **

That damn voice thunders in his head again and he finally recognizes it. He doesn't know how he didn't recognize it sooner. It is _his_ voice, a voice he hasn't heard in years…

Vanitas no longer feels like he is in control of himself or his thoughts. He feels like a puppet. Someone is pulling at the darkness pulsing through his veins, pulling at his lifeblood, his force, his essence. It is trying to make him do something...or maybe it is trying to tell him something...

**_Vanitas,_** the gravely voice purrs.

Vanitas snatches Sora's hand and desperately tries to reestablish his hold on the feeble string that barely tethers him to this world, to sanity.

"Do you hear that? Do you hear him?"

"W-Who?" Sora asks in bewilderment and Vanitas thinks he might hear Master Eraqus screaming for Aqua in the distance.

" _Xehanort_ …" Vanitas breathes so only his sibling will hear…so _the voice_ won't hear.

Sora looks at him as if he has stabbed him in the gut.

Vanitas' gaze shifts and he sees Master Yen Sid behind Sora, eyeing him with his signature steely stare.

"W-wrong brother… Ventus…ask Ventus…can he hear him?" Vanitas asks, his tongue growing so thick he struggles to speak.

"He wants Ventus," Master Yen Sid proclaims and Vanitas wonders why he isn't more surprised by that fact. He hates Yen Sid and his omniscient façade.

"He wants Ventus…? Are you sure?" Sora questions the sorcerer in disbelief.

Vanitas doesn't hear Yen Sid's response because he feels cool fingertips feathering across his temples and he panics. He tries to crawl away but the hands follow him and latch onto his head.

"Let me go!" he roars.

Growling in his throat, he shoves the hands away and attempts to run away only to have his body and everyone around him betray him. He can't see but he feels himself being chained to the floor by multiple sets of hands but that doesn't keep him from trying his damnedest to break free. He kicks, he screams, he shoots Dark Fire out of his mouth like a demon, but he can't get up. He is outnumbered.

"Shh, Vanitas, you're okay," a gentle, melodic voice muses and he can't help but relax a little. The voice, the feeling in his gut, they tell him she is dangerous and that she is too bright but she soothes him. He is no longer smothering, he is no longer drowning in a sea of his own darkness, choking on his own blackened mucus. His veins no longer pump vile acid into his heart and his skin is no longer on fire, so he relents. Why fight something that is taking away your pain?

When the haze clears, when he can see, feel, and think again, he is met by set after set of concerned eyes. Whether the concern is for him or for themselves he doesn't know.

"What…happened?" he rasps as he sits upright and holds his distressed head. Apparently, everyone had released him at some point.

"I…I'm not sure," Naminé whispers and Vanitas realizes her voice was the gentle voice he heard that soothed him.

_Figures. White Mage sorcery no doubt,_ he thinks to himself.

Vanitas looks down at his hands and sees them covered in thick, black fluid. It is everywhere. It stains Naminé's dress, it blankets the tawny floor, and it is seeping off him.

**_Materialized darkness._ **

He grimaces and covers his ears in vain to block out the voices and the memories. He can't take anymore.

"No! I won't do it anymore! Stop pumping that shit into my system! Get it out! Get it out!"

"Vanitas!" Eraqus shouts and shakes him by his shoulders until he stops screaming. "Stop it. You are all right. No one is putting anything in your system. Your body is just having a reaction to something…"

"Let go of me," Vanitas hisses and tries to pull away from the headmaster.

"Vanitas…are you okay?" Ventus is here now and somehow that is almost comforting. It is almost comforting to have someone there who knows... Ventus knows Xehanort. He was there. He would understand...

Vanitas looks at the slop on his hands and shakes his head. "No…I haven't been okay in a long time."

Ven, crouches down next to him and places a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. It doesn't really work but Vanitas doesn't shove Ventus away either.

There are more people within the chamber now. Terra and Aqua are here with countless others who came to watch him act like a man possessed. Before he can tell them to take a picture it will last longer, he sees that Xion is here now as well. She stands beside Ventus, her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide with shock and concern…and he can tell her concern is in fact for him despite how he acted the last time she saw him.

That look, those eyes, that soft expression of understanding... She looks at him differently. She sees him in a way that others don't and that is why he tolerates her over all others. He knows that now. The realization washes over him like acid and it burns, it burns deep down past his skin and down into his bones...

"Terra, Ventus," Master Eraqus hums quietly, bringing him out of his sick, perilous musings, "Take him to Aqua in the infirmary. She will know what to do until Master Yen Sid and I finish the exam."

"I can go myself," Vanitas proclaims as he staggers to his feet and slings the black fluid off his hands. "Finish the exam. I won't go anywhere. I'll wait in the infirmary."

Vanitas lurches through the awestruck crowd and out of the massive foyer of shimmering stain glass and thrones. He slows when he walks past Xion and as their eyes mate, he almost says something. He almost apologizes. He almost asks her to go with him. He almost asks her what she thinks of him, dripping darkness and having fits. He almost says something to her. Almost.


	5. Chapter 5

**It's** too bright. His eyes are struggling to adjust to the pale light shining in the infirmary.

He has been stripped to his pants and the surface of the metallic examining table is cold. The whole damn room is cold. The walls are a disgusting shade of pale green that makes him even more nauseous than he already is. The floor is gray and there are wheeled trays covered in medicine and needles everywhere. Weight scales are scattered around the corners of the large room along with beds and examining tables. He was on a bed when he first came in (when he was still too dizzy to sit up), but was recently moved to the examining table for further inspection.

The sensation and the surroundings are vaguely familiar and tickle at the back of his brain and it's not just because he has been in this exact room before. No, the familiarity comes from a different place but he doesn't dwell on it. He can't. He grinds his teeth together to keep his mind from going back to that place.

Aqua—who is playing nurse at the moment—is kind and gentle. Vanitas has learned that there are two sides to her. There is the tough, no-nonsense warrior and the doting, caring mother. Right now, he is being exposed to the latter. He isn't sure which he dislikes more, but the mother figure is acceptable at the moment.

She has brought his old file in. It sits next to the computer on the edge of the oblong desk in the center of the room. The edges are worn and the papers are unorganized. The fact that it is here tells him this will be unpleasant. They think his past is the cause of all this…the cause of his episode during the exam…

"It started when you spared with Sora, right?" Aqua attempts to clarify, her eyes not leaving the computer screen, her long fingers occasionally tapping the touch screen and typing on the paper-thin keyboard.

"Yes. For the _hundredth_ time, yes, it started when I started fighting Sora." Vanitas massages his brow in mild irritation. He doesn't have it in him to be truly irritated. He feels tired, subdued… He feels unlike himself. In other words, he feels downright strange.

"And you just started feeling weak?"

"Weak, sick…stuff like that."

"Did anything else happen?"

"No," he lies. He isn't about to say how Sora started to look like Ventus and how he heard Xehanort raving about Keyblades and pure light versus pure darkness in his head. They would probably emit him into a psych ward on the spot.

Aqua places a fist under her chin in contemplation, eyes still glued to the computer monitor. "You were reacting to him, like you were triggered… Sora is a lot like Ven. Perhaps your… _instincts_ reacted to him as they would Ven… Does that make sense?"

"Yes."

"Vanitas, I can't help you unless you talk to me."

"I've been talking to you since I came in here!"

Before Aqua can question him further, Yen Sid enters the room. He looks perplexed and concerned.

Vanitas wants to walk out before he can say anything. Maybe he can make a break for it. He is feeling a lot better and even at his worst he knows he can still outrun old Yen Sid. However, he isn't sure if he can outrun Aqua. Maybe if he gets a head start-

"Hello, Vanitas," he greets.

_Too late…_

"Let's just cut to the chase," Vanitas sighs.

Yen Sid doesn't answer and chooses to grab his discarded file off the desk instead.

"I'm going to assume you already know what I'm thinking this is related to," he finally says, flipping through the unorganized pages of his file.

"Yeah," Vanitas snorts.

"Your body thought it was forging the χ-blade. It mistook Sora for Ventus. You were trying to do what you have been trained to do, designed to do."

Vanitas doesn't answer but watches the concerned look on Aqua's face. He is sure she is only upset because the χ-blade has a lot to do with her precious Ventus too, but Vanitas is the only one labeled the bad guy. Justifiably so but still…

"I thought the same thing, but isn't it impossible to forge the χ-blade _here_?" Aqua inquires.

"Yes," Yen Sid responds with a nod. "But Vanitas' body, his instincts, his impulses don't know that. He sensed light, lots of it and he was running on adrenaline from the battle… He misread the signals but they were so similar it caused a reaction, a trigger if you will."

Vanitas thinks they might actually decide to put him down now… Shoot the rabid dog in a sense…

"But what was that… _stuff_ on him…?"

Vanitas can't keep himself from cringing. He knew what it was. He remembered it well.

"Part of the reaction I suppose. Didn't that sort of thing happen to you before, in Radiant Garden?"

"Yes, but it's been years. It hasn't happened since… Since I was transferred and the…experiments stopped," Vanitas replies flatly.

"Think of it as an overflow, Master Aqua," the sorcerer says, turning to face the blue girl.

"Of what?" Aqua reels. "Darkness?"

Yen Sid nods.

"But he is so much better!" she argues. "When he first came here-"

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here!" Vanitas shouts but they only continue to ignore him.

"There is so much of it in him that sometimes it manifests and seeps from his pores to keep from doing any more damage to his body than necessary. I would assume that it hasn't happened in a while either because the experiments stopped or because he is capable of maintaining more without repercussions now," Master Yen Sid explains while continuing to examine his file. "We have been led to believe it is a form of defense mechanism, which would explain why it happened during this…episode. Everything enhanced in reaction to sparring with Sora, someone similar to Ventus. Thus, his darkness grew to the point that his body had to dispose of it in some way. Perhaps it is a form fail-safe. It is hard to say because Vanitas is a unique case… There is only one like him and we don't have anything to compare him to…"

There is so much pity in Aqua's eyes that it makes him sick. Vanitas doesn't want it. She can shove it. He doesn't need it. He never did. Ventus is the one who couldn't handle it… His worst day would be Ven's best. He has always been the strong, durable one, not Ventus… It's probably why he got the short end of the stick. Ventus couldn't even begin to fathom the suffering he endured because of Xehanort's ambitions.

"Sorry I'm late. We just now finished the exam. Is everything alright?" Master Eraqus demands, winded.

Terra was behind him and Vanitas wants to ask what the _hell_ makes Terra think he is authorized to come in here! He knows nothing that could help him! At least Aqua has a reason for being there.

"So did I pass?" Vanitas sneers.

Master Eraqus sighs. "No, Vanitas, I'm afraid not."

"Then who did?" he asks out of curiosity.

"Riku did," replies the Master matter-of-factly, straightening his gray robes as he speaks.

"Saw that one coming…"

"But that is not important. What about you? What's the diagnosis? What happened?"

"Vanitas is stable. He isn't in any danger physically," Aqua explains, scooting her chair away from the desk so she can face her master.

"But?" Eraqus probes.

"He was reacting to—"

"Can I leave?" Vanitas groans, slinging his head back in exasperation. "I've already heard this once and I really don't want to hear it again. I'm fine. I'm not doing anything I shouldn't. I'm of sound mind. Can I just go rest while you four babble like idiots and worry yourselves into comas?"

"Very well but don't do anything strenuous for the rest of the day. And don't go anywhere near Ventus, Roxas, or Sora," Master Eraqus commands sternly.

"Tell them to stay away from me. If we interact, it is because they start it. I always try to stay away from them."

"We will tell them," Aqua says softly and Terra nods his head in agreement.

"Alright. You are dismissed." Eraqus waves his hand dismissively.

Vanitas slips off the examining table, grabs his shirt, and shoves his way through Terra and Master Eraqus.

Aqua sighs and rubs her brow. "If I ever see Xehanort again…"

"We will. I guarantee it," Master Eraqus states direly. "This incident proves that. He has unfinished business with both Ventus and Vanitas."

* * *

Ventus is pacing around like a madman within the waiting room by the infirmary, clearly worried about his older brother. Xion is worried too but her instinct is not to pace or fidget like it is for Ven.

"Calm down, Ven," she whispers as he passes her for the umpteenth time. "They will let you know if he needs you or if anything is seriously wrong."

Ven is keeping things from her. Something tells her that he knows why this happened to Vanitas. He knows more than he is telling her, but Xion is okay with that. It is his secret, his memories, and his information to keep. Xion knows there are things from her past that she hasn't told him. Some things are hard to talk about, and everyone here has a messy past. That is why they are here and not out in the world like normal teenagers…

"He asked for me," Ven raved. "Vanitas has never asked for me. Not since... Something must have really been wrong with him for him to want me around…"

Xion concurs. That fact had astounded her as well. She actually thought she had misunderstood Terra when he said that Vanitas was having some kind of episode and was asking for Ventus. Clearly, it had only been a momentary lapse in judgment because shortly she and Ven arrived on the scene, Vanitas acted as though he couldn't care less whether they were there or not.

Before Xion can think of any words of encouragement, Terra enters the waiting room.

"Is he alright?" Ventus asks immediately.

Terra nods. "Yeah, he left about an hour ago. He is stable, but you aren't to go anywhere near him for a while."

"What do you mean? I can't even talk to him?" Ven recoils.

"No. They agree that it would be unwise to risk it. Sora and even Roxas aren't allowed to interact with him either until Aqua or Master give the all clear," Terra replies.

Again, Xion feels left out and confused. The secrets surrounding Vanitas (and maybe even Ventus now that she thinks about it) have been locked within their little group. The mysteries involving the brothers are strictly left between Ventus, Vanitas, Terra, Aqua, Master Eraqus, and Master Xehanort. Xion knew that others that have worked for Xehanort back at Radiant Garden probably knew about them as well, but she doubted no one knew as much as they did.

Xion starts to ask why none of them can interact with Vanitas, but she feels that it isn't her place. She also knows she will only receive answers like the ones she has received from Aqua time and time again whenever asking questions about Vanitas and even Ventus. Aqua keeps her mouth shut and does everything she can to protect Ven and sometimes, that means protecting Vanitas. Sometimes, it is as if they are a packaged deal although the two are as different as night and day.

"But he acted like he wanted to talk to me. At least for a little while… Sora told me he was saying stuff about Xehanort," Ventus whispers the name of his former master. "Maybe I should—"

"No," Terra interrupts. "Vanitas is already back to his old tricks. He seems pretty indifferent now. I doubt he cares. He would have asked for you if he still wanted you. Besides, going to him now would be going against Master's orders. Plus, he seemed pretty happy about the order…"

Ven visibly deflates. "Oh, right."

Xion reaches out and squeezes Ven's hand. He looks down at her and she smiles, but the smile he returns is half-hearted at best.

* * *

Vanitas massages his temples as if he can somehow massage the memories away. Things he has repressed, things better left forgotten have begun slipping back into his brain.

He has been remembering long nights in the training facility with Xehanort and Ventus, grappling with Ventus until they were bruised and bloody and unable to continue, miserable afternoons in the lab with an IV rammed up his arm and syringes in his sternum, and tiny blue monsters with red eyes… To top it all off, Xehanort's voice keeps rattling around in his head…

' _Get up, Ventus!'_

' _You are going to need a thicker skin for this.'_

' _The only way for you to free yourself of this cycle of pain and suffering is to make the χ-blade.'_

_'Feckless neophyte.'_

' _The χ-blade is not only your salvation but the whole world's salvation.'_

Rubbing his temples even harder, Vanitas tries his damnedest to stop all these memories and to focus on the present.

The episode has resurrected deeply buried memories, memories he can do without. He feels and remembers things that he hasn't felt or remembered in years and it was agony and contradictory and just all around unpleasant.

Vanitas is nothing if not miserable. Misery is nothing new to him but this specific type of misery is, but everyone has been unnaturally nice to him since the _episode_. He can't decide if it is out of pity or out of fear. Either way, they walk on eggshells around him. No one tries to anger him and they do their best to keep him in good spirits. They don't want him to snap.

After a few days, he is allowed to look at his brothers again but they are still advised to use caution. They don't want him snapping again and fighting them in a blind rage in a vain attempt to forge the χ-blade. Yes, he was of sound mind last time (somewhat) and able to control himself, but Yen Sid and Eraqus are convinced that might not always be the case. Even though he can't forge the χ-blade just anywhere, that doesn't make the situation any less dangerous for his siblings (specifically Ventus) since he would probably just fight them until he killed them in order to make that damn weapon. They say it is only a matter of time before-

" _Vanitas?"_

Vanitas jumps and realizes everyone in the classroom is looking at him. Is he in trouble? Did he do something? He doesn't remember doing anything but that doesn't mean that he didn't…

Suddenly, Vanitas crashes back into reality and remembers he is in class and that Aqua has probably asked him a question. That would explain why everyone is looking at him expectantly.

"What?" he asks curtly.

"I asked you a question," Aqua clarifies politely.

"I-I didn't hear you." Apparently, her politeness is contagious because Vanitas would consider his response unnaturally respectful, especially for him. "But I seriously doubt I'd know the answer anyway."

"So you don't want to guess?"

"Nope. Ask someone else," he sneers but his sneer is halfhearted. He has been a bit subdued and unnaturally tired since the… _episode_. It is almost as if the incident helped him get some of the anger and bile out of his system…for a while. Soon he will be back to being as unpleasant as always. He will stop remembering what he was like before and feeling things that the experiments extracted out of him. Then the cycle would begin anew. Things will get worse and worse until he combusts then he will be somewhat mild-mannered again… Such is his existence, his altered design, and Xehanort's intention.

Aqua nods and he thinks she might know he isn't quite himself today, that he is still having side effects from the whole ordeal although he has given no indication that he feels any different. She is being merciful and she even gives him a tiny smile and it annoys him. Her kindness annoys him. Vanitas doesn't want to like people and it annoys him to no end when they do things that make him question how much he actually hates everyone, especially when he is vulnerable…

When Aqua dismisses the class, Vanitas isn't the first to leave like he normally is. His heart just isn't in being a complete bastard today. He sits at his desk, hands folded under his chin, staring at the blank monitor while everyone leaves. Once everyone else gone, he will leave.

"Vanitas," someone addresses him again and Vanitas thinks he might hit something or someone.

His golden gaze follows the gentle hum of the voice and he sees that it's Kairi who is speaking to him. She is clad in her school uniform, head cocked, eyes bright and expression soft as one of her hands rest on her hips.

"What's up, Red?" Vanitas reclines in his seat and folds his arms over his chest.

"Are you coming to the graduation party?" she asks.

Vanitas sighs. "Why?"

Originally, he hadn't planned on it. Unless it is _his_ graduation party, he isn't interested and this one isn't his. It's Riku's, which is why Kairi is so interested in it.

"Well, if you were coming, I was hoping you could come early and help us decorate for the after party?" Kairi inquires expectantly with a large yet humble smile.

Kairi is under the impression that just because she is close to Sora, she is also close to him. That because she hopes to one day be his sister-in-law, Vanitas will sympathize with her. She is mistaken.

Vanitas gives her a cold look that says she should quit while she is ahead.

"Please?" she begs and puckers her bottom lip at him. She looks like a damn fish and his eyes roll on instinct. He doesn't really see what Sora sees in this girl…

"If I help, will you leave me alone?"

"Yes!" she replies instantly, her eyes already shining with satisfaction and triumph.

"Then I'll help," he groans as if he has just agreed to go to his own hanging.

_But I won't like it…_

* * *

Kairi is a bit bossy. She orders him around a lot and he notes that she isn't that afraid of him. She is quite brave despite her pure heart and he takes a private moment to admire that. Vanitas tips his hat to anyone who has a backbone. However, he doesn't care for the way she is manhandling him and using him as a human stepladder.

The Red Mage's feet rest in his hands while he holds her up so she can hang some stupid banner. Vanitas doesn't even know what it says. It probably says something along the lines of ' _Congratulations!'_ but he doesn't take the time to look.

"You're pulling my hair," Vanitas growls as Kairi places a hand atop his head to keep her balance.

"Almost done!" she responds and Vanitas really wishes Naminé wasn't using the only damn ladder so he wouldn't be in this situation.

Blowing his bangs out of his face, Vanitas tries to ignore the unpleasant hair tugging and glances around the ballroom.

It actually looks nice. The decorations are classy and not too gaudy or cheap looking. Red actually did a good job but he isn't too surprised by this. Things like this are her forte. Floral arrangements are everywhere, tables are draped with beautiful, sheer white tablecloths, and banners were hung everywhere. Of course, it isn't all her doing. The ballroom was nice enough on its own in his opinion, but what does he know?

Unfortunately, Vanitas isn't the only person Kairi roped into helping with decorations. Xion is here with Roxas. They are hanging up lights on the other side of the ballroom, spiraling them around the massive pillars that surround the room.

"Vanitas!" Kairi yells and apparently, it isn't the first time she has done so. "I said, 'you can put me down now!'"

"Oh, right," he mumbles and carefully lowers Kairi back to the ground. There will be hell to pay if he harms Sora's precious Kairi.

"What were you looking at?" Kairi asks and attempts to follow his gaze.

"Nothing," Vanitas snaps before shoving his hands into his pockets and looking away.

"It's not _'nothing'_ you have been out of it all day," Kairi argues and Vanitas groans.

"Am I done here?"

"Go help Xion and Roxas with the lights, then you can leave."

Vanitas curses under his breath. That is the last thing he wants to do. Why did he agree to help again? He really isn't himself right now. A few weeks ago he would have _never_ agreed to do this! Maybe he should cave and go back to the infirmary after he is done with all this and tell them he is dying…

Pushing those thoughts aside, Vanitas walks to the guillotine. This will be the first time he and Xion have interacted since he shoved her out of his room a few weeks ago. Sure, he saw her the day of his episode but they haven't spoken since. He had been ordered to stay away from Ventus and Roxas, and because she is usually with one or the other, he has been effectively avoiding her as well.

"I've been ordered to help with lights," Vanitas says, his bizarre imitation of a greeting.

Roxas and Xion stop talking and glance back at him for a long-suffering moment.

"Oh, okay," Roxas is the first to speak. "Just grab some lights and start stringing them around banisters and pillars."

Vanitas nods and feels relieved until he realizes the lights are beside Xion.

Releasing a heavy sigh, he decides to grow a pair and just take the damn lights. It isn't that big of a deal.

Xion's eyes leave the food she is placing neatly on the table and meet his. A greeting lodges in his throat. He wants to speak to her, he just doesn't know how. What would he even say? Probably something he shouldn't…

Instead of speaking, he silently motions for her to hand him the string of clear, sparkling lights.

Understanding, she reaches over and hands them to him. "Hi, Vanitas. How are you today?"

She smiles and he dies a little inside. How can she be so gentle and forgiving towards him despite everything? She just lets it all go and it never ceases to baffle him. She might hate him, she might resent him, but she never lets on. Her demeanor has always made it so hard for him to not like her, to not be drawn to her and moments like this are the reason why.

"Fine," he replies as kindly as he knows how. "And you?" he probes, their fingertips grazing as he takes the lights from her grasp.

"Same." She smiles again and his scowl twitches.

Vanitas nods and leaves to begin streaming lights along the banisters and the railings within the ballroom. He is actually pretty careful and tries to do a good job because he knows that if it is anything less than satisfactory, Kairi will pitch a fit and demand that he do them over.

"Roxas!" Xion cries. The Black Mage is on the tips of her toes, struggling to wrap the top of the pillar with the clear string of lights but her petite stature is not cooperating. She won't be able to finish unless she has a ladder or a boost, which is probably why she is calling for Roxas.

Vanitas notices her dismay but refrains from helping since she is calling for Roxas and proceeds to finish his work on the railing on the nearby stairwell.

However, Roxas can't hear her. He is talking to Kairi and she is likely demanding something of him. He will no doubt be given another task or be sent off to obtain another ladder, more food, more lights, or any number of things that would help them decorate the already elaborate ballroom or prepare for the party.

"Naminé!" Xion calls for the White Mage. "Are you done with that ladder yet?"

The blonde girl peers down at Xion momentarily. "No. I'm still trying to make the canopy of lights Kairi demanded hang from the ceiling… Ask Roxas to give you a boost."

"He can't hear me! And I think Kairi is about to send him off somewhere…"

When he can't stand the pointless banter anymore, Vanitas throws down his lights and storms to Xion's side.

"Here," he snaps and kneels next to the mage, hands laced together and ready to be a step for her small feet.

Xion peaks beneath her arm at him and carefully keeps her hold on the lights so they won't unravel from around the pillar.

"Oh, um, no, it's okay. I can just—"

"I'm already here," Vanitas hisses.

"I'm sure Roxas will come back-"

"I'm already here," he reiterates tersely. "And I'm taller than him anyway."

"Oh, okay…thanks," Xion surrenders and timidly places her foot in his hand so he can lift her.

Vanitas rises to his feet and Xion wobbles for a moment as she adjusts to the awkward lift. He is impressed with how quickly she gains her balance though.

Instantly, Vanitas notices she isn't as heavy as Kairi, which is refreshing. Holding Kairi hadn't been challenging by any means, but holding Xion is practically effortless. She is the most petite of the girls at the academy. She isn't unnaturally small but she is definitely the smallest.

Xion is also more considerate of her human stepladder than Kairi had been. Xion is careful to not pull his hair and is mindful of her movements. She doesn't do anything drastic and if she does, she warns him. When she asks for him to lift her higher, she is polite and not too bossy. Vanitas would take being Xion's stepladder over Kairi's any day.

Sometimes, Xion reminds him of Aqua. They are similar in many aspects, but Xion is meeker in nature. They are both polite and courteous but Xion lacks the domineering, hypercritical demeanor Aqua has that he found so off-putting. Xion is by no means undetermined but she isn't quite as assertive. She has a strong sense of justice and generosity like Aqua but Vanitas would still consider her shy, secluded, and perhaps a touch emotionally fragile… Characteristics that are nothing like those of the blue instructor.

"Okay. I'm finished," Xion says and Vanitas lowers her to the ground slowly.

Xion wobbles, loses her balance, and slips onto him with a grunt. He manages to catch her and keep her from falling to the floor but it comes at a price. She is squeezing his neck, her head is tucked beneath his, and he can smell daisies on her skin; that is how uncomfortably close she was to him.

Her eyes are squeezed tightly shut as if bracing herself to come into contact with the hard marble floor, blissfully unaware that she is safely cradled in his arms.

"It's safe," he says emotionlessly, eyes locked intently on her.

Apprehensively, Xion's eyes peek open to ensure that what he says is true. She inspects the ground then looks back at him before panicking. Noticing their close proximity, she fumbles away and pushes at him gently in order to get him to put her down.

Vanitas complies but does notice the electricity that shoots between them from the contact. He has never really felt that kind of pull before—at least not to that degree. It's strong and it's impossible for him to ignore it. Being around her is one thing but touching her and being that close to her is apparently another…

"Sorry," she squeaks and nervously places hair behind her ears.

"Need me to help you with the others?" Vanitas bobs his head in the direction of the other pillars that had yet to be covered with lights.

"If you don't mind?" Xion fidgets nervously.

Vanitas doesn't answer but moves to the next pillar and again, holds his hands out for her to step into them. Xion complies silently and when he lifts her he really wishes she were in more… _modest_ attire. Since it is after hours, she isn't in her uniform or the Black Mage garb she wears on missions. Instead, she is a small black shirt that doesn't cover her lower abdomen and shorts… Xion is small but she still has a figure and it is… _distracting_.

There is way too much skin on skin contact for his liking. If she leans over the right way, either her legs or her stomach (depending on how high he is lifting her) are against his cheek. He doubts she notices but he certainly does, every single time he lifts her, every single time she has to loop the lights around each pillar…

She's soft and she smells good and it is seriously clouding his judgment. His mind is wandering around the gutter and the fact that he likes being this close to her makes it even worse. It's refreshing, almost like a warm bath. Maybe even a touch intoxicating, like taking a thick gulp of whiskey and feeling it slowly warm the body from the inside out until the mind is perfectly fuzzy.

Finally, she finishes the last one and he groans. He is so tired of doing this he just lets her slip down, all but dropping her on the floor, causing her to slide down him. They are a breath apart again and the electricity between them is immeasurable. She is looking up at him with bright eyes and he swallows hard. Her hands are resting on his chest as she waits for her feet to connect to the floor.

The contact reminds him the night he got drunk and she had to take him back to his room. He didn't remember much from that night but he does know they had been flush against each other more than once. However, this time, he is sober enough to realize he doesn't mind it, _at all._

Xion's features are flushed when they separate She is so innocent and he thinks that is part of what draws him in. Perhaps the darkness inside him wants to corrupt it. Maybe it wants to destroy it. Maybe it is more χ-blade nonsense. Whatever it was, he was sure it made their tedious affinity worse. His darkness wants her light. He can feel it. He gets drunk off her because she is nothing like him; he feeds on her essence like a leech.

Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why can't he just be attracted to someone without there being some kind of catch? Curse his genetic makeup…or what had been done to it…

* * *

Xion stares holes into the evening gowns she has sprayed across her bed, one green, one blue, and one purple. Xion doesn't care for formal wear. She much prefers to be comfortable but sometimes one is required to wear dresses. However, she doesn't know which one to wear so she is just staring at them while her mind hopelessly wanders.

All day she has been reminded of what Vanitas said the night he got drunk and she had to take him back to his room. She kept thinking about his ravings that suggested that he _felt_ something for her. She hasn't been able to stop dwelling on it since she caught the way that he looked at her while they were decorating for Riku's party.

It was strange and so out of character that she still thinks she might be imagining it. It happened the last time he set her back down on the floor after she finished stringing lights on the last banister. His eyes had met hers and he basically held her against him while he waited for her to get back to her feet. It lasted longer than it should have and his eyes had been lidded but so focused on her it gave her chills.

She supposes she is reading too much into it. It doesn't matter she just…noticed, but what if-

"You are going to be late if you don't pick one," Naminé chides politely.

Xion tears her gaze away from the dresses to acknowledge Naminé and she isn't surprised to see her already dressed and ready for Riku's graduation. As always, her golden hair is loosely curled and draped over one of her milky shoulders. Of course, Naminé sticks to her signature color and wears a long, strapless white dress.

Since the moment she first laid eyes on Naminé, she always thought she resembled an angel and that night was no different. When Xion thought of angels, she always pictured them blue-eyed, blonde and blanketed in white.

"Yeah. I know," Xion replies and continues staring at the garments.

Naminé walks across the small dorm room to inspect the formal apparel, her dress swishing and rustling as she walks.

"You should wear the purple one," the blonde suggests before disappearing back into the bathroom.

With a sigh, Xion lifts the dress to inspect it further. It was deep purple, strapless, and would likely fall below her knees. It was fitted at the top but ruffled and flowed at the bottom. Finally, it had a black band around the middle to define her waist.

Xion supposes it will do.

* * *

The party after the graduation ceremony is nice but it is kind of boring. It isn't as boring as the ceremony that took place beforehand but it's still pretty boring. Xion didn't really expect anything else but she was hoping that since it was Riku's graduation party, things would be a bit more exciting than they normally were.

Graduation parties usually had dancing, wine, stiff suits, fancy dresses, and small talk. The atmosphere is usually pretty calm since the Masters and instructors also come to these particular events.

Xion sits quietly at one of the many rounded tables within the large ballroom nibbling on finger foods Ven had placed in front of her. She has danced until her feet hurt so she has taken it upon herself to give them a break and eat some food.

The others are scattered around everywhere. Axel and Roxas are playing in the chocolate _and_ wine fountains and she makes a mental note to not partake of either anymore. Ven is dancing with Naminé and Terra and Riku are conversing with Master Eraqus nearby. Finally, Kairi and Sora are dancing close to Ven and Naminé. Kairi hasn't stopped dancing since she arrived and Xion envies her stamina. Xion just _can't_ stay on her feet that long in heels. Her feet are not used to heels, at all.

Across the table Xion notes that Aqua has the same idea. Aqua is clad in a long, shimmering yet very elegant baby blue dress and she is aimlessly playing with the food on her plate. Xion knows she isn't hungry. She just doesn't want to be on her feet anymore. Aqua isn't used to wearing heels either, which explains why Terra is talking to Master Eraqus. Xion noticed a while back that Terra either dances with Aqua or not at all.

"Taking a break?" Aqua asks with a smile.

Xion nods. She is glad she isn't the only one not used to wearing heels.

While the Black Mage continues to pick at her food and watches the dancing in the middle of the ballroom, she finally realizes something or _someone_ is missing. She hasn't seen Vanitas all night but she has been a bit too distracted with all the dancing and excitement to notice. If Axel and Roxas weren't hauling her around, Ven was demanding her attention.

"Is Vanitas here?" Xion asks over the blaring party sounds.

Aqua looks surprised for a moment, her brow furrowing as she elegantly sips her wine. "Yes."

"Where is he? I haven't seen him." Xion looks around the room for the black-haired boy in question.

The young instructor places her wine glass back on the table before silently pointing towards the balcony on the other side of the ballroom.

Xion turns to follow Aqua's fingertip and she sees a familiar form lingering by the balcony.

Vanitas _is_ here. He is just being reserved and unsociable as usual; hiding behind a large banister with his arms crossed, watching everyone else interact and have a good time. Xion would go crazy if she lived like that… How can he stand it? No wonder he is so bitter and resentful…

Without putting her shoes back on, Xion walks across the ballroom to the isolated outdoor balcony. He is the only one there, his glowing eyes glued to the floor. As she approaches, she notices (not for the first time) she has never seen anyone with eyes like his. Not just their unusual color, but also the negative emotions simmering behind them. Rage, contempt, resentment, and anguish are constantly at war inside his eyes. And sometimes, if she looks really hard, she can see sadness. Misery lives there too. It pains her. It always has. What must it be like to feel nothing but negative emotions? To be full of nothing but darkness?

Xion once heard Aqua (in a fit of rage) say that there was nothing inside of him but darkness but Xion finds that hard to believe. He certainly has his faults but he isn't _completely_ hopeless.

She smiles at him, hoping her positive emotions are contagious. She places her hands behind her back, leans forward, and cocks her head to catch his gaze.

Vanitas sighs and rips his eyes away from the marble floor to acknowledge her. He had been hoping to spend the entire night alone in the shadows wallowing in his own self-hatred, but apparently, Xion isn't going to let him do that.

He eyes her lips that are contorted into the strange sentiment most call a smile. For a moment, he wonders if he has ever smiled. Genuinely, truly smiled. Smiling because he is happy, not because he is feeling smug or sarcastic.

"I didn't think you were here," she speaks first.

"Eraqus wants me here." He replies looks over the balcony railing, out at the rippling mountain ranges outside.

' _It will be good for you,'_ he had said but Vanitas begs to differ…

Vanitas privately notes she looks cute in her small, purple dress. The unique color of the garment makes her ultramarine eyes mimic shades of violet. He also notices she isn't wearing shoes and he can't help but find it endearing.

"You should come inside. It's cold out here." Xion massages her bare shoulders to ward off the chill.

"Maybe it wouldn't be as cold if you were wearing shoes," he counters without looking at her but he doesn't have to look to know her face has turned red. The girl will blush at just about anything.

Xion's face flushes as her eyes dart to her feet. She hadn't even realized she had walked out there without wearing her shoes…

"I couldn't wear those things anymore. They are killing my feet," Xion says, clicking her heels together nervously.

"It happens when you dance around as much as you have tonight."

Xion nods and things grow quiet. For a moment, all they do is stand there together. To her surprise, it isn't awkward or uncomfortable. He actually seems pretty content with her there and she realizes she is content being there…with him. She isn't sure what that means but she doesn't dwell on it. She can't. She will go crazy if she does.

Subtly looking him over, she notes that he looks handsome. His suit is black but his undershirt is red, of course. He doesn't wear a tie and his button up isn't buttoned all the way. He looks rather lax but it suits him. She wouldn't have expected anything else. He would look strange otherwise.

"Don't you get tired…?" she muses and takes a step towards him.

Vanitas' brow furrows in confusion but he doesn't look at her.

"Of just…watching everyone…?"

"I don't really know anything else," he replies honestly, coldly.

"You could." Xion takes another step towards him.

His golden gaze finally shifts back to her and she freezes.

"I shouldn't." He smirks and his eyes glow mischievously in a way that she can't tell if he is joking or making light of a painfully true statement.

Xion doesn't understand what he is or who he is. He is like a living, breathing legend or myth. She has heard so many stories and rumors about him she doesn't know what is true and what's fallacy. How bad is he? How bad can he truly be? She thinks that the only one who might know is Master Xehanort. Xion isn't even entirely sure if Master Eraqus and Aqua know _everything_ about Vanitas.

Swallowing hard, she takes a major gamble and tugs at one of his arms, effectively unfolding his stubborn limbs. Vanitas gives her a look that is a combination of confusion, irritation, amazement, and astonishment, but he doesn't yank his arm away.

"Dance with me," she demands, she doesn't ask. She can't ask, if she does, he will just say no. He will probably say no anyway but she can't keep herself from wanting to cheer him up somehow. Like always, she finds herself wanting to take his pain away.

"I can't dance," he responds and she isn't surprised.

"Have you ever tried?" Xion continues pulling on his arm.

"No," he replies curtly while he is reluctantly hauled off the safety of the balcony.

"Then how do you know you can't dance?"

"Sometimes you don't have to try something to know you can't do it," Vanitas challenges and attempts to pry her hand off his arm.

"Are you scared?" she taunts and his eyes widen momentarily before narrowing.

"I'm not scared of anything," he hisses.

"Then dance with me." Xion takes his hand in hers.

Vanitas is tense and rugged as she guides him to the dance floor. His feet are heavy and slow and his movements are stiff.

Xion finds an appropriate place away from the crowd and he clumsily crashes into her when she comes to an abrupt halt. He staggers awkwardly before pushing his black tuxedo jacket back and stuffing his hands into his pockets. For a moment, he wonders what Xehanort would think of him if he saw him like this but Vanitas throws that thought away. He can't go to that exceptionally dark place in his mind. Not now.

The music is slow and Xion is looking up at him expectantly, dark lashes fluttering. This is officially a challenge and he won't back down.

Vanitas exhales before quickly snatching her to him, causing her to squeak. She falters for a moment but eventually regains her balance and molds to him. Xion places one hand on his shoulder and he watches her confidence melt away, uncertainty carved into her soft features. He feeds off that uncertainty and gains the courage to take her hand and pull her even closer to him by her waist.

Their eyes lock and there is a long-suffering moment of uncertainty sloshing back and forth between them. He does nothing but hold her and she does nothing but look up at him, wide-eyed. Just what they are uncertain of he doesn't know but he thinks it goes beyond just dancing.

Eventually, he moves first, remembering he is probably supposed to lead. The movements are mechanical and calculated. He tries to mimic what he has watched the others do so many times before. He thinks he is doing a pretty good job for someone who has never attempted to really dance before. He is a bit sloppy of course but he is still pretty good at mimicking actions.

"Relax," she says with a chuckle.

Why in the hell would she say such a thing? Does he look nervous? He thought she was blissfully unaware of his nerves, more astonishing still, he thought he was doing a magnificent job of veiling his emotions. Either he has seriously lost his edge or she is just better at reading him than anyone else.

Regardless, she makes it sound so easy but he isn't sure if he is capable of _'relaxing'_. He tries anyway. He takes in a deep breath and tries to eliminate some of the tension in his shoulders.

Xion feels his shoulder loosen a bit beneath her hand and his movements become a bit more fluid. When he finally relaxes, she can too and she can actually try to enjoy the dance.

Vanitas is warm and it surprises her a little. Why she expected someone with eyes the color of the sun to be cold is beyond her. Perhaps it is because his actions and his character are so cold and withdrawn, but he is warm.

There is a warmth radiating off him and she is drawn to it. Subconsciously, she leans into it and he stiffens again but only momentarily. She is surprised when he lets her, and she thinks she might actually feel him pull her a little closer and conform to her.

It's nice, being this close to someone. It's nice being this close to… _her._ Physical contact is a magical thing that allows him to forget how empty he feels. It is nice to have the void inside of his heart filled with something other than rage and negativity, and Xion fits into that void surprisingly well. Given how he feels about her, he shouldn't be surprised by this.

For the first time in a long time, he isn't thinking about anything unpleasant. His thoughts are simple and focused only on her and the movements of their feet. He is almost at peace in his heedlessness.

He can hear her breathing, feel her heartbeat, and smell the daisies in her hair, on her skin. It is all sickeningly infectious and he feels diseased. He just hopes there is a cure to the ailment she is transferring onto him.

Her head cranes toward his shoulder and a part of him wants her to just go with it and rest her head on him. He can tell she wants to and a part of him wants her to. He almost wishes things were different. But, at the end of the day, this kind of thing isn't for him as much as his heart and hormones try to convince him otherwise. It is for the others, for Sora, for Roxas, Riku, Terra, and Ventus. Xion is Ven's (basically). Vanitas could try to manipulate his way into her heart but he doesn't really see the point. They have a lot in common but she still doesn't belong in the darkness with him. Perhaps he respects her too much to corrupt her. However, that doesn't keep him from holding her closer and securing his hand around hers, that doesn't keep him from almost enjoying that moment, indulging in it and lapping up every speck of flickering contentment that he can find.

When the song ends, he barely notices. He probably wouldn't have known at all if she didn't pull away. The trance breaks and Xion flinches, realizing how close she had gotten to him. Their proximity is dangerous because it makes her realize (not for the first time) that she likes being close to him. It's a realization that causes her to peer up at him timidly. His eyes are fierce but gentle and his expression is soft. His guard is down. This is her favorite version of Vanitas and it is also the one that is seen the least. She used to see this Vanitas more when they were younger, when she first came here but time hasn't been kind to him, _life_ hasn't been kind to him.

For a moment, his expression grows so soft that she thinks he might actually crack a smile.

"Was that so bad?" she asks, trying to break the tension.

Before he can answer, he feels someone tap him on his shoulder. Glancing back, he sees that it is Ventus. Coming it reclaim what is his no doubt.

"Mind if I cut in?" Ven asks with a smile, his eyes darting back and forth between him and Xion.

Actually, he does mind but he can't really say so.

Vanitas relents and backs away. He caves to Ventus' wants and attempts to respect his… _claim_ on Xion. If she belongs to anyone, she belongs to him.

Although he assumes this, Xion still gives him a look as if she is asking permission. It is as if she is making sure he is okay with her going off with Ventus. Of course he is okay with it. Why wouldn't he be…?

Seeing the pleading look in her eyes, he nods to dissolve her uncertainty, effectively passing her back to Ventus. He gives her permission to go back to where she belongs.

Ventus politely leads Xion away and Vanitas goes back to his balcony, wondering why he dared to venture off it in the first place.

_Oh, right. Because she wanted me to,_ he muses bitterly.

During his walk back to his safe spot, he wonders when exactly Xion gained the ability to control him. What was it about her that made him act so uncharacteristically? When did he become so weak and stupid? He needs to get himself under control before he really does something he will regret or before he decides to throw caution to the wind and _allow_ himself to do something he will regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!
> 
> That's right! I'm doing a χ-blade parallel! It won't be exactly the same but I am using the general premise for this story. So canon elements will definitely be present although this is an alternate universe. Again, I know all of this is probably still confusing, but for some reason, it's in my vision to have it structured this way. It will be a gradual reveal and hopefully, everything will make sense before it's over with!
> 
> Next time, Xion and Vanitas will be going on a mission together! Woo!
> 
> Thanks again for reading and I hope you enjoyed the VERY delayed chapter!


	6. Chapter 6

**Master** Eraqus has stumbled upon Vanitas's weakness. Xion. For whatever reason, Vanitas has a soft spot for the small mage but Aqua is unsure of how she feels about exploiting this weakness. She knows this will protect Vanitas but Aqua is not thrilled about having him around Xion… She is good for him…but she can't help but doubt that he is good for her.

"We've had this conversation before, Eraqus. I work alone. Either I go alone or I don't go at all." Vanitas folds his arms over his chest and haphazardly props his feet on the Master's desk, scattering papers and knocking over paperweights as he does so.

Aqua chews on her bottom lip. She'd been expecting this. Although Eraqus had assured her Vanitas would go on his mission if they paired him (or bribed him) with Xion, but when Vanitas came to his office for briefing, Aqua could tell he was in a particularly foul mood. Enough time has passed since Vanitas's incident during the Mark of Mastery Exam and he is back to his old self. Aqua still isn't sure if this is a good thing or not...

Perhaps they were wrong. Perhaps they misread his feelings for Xion… Aqua's doubts are evident but Master Eraqus is steadfast as he sits across from him.

They have decided to follow the recent Heartless and Nobody outbreaks to find some clues that could lead them to Ansem, Xemnas, and hopefully, Xehanort. The incident with Vanitas has reminded Master Eraqus how important it is to find Xehanort and stop him before he does anything drastic like bring about the next Keyblade War. They need to find out what they are up to, so the best students in the academy are being split into squads and sent to the Destiny Islands, Twilight Town, Traverse Town, and Radiant Garden to search for clues and the former headmasters themselves. However, getting Vanitas to go on a mission with a team – even a small one – is always a challenge, which is why they are using Xion to get compliance out of Vanitas now.

"Would you rather us send Naminé, Sora,  _and_  Xion with you?" Eraqus counters confidently.

Vanitas grits his teeth at this. "No…"

"Then meet us halfway. I can't send you alone, but I am not putting you in a large group either, so you can humor me by taking _one_  mage."

Aqua's gaze goes back to Vanitas and he mulls it over for a moment. Honestly, she still isn't sure if he will go for this compromise even if the mage is Xion. He seems pretty adamant about going alone. They'd made a nasty habit of sending him alone over the years to keep him from making a stink but they can't risk it this time, especially after the little Mark of Mastery incident and if she is completely honest about it, they don't want him stumbling upon Xehanort or even Ansem or Xemnas alone…

"Fine, but she better not slow me down." Vanitas rises to his feet and leaves the office, slamming the door behind him.

Master Eraqus smiles in silent triumph.

Aqua can't believe it. Vanitas has just agreed to go on a mission with a partner. Master Eraqus was right, but she really hopes she isn't making a huge mistake by throwing Xion to the wolf…

* * *

Vanitas and Xion are being sent to the Destiny Islands to help deal with the Heartless or something to that effect. Master Eraqus was pretty vague on the details during the briefing. He just said to follow the Heartless, get rid of as many as possible, and look for clues that might help them find Xehanort. It was the same mission summary he had given to all of the students going on these missions except for some of them, the order was eliminate Nobodies instead of Heartless.

They have been scattered everywhere over different periods of time to seem more discrete, but Vanitas doesn't think it will work. Xehanort and his sons are clever. They will know when they are on their trail regardless of how discrete they try to be. However, that won't keep Vanitas from doing this mission. He'll do it. He doesn't really know why but he'll do it. Maybe it is because he has nothing better to do or maybe he is still looking for some kind of salvation or perhaps a miracle. He isn't quite sure but he isn't going to dwell on it. Instead, he decides to eye his partner.

Xion is quiet yet content and she has been since they boarded the train.

In order to get to the islands, they have to take a train to Twilight Town. Then, they have to board a ferry that will take them to the islands themselves. It is a pain in the ass to go to the Destiny Islands, which is yet another reason Vanitas didn't want to go on this particular mission in the first place. Period.

Xion, however, doesn't seem to mind the mission or the lengthy trip. In fact, she has a hint of a smile on her lips as she stares out the window and admires all the blinding, orange scenery.

The girl is in her full Black Mage getup but she politely removed her witch hat when they addressed the conductor and boarded the train. It now sits quietly next to her in the empty seat to her right. Her skirt is short but her stockings are high and she wears bell sleeves that aren't unlike the ones Aqua wears up to her elbows. Finally, she wears what looks like a black, jacket-like dress except it has no sleeves. It does however have a hood and a long silver zipper up the middle. She is clad in mostly black but she is highlighted in vibrant purples.

Vanitas lacks her courtesy. Instead of taking his helmet off when she removed her hat, he kept it on. He has stubbornly kept his headgear on since they left the academy. If he is going to wear his Dark Knight armor, he is going to do it right. He isn't going to half ass anything. If they want him to be a Dark Knight, he'll give them a Dark Knight.

Xion must feel his gaze on her although she can't see it thanks to his sleek headgear. She takes her bluish-purple eyes away from the window and looks across the streetcar at him.

"Are you bored?"

"No. I'm having the time of my life. I enjoy watching time slowly pass while I try to stare holes through my helmet."

Xion rose from her seat and sat next to him, causing him to automatically tense and scoot away. "Then take it off. I don't like seeing my reflection when I try to talk to you."

"Then don't look at me."

"I'm not gonna stare at the floor while I talk to you."

"Then don't talk to me."

"Geez, you are particularly foul today..." Xion backs away from him, picking her battles.

"I am not."

"Are too."

"No, I am very pleasant today. Can we drop this?" He takes a moment to glare at her before training his eyes to the floor of the streetcar again.

Xion smiled. "You know what your problem is?"

"No, but I'm sure you're going to enlighten me," Vanitas groans and holds his head back in exasperation.

"You take everything way too seriously. You should try to cheer up. Try laughing once in a while instead of brooding all the time."

The warrior frowns inside his helmet. "I don't brood all the time."

"Yes, you do. You're doing it now."

"I am not," he says under his breath, not sounding very convincing. Probably because he knows she is right…

"Prove it." Xion crosses her arms and eyes his helmet intently as if she is trying to find his eyes inside of it.

Vanitas can tell what she was implying. She wants him to take his helmet off so he can  _'prove'_  he isn't brooding. If he isn't brooding, then he should have no problem taking his helmet off so she can read his features. He can't hide his brooding if he isn't wearing his helmet.

"Fine." Vanitas hurls his headgear off and tosses it next to her hat.

Xion grins. "See? Was that so bad? Being nice and cooperative doesn't make you weak."

"Yes, it does…" Vanitas slouches in his seat, silently wondering how she somehow knows of his insecurities regarding weakness, insecurities that manifested _long_  before he ever laid eyes on her.

Her smile falls. "Who told you that? Xehanort?"

Vanitas doesn't answer. He glares out the adjacent window, his jaw tightening.

Xion gently places a hand on top of his. "It's okay. Thinking that doesn't make you a bad person."

"You're probably the only one who thinks so," he replies as he stares at the small hand resting on top of his. To his surprise, she doesn't take it away immediately, instead it lingers there affectionately.

"You aren't a bad person, Vanitas, just…misunderstood." Xion's eyes fall but she sounds sincere. He can tell she is being honest. She honestly thinks he is simply misunderstood, which explains how and why she treats him differently.

Vanitas hears what she says and even appreciates it to a fault but he has nothing to say in return. What could he possibly say to that? What is he suppose to do? Thank her? No, he holds his tongue.

"See! You're doing it again!"

"What?" He jerks, surprised by her outburst.

"Brooding!"

"I am not!"

Xion giggles. "Are too!"

"Fine! If I admit that I brood all the time, will you stop talking?"

The black-haired girl smiles triumphantly. "Yes."

"Okay. You win. I brood all the time. Now will you shut up?"

Xion nods and silence fills the cab again as Vanitas starts staring holes into the flooring yet again.

The more he thinks about it, the more he starts to think she is right. He honestly wasn't even aware that he was brooding the second time. It is probably instinctive at this point. He just does it without thinking. He does it so often he doesn't even know when he is or isn't doing so.

After a while, he feels Xion inching closer to him. He ignores it but his curiosity _is_  peaked.

With a mischievous glint in her eyes, Xion reaches over and pokes his side. It doesn't hurt but it tingles a bit.

Vanitas sighs and looks at her out of the corner of his eye. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," she says innocently and shakes her head.

A few more seconds pass and he feels the poking again, this time in a different spot.

"Stop it. That's annoying." He shifts away from her but she follows him and continues poking at his side as if she is looking for a soft spot. His body betrays him and he starts jumping when she pokes the more tender areas of his side.

"Cut it out!" he squeaks when she pokes the same spot again.

Damn it all she has found his weak spot… If she had been anyone else, he would have threatened to break her hand and every single one of her fingers (and probably followed through with it) by now but she isn't anyone else. She is Xion and he can't bring himself to even threaten her properly and they both know it. Xion is...special.

_Good grief what have I been reduced to?_

"Are you ticklish?" Xion smiles again, the bright one she does whenever she feels accomplished.

Vanitas bites his lip and shifts uncomfortably, crossing his arms over his chest to attempt to protect himself. "No."

"No?" she cries in disbelief before poking his side again.

Vanitas almost jolts off his seat as he jerks away from the sharp tingle in his side. "Will you stop?!" his voice shakes and his mouth twitches and aches from fighting his smile.

Xion holds her hands up in mock surrender before placing them in her lap and smiling at him. "It's okay. You can laugh. I won't tell anyone."

The Black Mage winks and his mouth twitches.

* * *

Nothing. They wandered the islands for  _hours_  and found a whole lot of nothing. Sure, there were a few (substandard) Heartless that kept them somewhat amused but other than that, this trip had been a complete bust in his opinion. He could have done this alone and with his eyes closed.

Xion had asked around repeatedly if anyone had seen any sign of Xemnas, Xehanort, or Ansem but no one had seen a thing. A few said they saw some suspicious characters lingering around in black cloaks but couldn't verify who they were so the information wasn't helpful or substantial. To make things worse, it had started raining, and Vanitas hates rain. It is such an annoying necessity. Who in their right mind wants to get drenched by stuff falling out of the sky?

They are soaked through and through and covered in damp, clots of sand. Vanitas just knows his armor will rust. It's a good thing it is thinner than most. It barely looks like armor at all. It looks more like a second skin.

Looking over and attempting to peer through the heavy rain, he sees Xion. Her hat droops from the water it contains and he knows that if he were to tip the rim of her hat water would flow to the ground like a waterfall for a good ten minutes.

Xion looks cold and miserable. Her arms are wrapped around her bare yet tense shoulders. She is holding her head down and her back is hunched as if it would save her from the rain and he thinks he can see her shivering. He has to resist the urge to wrap an arm around her or do _something_  to stop her shivering.

Yanking his Keyblade out of yet another Heartless corpse, he asks, "You ready to call it a day?"

Xion eyes her own Keyblade and then, the area around them as she contemplates this. "I think so."

Vanitas nods and dismisses his Keyblade before beginning the trek back to the docks.

They walk in silence mainly because the storm has grown too loud for them to hear themselves think, much less communicate with one another.

The wind intensifies. The palm trees begin to bow over and the waves are crashing violently into the shore. It's slowly occurring to him that this might not be a regular storm… They probably should have called it quits a while back but Xion wanted to be thorough. She didn't want any Heartless left wandering around nor did she want to leave without talking to as many people as possible to find something that could lead them to Xehanort.

Before he can voice his suspicions about the weather to Xion, her hat his blown off her head and she is blazing off after it.

"No! Come back!" she cries as if it will listen to her and obey.

The Black Mage runs around, shouting at the hat like it were human, her hair flying around her face and shoulders wildly.

This amuses Vanitas to the point that he actually stops walking and watches her frantically chase after her hat along the beach. He folds his arms and watches for a while and it slowly occurs to him that he is… _smiling_ , genuinely.

Vanitas catches himself and it is like a slap to the face. He is smiling, not smirking or sneering but actually smiling. He is smiling because he is happy and he is happy because of her. She makes him happy and no one makes him happy…

He's noticed this kind of thing with her before. It is nothing new. He respects her because she respects him. She controls him in unthinkable ways and can talk him into things he wouldn't ever do otherwise. He has acknowledged and accepted all of these things in the past but it wasn't until he noticed how happy she made him that he was able to add it all together and realize what it meant.

It isn't possible. It can't be. He'd thought for years it was impossible and he still isn't entirely convinced but he thinks he might... He… He  _loves_  her… He's loved her for years but never really had the courage, the sense, or the mentality to acknowledge it or realize it. He accepted the signs but he never put it all together. How could he? Things like love and tender sentiments had been lost on him for a while now. It's one of the many things that landed just beyond his realm of comprehension. He'd accepted that he would never feel  _anything_  like it or relatively close to it again but he recognizes it now but he isn't sure how to take it or how to respond to it.

The hat flies away from her and blows through the wind towards him and he catches it effortlessly.

Xion runs through the rain toward him, winded and frustrated yet grateful.

"Thank you." She smiles and holds her hands out for the hat and his heart sinks into his stomach. He feels naked now that he has put a name on what it is that he's been feeling for her for years now. Can she sense it? Does she know what he is thinking and feeling? Can it be smelled like fear? If so, he is about to be terribly embarrassed.

"Vanitas?" she inquires when he continues to hold the hat and stare at her blankly.

Vanitas blinks a few times before coming back to his senses.

"Here." He hands it to her and she smiles up at him in a way that makes his stomach clench, verifying his suspicions further. He does. He loves her and that sentiment is probably the last good one left inside of him, which is probably why he had so much trouble putting his finger on it.

 _Idiot,_ he muses.

Xion places her hat back on her dark head and he walks off briskly, trying to get to the docks and away from all the realizations and emotions swarming around in him.

They finally reached the docks. The water is cruelly crashing into the feeble wood that creates the dock. The small rowboats fly around, just barely tethered to the dock by the frail rope.

Vanitas searched his pockets for munny as Xion watches silently from his side.

"Two," he says curtly as he slams the munny into the boatman's hand.

"Sorry." The man shakes his head and hands the munny back to him. "A bad one is coming in. All ferries and boats aren't permitted to leave the harbor until the storm passes. Looks like you two are stuck here for the night."

Damn this tiny, backwater island. Any other town would have airships and they would be able to go back to the Land of Departure...

"Do you know somewhere we could stay?" Xion asks as Vanitas blazes off, leaving a string of profanities in his wake.

"There's an old inn back east closer to the village." The boatman then began pointing different directions and spouting off random information but Vanitas isn't listening. He doesn't have to. Xion can deal with it while he blows off steam. He needs to find a Heartless so he can take his frustrations out on it...

Eventually, after finishing speaking to the plump, short boatman, Xion approaches him. "He says there is an inn other side of the island but we will have to hurry. The storm is getting worse."

"How long will it take to get there?"

Xion shrugs. "He didn't say."

Vanitas sighs and begins walking away. "Then I guess we better get going."

The storm continues to intensify and they aren't anywhere near a safe place to call it a night.

The trees bow over more and more and the tide is getting higher and higher. It is bad and it will only get worse. The fool at the docks acted like this wasn't even the heart of the storm.

Nearby, Vanitas sees a small shack. It is nestled against a wooden structure. It isn't much and it  _is_  shelter, which is more than they have wandering around out here.

"I think we should stay there for the night!" Vanitas shouts over the thunder, the howling wind, and the rain as he points to the small shack.

"In that?" Xion looks surprised and slightly appalled by the suggestion. She clearly doesn't think it is safe.

"Better that shack than a ditch."

"You don't think we can make it to the village?"

Thunder booms in response, and the wind grows so strong Xion nearly stumbles.

"What do you think?" he sneers, dripping sarcasm as he eyes the black, lightning streaked sky.

"The tiny shack it is…"

Vanitas walks close to her, shielding her body with his and guiding her through the heavy rain and swirling sand. He keeps a hand on the small of her back and pushes her a bit harder than necessary but it is the thought that counts. He is trying to be – what's the word – considerate?

Once they are inside, he takes his hands off her and slams the wooden door shut behind them.

The shack is virtually empty, which is nice. They won't have to fight for space. There is some rope nearby in a corner and some cloth hanging on the wall but other than that, it is empty.

"I knew it." Vanitas hurled off his dripping helmet and threw it to the sandy ground of the shack. "I knew it. I knew it. I knew this was going to be a disaster the moment Eraqus said I couldn't go alone."

Xion quietly nods her understanding as she walks further inside. She removes her hat and begins ringing the rain out of her clothes and her dark hair.

"I can't wait until we get back so that I can tell them what a colossal waste of time this was," Vanitas continues to vent and Xion continues to listen, shaking her hair dry as she does so. "If I get pneumonia and die because of this mission, I swear I will spend my entire afterlife haunting them."

After a while, he calms down and realizes Xion isn't quite right. She has taken a seat in a corner and brought her knees to her chest. She is staring blankly at the floor between them and looks like she is a few moments from rocking back and forth.

Whatever it is that's bugging her, he is sure it will pass so he doesn't dwell on it.

Vanitas removes his upper body armor and tosses it to the floor of the shack with his helmet.

Xion's face goes red. "W-What are you doing?"

"Attempting to dry off and get comfortable enough to sleep." Vanitas shakes his head, attempting to shake off some of the rain that clings to his hair. How his hair managed to get this wet while he was wearing a helmet is still beyond him.

Her blue eyes are as wide as saucers as they follow the rainwater sliding down the contours of his torso, over the pale skin that covers his muscles. What he would give to be able to read her mind. The lewd part of him wants to ask her if she likes what she sees but he remembers that this is Xion and she wouldn't appreciate such talk.

"Oh," she squeaks, her face still rosy as she places some of her damp hair behind her ear.

The warrior goes to the corner opposite her and plops down onto the ground.

Great. Now he is wet  _and_  sandy. If he never has to go to another beach again, it will be too soon.

For a long time, Vanitas merely watches her. He will never understand his fascination with her but that doesn't keep him from studying her as if she is some kind of calculus book.

He doesn't ask but he doesn't have to. With time, he figures out what is wrong with Xion. As the storm outside intensifies, it becomes clearer and clearer. Xion hates storms and now that she isn't able to distract herself with Heartless or interrogations, her fear has manifested and reached the forefront.

Lightning crashes and she squeals, holding her hands over her ears.

Yep. She definitely isn't a fan of storms.

_Better gear up, kid. It's just gonna get worse._

Vanitas can't help but find this somewhat endearing. Xion fights monsters on a daily basis and she never shows any hint of fear, but cook up a nasty storm and she cowers in the corner like a puppy.

Vanitas props himself up against one of the flimsy walls of the shack and tries to sleep, but it is hard between the storm outside and Xion's whimpers.

"Are you capable of  _not_  doing that every time you hear thunder? Don't you  _cast_  Thunder spells?" he grouses without opening his eyes.

"I-It isn't the same," she replies, her voice shaky.

"You need to sleep."

"I can't."

"Sure you can," he taunts, opening his eyes and folding his arms over his chest.

"No, I really can't," she insists politely with a shake of her head. "I'll just wait until it passes."

"It probably won't pass until tomorrow and I am not going to listen to you whimper and squeal all night."

"I'm sorry." She holds her head down. "I'll try to be quiet."

Vanitas decides to humor her and give her one more chance. He closes his eyes and tries yet again to do something that resembles sleep.

To her credit, she lasts a lot longer than he thought she would, but when a loud clap of thunder sounds and shakes the earth, the yelps.

Vanitas sighs at her, frowning but the frown doesn't last long. It is soon replaced by a sneer. He has an idea, a devious one but still an idea nonetheless.

He crawls across the space between them before taking a seat next to her. Xion looks at him suspiciously for a moment and looks like she might say something cynical but the booming outside stops her. Thunder rumbles loudly in the sky again, causing Xion to flinch right into Vanitas's chest.

As expected, Xion gravitates to the form next to hers and Vanitas wraps an arm around her shoulders.

Unknowingly, Xion grabs fistfuls of his biceps and buries her face in his chest as if it will protect her from the storm.

When the thunder fades, Xion realizes what she has done and timidly looks up at the man holding her. Half of her expects him to shove her into the sand and tell her to get off of him and to stop being such a pansy but he doesn't. His mouth twitches into something that almost looks like a smile and his thumb moves gently over her shoulder, his eyes glowing with an emotion she can't read.

"I'm so sorry," she squeaks and pulls away only to be pushed back to him by another loud crash.

Whimpering, she folds into him again and his arms envelop her as if he were expecting it. He probably was.

Comforting others is a new concept. He isn't sure if he is even doing it right but he tries. Neither of them will get any sleep if he doesn't. Besides, holding her isn't terrible. It isn't terrible at all. Hell, he will go ahead and admit it. He likes it. He is a selfish creature with wants and while he is still very unsure of his whole _love_  concept/theory, wanting something isn't knew. He understands want and right now, a part of him wants her.

He runs his hands along her damp back. He pats her shoulders, and runs his thumbs against her smooth skin. He notes that he mustn't be doing too bad of a job comforting her because she doesn't object. In fact, he is pretty sure he feels her melting into him, nestling into his chest and getting closer. Vanitas also thinks she isn't shaking as much and her reactions to the thunder and lightning aren't as strong.

Xion finds herself pressing her ear to his chest, right over his heart and listening to the pounding of his heartbeat. She hones in on that sound and attempts to use it to drown out the sounds of the raging storm.

Aqua had once told her that Vanitas's vitals were different. Xion had never believed it until that moment. She can hear his heartbeat and it is loud and powerful and _fast_. Vanitas is merely sitting down but his heart is hammering as if he were prepping for battle or running a race. It is steady although it is quick, rhythmic and smooth despite the abnormality.

It has been a while since anyone has held her like this. It is probably the first time she's  _ever_  been held like this if she really thinks about it. Sure, Ven has held her before but not like this. This doesn't have a hint of inexperience or uncertainty. This is confident and intimate. Ven always holds her like he thinks she will break but Vanitas is holding her like he knows she won't, like he doesn't want her to get away.

Vanitas doesn't feel like Ventus. He doesn't feel bad just…different. They both have the same slender, wiry yet strong build but Vanitas feels different. He is bigger and perhaps a bit thicker and not as lithe. His arms are stronger and his hold is firm. The muscle underneath his skin is firm.

It isn't long until her train of through trails off and she feels her eyelids growing heavy. She listens to his steady thumping of his heartbeat, fingers curling against his skin and thinks she will be able to sleep after all.

As expected, she falls asleep and Vanitas can't keep from feeling smug. He is smiling again and it isn't  _completely_  malicious.

Shifting the petite girl around in his arms, he moves to get more comfortable, which is surprisingly easy thanks to her. Heat radiates off her. She warms him from the inside out and she smells like rain and of course, daisies. She is tender and soft, almost like holding a teddy bear. Subconsciously, he pulls her closer and falls asleep.

* * *

_Master Xehanort has taken them to the training facility deep within Radiant Garden's institution. It's after hours and all of the other students are back at their dorms asleep, but Xehanort has taken them to the training facility._

_Ventus walks in Vanitas's shadow and he lets him. Vanitas walks slowly and waits for his younger brother to keep up so he can stay close. Honestly, Vanitas is a bit nervous about this too and he is glad Ventus is there with him._

" _This training exercise will consist of you two sparing one another," the Master says._

_Vanitas eyes the man he has come to call Master cynically. This is an odd request. Why is it necessary that it be just he and Ventus? What's so special about this particular…spar? Why couldn't they spar like anyone else during the day and with others around?_

_Vanitas looks down at the deep, bruising puncture wounds in his arms and wonders if his_   _treatments (the ones Xehanort insisted they have) have anything to do with this… He is still sore from being hooked up to IV's like a damn switchboard and uncharacteristically irritable to boot, but Ventus seems fine…better than fine actually… He is practically glowing._

" _Why?" Vanitas finally asks._

" _You two are my best students and I want to see how you two fair against one another. It isn't really fair to pit you against the others considering how advanced you both are. You two need to be challenged so you can reach your full potential."_

_Vanitas looks back at his wide-eyed brother. He looks terrified and Vanitas also thinks he has an unfair advantage… This just isn't a good idea._

" _But Ventus is smaller and younger than me…"_

" _He will never improve if you baby him," Xehanort snaps without bothering to look at him._

 _Xehanort is nothing if not an extremist. Vanitas has learned this over the years and he and Ventus always received special treatment. Xehanort spent lots of one on one time with them and overlooked their training and progress personally ever since he hauled them out of that orphanage but he has never made a request quite like this one. At the same time, who is he to deny him? Surely he knows best. He_ **is**   _their master._

_Vanitas sighs as he relents. He walks across the training field and squares up to face Ventus for the first time but it certainly wouldn't be the last…_

_They clash again and again but Vanitas holds back and he is reprimanded severely for doing so. Ventus starts to cry and Vanitas comes to his defense but it's in vain. He is only reprimanded again, this time for both his mistakes and Ventus's._

_Ventus is told to toughen up and that he will need a thicker skin for this._

_Eventually, Ventus falls to his knees, bleeding and unable to continue._

_Vanitas sighs, dismisses his Keyblade, and awaits Xehanort's order._

_He feels cold…empty…different…wrong…_

" _Get up, Ventus," Master Xehanort commands and approaches the blonde boy._

" _I can't. I don't want to do this anymore. That felt awful!" Ventus shakes his head and Vanitas thinks his brother might cry._

" _Do you see your brother complaining?" Xehanort challenges, shooting a finger back at Vanitas._

_Ventus sniffles and shakes his head._

" _Get up," the Master repeats._

" _Just let us go. We've been doing this for hours. You already saw that we aren't evenly matched. Vanitas is better than me…"_

_Vanitas concurs. He is sick of this pointless brawling as well but he isn't about to voice that. He knows better._

" _All the more reason to continue the training. Perhaps you can learn a thing or two from your brother. The best way to learn to defeat an opponent is to become familiar with them." Xehanort circles Ventus like a vulture. "Again."_

_Wiping his eyes with the back of hand, Ventus rises to his feet and falls into his battle stance._

_Once Vanitas is sure Ventus is prepared to battle again, he strikes._

* * *

Vanitas jolts awake and is assaulted by wave after wave of nausea.

Grimacing, he pinches the bridge of his nose and tries to block it all out but it is too late. He remembers. He remembers the beginning… He remembers it vividly. He remembers feeling something other than hatred, jealousy, and contempt for Ventus and he remembers how awful it felt sparing with him that first time and it would only get worse. The further their treatments progressed and the older they got, the more painful the sparring became and not just physically.

That dream, while unpleasant wasn't as bad as it could have been. That was only the beginning. It would get worse…much worse. There were darker times he could have dreamt about instead, so in a way, he is grateful to his subconscious for being somewhat merciful.

Taking a deep breath, he tries to focus on something else. He listens to the cawing of gulls and the gentle crashing of waves, and finally, the faint purr of Xion's breathing.

_Xion…_

Feeling a foreign weight on his chest, he looks down to see Xion right where he left her. Well, not  _exactly_  where he left her. He is on his back now and she is more to the side of him than she had been before, but she is still conforming to him. Her head is still on his chest under his chin and her arms are folded on his chest.

A smirk tugs at the corners of Vanitas's lips and he wraps his arms around her shoulders, pulling her flush against him and indulging in having her this close.

The night before, he'd convinced himself that he did what he did to comfort her. He insisted that he held her out of necessity so they could sleep but now, he realizes it was more out of pure indulgence than necessity. He did it simply because he  _wanted_ to. He wanted that heady feeling he got from being that close to her. He wanted the sensation of holding her like when they danced and when they decorated for Riku's graduation party.

He wants her. He will admit it. He can't deny it anymore. Whether or not he truly loves her is still up for debate (considering he might not be capable of real, genuine love) but he  _definitely_  wants her. That is why he always felt the way he did around her. It is why he pushed her away, why he tolerated her over all others, why she always made him feel funny, why being close to her was bittersweet agony because he knew he couldn't or shouldn't have her. He didn't want the rejection but here he is, holding her and grasping at anything he could get out of her. It is bad but the way he sees it, he is in too deep…so why fight it? He is a monster after all and monsters don't care about what they should or shouldn't do. Who is he to deny himself of the one thing that makes his world a little brighter, makes him a little happier, a little less miserable?

Xion shifts against him and he almost groans, his body reacting a bit too  _eagerly_  to her movements. As innocent as they are, there is still skin on skin contact, there is still friction and he feels  _all of i_ t, every curve on her body, every breath she draws…

She yawns and her hands flatten against his skin, her fingertips curving and almost caressing his hide. It's like being carved open. As nice as it is, it is still hard to process. Yes, Vanitas has been much closer to other women on more than one occasion but he has never been close to one he actually cares about, close to one who can actually hurt him…

Eventually, she stiffens with realization. Her head slowly rises and her gaze meets his meekly.

He looks at her expectantly and she blushes. Now that the storm is gone she has to come to terms with what they did as well and decide whether or not she still wants to indulge in this dangerous proximity. There are no more excuses for either of them.

Hauling his arms behind his head, he watches her and waits to gage her reaction. He wants to see how she will react. He wants to see if her eyes will betray her or if she will be honest. This could go any number of ways and he is intrigued by each of them.

Her black hair is messy in the most immaculate way. It is longer than it was when they were preteens but not by much. It now falls just beyond her shoulders and thanks to the rain, now holds the slightest curl.

Accepting how he  _felt_  brought everything to a new light. In a way, it is like seeing everything for the first time and she is no different. He always found her attractive before but now…

Xion does something akin to a smile as she gradually pries herself off him and sits upright. "Good morning," she squeaks, her voice revealing how embarrassed she is. It's cute.

The sun is shining through the cracks in the shack and he realizes she can probably see him better than she had the night before. Her eyes linger on his torso before they jerk back to his face.

"Morning, sunshine," he replies. "Did you manage sleep at all?"

He notes that she looks more embarrassed then regretful or ashamed, and he feels a bit better about being so selfish. Not that he really felt that guilty to begin with. Guilt - along with many other things - is a challenge but he feels things like that more when he is with Xion, probably because he tries to feel what he  _should_  to keep her from thinking less of him. The fact that she is is capable of guilt also makes him more aware of it.

"Yeah. I'm still a little tired though…" She rubs the back of her neck nervously.

"We can rest a little longer," he says and selfishly and unthinkingly pulls her back onto him. It is impulsive but he finds that he just doesn't care.

Xion tenses but eventually, complies. Her head falls back onto his chest and she drapes her arm over his abdomen.

It's wrong. It is so wrong and her mind is screaming that at her but she can't help but conform to him again. He is warm and there is so much more to this now that the storm has passed. Before, it felt like he was doing her a favor. He did it out of sympathy and she accepted because she acknowledged she needed it to relax and rest but now it feels like straight affection and that is a problem.

As her eyes close, her mind goes back to the night he got drunk and said that he 'liked her first'… Suggesting he felt something for her before Ven did, before she and Ven became an almost  _thing_ … It is true. It has to be. That is the only explanation for his behavior. Vanitas…cares for her. She knew that was a possibility and yet she allowed this to continue. She probably even  _encouraged_  it. After all, she had the inkling that he felt this way. Hell, he all but told her that night in his dorm but he was drunk! And it is Vanitas! How seriously could she have taken it?! He doesn't care about anyone… He  _can't_  care about anyone, right?

Maybe she likes it… Maybe she likes the thought of him fawning over her. Maybe she likes the fact that he treats her differently than anyone else. If that is true, then she doesn't know what that says about her. She supposes it means she is an enabler and that she is guilty to a fault by leading him on and playing with emotions in her own twisted, roundabout way. Xion feels awful but he feels... _good_  and she can't deny that she likes being with him like this. She likes how warm he is. She likes the way his muscles bulge in all the right places. She likes how cozy and safe she feels when he wraps his arms around her. She likes how smooth yet calloused and war ridden his pale skin is. She even likes hearing his irregular heartbeat against her ear.

When Xion can't take the confusion and the guilt (no matter how inadvertent), she sits up again and looks for her hat.

Vanitas is asleep again and doesn't feel her move and she thinks it is for the best. She isn't sure if she can handle him wondering why she didn't stay on him when she said she was still tired. She is but she can't handle everything swarming around in her head and even her heart. She needs a moment to think, to processes all of this...whatever _this_  is...

Xion gathers up her things and watches him sleep, trying to wrap her head around his actions,  _their_ actions. He might have initiated it but she certainly didn't stop him. She is the one who is always trying to take his pain away. She is the one who is always trying to cheer him up. She planted these little seeds and for some stupid reason, never expected them to reap fruit (it is Vanitas after all) but now that fruit was budding she didn't know what to do. What did she think would happen?

Subconsciously, she brushes some of his messy, matted hair off his face and she can't keep herself from thinking he is beautiful in a tragic way, but she stops herself. She can't do this. She is supposed to be with Ven. She is trying to be with Ven but-

All train of thought comes to an abrupt halt when Vanitas stirs. He looks at her suspiciously when he finds her on the other side of the shack instead of on his chest where he left her but he doesn't say anything about it. He gets up, puts his armor and helmet back on, and Xion berates herself further for intently watching the way his muscles move and ripple down his back when he moves.

"Ready to go?" he inquires and motions toward the door.

Xion jolts out of her reverie, but nods and follows him out, resolving to leave what happened in that shack, _in_ that shack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awe, fluff! Makes you feel all warm and tingly on the inside, doesn't it?
> 
> Next time, Xion and Vanitas will try to act as though nothing has changed, but Axel and Roxas will have some questions for Xion, and Vanitas will have to confront some newfound jealousy he has for a certain blonde brother of his!
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	7. Chapter 7

**Her** jello is staring sappily up at her. It is green and it jiggles with poorly subdued exuberance. She pokes it a few times but doesn’t eat it despite it being her lunch break. And no, her mother never told her not to play with her food. That would require having a mother, a _real_ mother for a period lasting longer than a few months.

Sure, she has had several mothers over the years. She’s had more mothers than she cares to admit; some of them nicer than others but none of them really cared about her. They either had other children or other priorities. Xion had always been something temporary in their lives, which is how she ended up here, in a military academy.

“You’re awfully quiet today,” Roxas says politely as he eats his sandwich next to her.

“She has been quiet ever since she got back from that mission with Vanitas.” Axel begins scraping the bottom of the plastic container; fishing for any remnants of chocolate pudding he might have missed.

Her friends are right. She has been a bit detached since returning, but she has her reasons. She is nothing if not guilty and confused. She no longer knows which way is up. She thought she had everything figured out but that was until she had effectively cuddled with Vanitas while they were stranded in a shack on the Destiny Islands. Now everything was...messy. She’d vowed to keep what happened in that shack, _in_ that shack but that was proving to be much harder than she’d anticipated.

“I’m a bit tired, that’s all,” she replies impassively. It isn’t a complete lie. Thanks to all the confusion and guilt, she hadn’t slept very much the night before. Her mind was too wild and it fought sleep ruthlessly.

“Did something happen? He didn’t do anything to you, did he?” asks Axel, sounding genuinely concerned.

Xion shakes her head, her eyes not leaving her nervous pudding. “No. No, of course not.”

“Then what is your deal? You are almost as quiet at you were when Xemnas first brought you to Twilight Town and I swear you go red in the face every time you see Vanitas.”

Xion blushes at the thought of blushing. She hates her traitorous cheeks. “I’ve just been...thinking a lot.”

“About?” Axel probes and Xion glares at him for being so nosey.

“This and that.”

“You’re being vague,” Axel challenges.

“You’re being pushy,” she counters.

Axel chuckles and reclines in his seat, throwing his arms behind his head. “Fair enough.”

“All teasing aside,” Roxas jumps in. “How was your mission? Did you find anything?”

Xion shakes her head. “Just the usual. We found some Heartless and a few vague leads, but that’s it. We reported our findings to Master Eraqus yesterday, but I doubt any of it was helpful.”

“Same here except we found some Nobodies too,” Axel says, scratching his fiery head.

“So you are sure Vanitas didn’t do anything? You were with him for days. He had to have done _something_! I mean it’s Vanitas! I don’t know how you could stand it.”

“It wasn’t that bad. Really. Sure, he lost his temper a few times but nothing extreme or unbearable.”

“You’re cheating on Venny with Vanitas, aren’t ya?” Axel sneers.

Xion blanches. “What? No! Why would you even say that?!”

“Relax, Xion. I was only joking.”

“That’s not funny,” she says, her tone dead serious.

Axel shrinks a bit.

Xion sighs and pushes her tray away. She rises to her feet and throws her bag over her shoulder. “I have to go see Aqua. I’ll see you two later.”

“Xion… Don’t be like that,” Axel pouts.

“Bye, Roxas, Axel.”

“Bye, Xion,” Roxas says softly, clearly unhappy with the turn of events but too apprehensive to argue with her.

“Xion, don’t.” Axel shifts in his seat and she can tell that he is about to try to stop her and reel her back to the table, but she really can’t handle this. It is just making everything churning around inside of her that much worse.

“I’ll see you later,” she repeats, adamant and avoiding eye contact like plague.

Xion holds her head down as she tries to subtly blaze out of the cafeteria. She lets her hair fall in her face and she slouches a bit while maneuvering her way through the crowd.

She manages to take a few steps outside of the cafeteria before crashing into the last person she wants to see.

There is a grunt and a signature groan of irritation.

The being she crashed into is firm and warm, and she recognizes the sensation of _him_ easily. He has an aura about him and she can even smell him faintly. She recognizes the smell as well. It is very familiar and smells even better without the scent of rain sullying it. He smells like vetiver, smoky and earthy but with spicy undertones.  

Eventually, Xion regains her balance but her bag wasn’t as fortunate. Its contents are everywhere and on the floor all around them.

“I’m so sorry,” she finally says as she backs away from him as if he were foaming at the mouth.

Nervously, she puts her hair behind her ear and kneels down to starts picking up her books, manuals, and pencils.

Xion hears Vanitas sigh at her patheticness before kneeling down and helping her.

“Where’s the fire?” he asks as he shoves her books into her satchel.

“Nowhere I was just on my way to see Aqua,” she replies rapidly as she gets back to her feet and puts her bag back over her shoulder. “Sorry, I’m just kind of in a hurry. Thanks for the help!”

Xion offers him a quick glance and mentally begs her cheeks not to burn.

Unfortunately, the quick glance is long enough for her to take a mental picture of him. Apparently, she has gained a photographic memory at some point…

His dark brow is raised, his red tie is loose, and his white, short sleeve button up isn’t buttoned all the way nor is it tucked. One hand is in his pocket and the other hangs loosely at his side.

Vanitas looks confused yet unfazed and impassive. He also looks handsome even though his hair is a bit messy. She thought by avoiding looking at him for too long, she could deny the attraction. She can’t. It is still there (stronger than ever thanks to their mission together) and her cheeks are hot as she runs past him, almost tackling Sora in the process.

“Hi, Xion!” he calls cheerfully, his hand rising to wave at her.

“Hi, Sora! Bye, Sora!” she replies as she dodges his form with amazing agility.

Sora waves although she doesn’t see it. His smile falls, as does his hand before he glances back at his older brother.

“What’s with her?” Sora asks.

Vanitas shrugs and walks off.

* * *

Xion is starting to think she will never get to Aqua’s office. It is taking forever and a day to get there, and she really wants to reach that sanctuary before Roxas, Axel, or Ven have the chance to find her. She really doesn’t want to play twenty questions with Roxas and Axel nor does she want to stumble upon Ventus.

Confronting Ven after her mission with Vanitas has been...challenging. She feels guilty and awkward and honestly, doesn’t know what to do, so she has been trying her best to avoid him and Vanitas all together, but that was proving to be more challenging than she anticipated. However, she is quite sure she can find some solace with Aqua. She won’t bludgeon her with questions nor will she watch her with curious eyes. Aqua is neutral, a safe haven. She can escape all this confusion with her-- at least for a little while.

Straightening her uniform, Xion knocks on Aqua’s door.

_“Come in,”_ calls a masculine voice.

Xion hesitates, but eventually, does as the voice dictates.

Inside, Terra is waist deep in paper work. He is on his feet behind Aqua’s desk fumbling through files and papers. His hair is messy; his uniform is disheveled and very lax, especially for Terra. It is barely buttoned, the white sleeves are rolled to his elbows, his jacket is gone, and his blue tie hangs loosely around his thick neck.

Terra is stressed. That much is evident but there is no Aqua.

“Hi, Xion,” Terra greets as he clumsily types something into Aqua’s computer. “What can I do for you?”

“Oh, nothing. I was just looking for Aqua. I thought we could have lunch together.”

Terra sighs and runs a hand down his face. “Aqua isn’t here. She is still in Radiant Garden.”

“What? Why? I thought everyone who went to Radiant Garden reported back days ago?”

“Everyone except Aqua,” Terra says tersely and Xion can tell by his tone that he isn’t too thrilled about his girlfriend staying behind. “She insisted she had some private matters to attend to, but she wouldn’t tell me what.”

Xion’s heart sinks a little at that. Terra clearly feel distrusted and it is no secret that Terra and Aqua have had their differences. They are too very different individuals who meld together very well but they still struggle to connect on certain levels. It is also no secret that Terra had unknowingly helped Xehanort for a while after Xehanort’s disappearance. Terra had stayed in contact with the old Keyblade Master and had apparently gotten into some trouble, trouble Aqua had to get him out of. Xion isn’t even sure if Aqua has ever truly forgiven him.

If Xion had to guess, she would wager that Aqua is looking for clues regarding Xehanort and all that he implies. That would explain why she has kept the information away from Terra and why she had insisted to deal with it alone. Aqua doesn’t trust Terra when it comes to Xehanort…

“Do you know when she’ll be back?” Xion inquires gently, suddenly feeling very intrusive.

Terra shook his head, his mouth tight with poorly restrained frustration. “She didn’t say. She’ll come back when she _wants_ to come back. You know how she is, she does as she pleases.”

* * *

Radiant Garden’s Academy of Mastery is in very poor condition. Aqua can remember a time when it thrived, when it was the best academy there was, when vibrant flowers filled the Town Square, and when sparkling fountains spewed into the lavender heavens, but now it is nothing but heaps of rubble and rusty piping. The once beautiful city is now a vast wasteland of scrap metal, crumbling rock walls, and sterile earth.

They have done what they can to help the cursed ruins but even the restoration sites look more like battlegrounds, and even the nicest homes and cottages have patchwork rooftops. Radiant Garden just isn’t something that is pleasing to the eye anymore. It is riddled with Heartless even though cheap chocobo wire has been erected along with the walls to keep them out.

Mentally, Aqua notes to inform Master Eraqus that more munny and aid needs to go to Radiant Garden and its reconstruction.

“Xehanort took most of the reports when he disappeared, but I managed to salvage some of them,” DiZ explains as she follows him through the dark, empty corridors lined with vein-like orange pipes.

Aqua’s brow furrows. “Why did he only take some of them…?”

DiZ shrugs. “I always assumed it was because he was more interested in the results, the process, the evidence of what he did or what he was trying to do.”

“I’m sure I can makes some use of the documentation you have.”

“It’s just through here. Make yourself at home and read through anything you think could be useful.” DiZ opens the large, dual doors of the library and her perspective is filled with massive, orange bookshelves, golden stained glass, and books of every shade imaginable. The gold of the windows projects onto the surroundings, giving the whole room an unnatural golden glow, which contrasts strangely with the glaring, green flooring and dark blue ceiling.

“What you are interested in will be upstairs. They should be located on the shelves by the desk,” he continues.

Aqua nods and strolls to the curved stairwell in the far corner of the library, but before her foot can connect with the first step, DiZ snatches her arm and reels her back.

"I’ll warn you now. What you’ll read in those reports is not for the faint of heart or the squeamish."

"I appreciate your concern, but I’m aware of the situation,” Aqua replies coolly.

“Very well, Master Aqua. Please don’t hesitate to ask if you need anything. I will be back in my office.”

“Of course. Thank you so much for your help.”

DiZ nods and releases her arm, allowing her to journey up the steps.

Just as the former administrator said, there is a desk amidst the maze of bookshelves. It is covered in papers and a small lamp but it will do.

Sighing, Aqua begins looking at the spines of the books held captive upon the bookshelves.

As expected, most of the reports she is interested in are gone. She manages to find Volumes 3, 5, 7, 10, 12, 15, 19, and 20 of the reports but nothing else.

“Crusty, old scumbag,” Aqua hisses as she carries the reports back to the desk. “I know you took the others just to spite me…”

The blue-haired girl takes a seat, turns on the lamp, and puts the reports in order and prepares to delve into them…

**Report #3:**

_Ventus is so well behaved, almost too well behaved and it is hard for me to comprehend that he is related to that beast - the creature Xehanort insists is human - is his brother._

_Perhaps Vanitas was human at one point. I vaguely remember. Xehanort has kept him so close and concealed over the years that I cannot say that I knew him all that well before the experiments began a little over a year ago. However, it doesn’t matter now. Whatever that boy was originally is gone now._

_I am ashamed to say I’ve wished for Vanitas death, for all of our sakes. I wished him dead to end his suffering and to save those he will undoubtedly harm. I agreed to support Xehanort. It is my job to trust his judgment but now that I see what he is creating, I am unsure if I have made the right choice by looking the other way and assuming that he knows what he is doing, that he has good intentions._

**Report #5:**

_Vanitas is undoubtedly more beast than man, filled to the brim with darkness and Xehanort isn’t even finished with him yet. However, I feel sorry for the boy as difficult as he is sometimes. I see his pain. I see how he suffers sometimes and how he is afraid. His rage, his anger, it stems from his fear and pain._

_When I first met Vanitas, his eyes were blue. The same exact color blue as Ventus’s eyes. However, today, I made a horrible discovery. I approached what used to be a boy… Vanitas. He was crouched down in one of the many halls here at the academy, having some kind of episode. He was twitchy and distant and to my horror, when his eyes rose to meet mine, they were gold. Vanitas’s eyes were_ **gold** _! What is Xehanort doing to that boy?_

**Report #7:**

_Every month or so Even and Vexen work on the boys. Even takes Ventus and Vexen takes Vanitas but they collaborate together. They have a common goal, Xehanort’s goal, whatever that may be._

_I have learned that they are extracting Ventus’s darkness and injecting it into Vanitas, and taking Vanitas’s light and injecting it into Vanitas. Xehanort wants two entities, one of pure darkness and one of pure light. Again, I am not sure of what kind of result Xehanort is hoping for or what he would want with such entities, but I doubt he realizes the trouble we could get in if we are caught doing these kinds of dubious procedures. We could get shut down, sued, or even time in prison, but I hold my tongue._

_But I wonder… Xehanort is not a fool...far from it. He is highly intelligent, which leads me to think that he is likely aware of the consequences but simply doesn’t feel the need to heed them. Perhaps Xehanort thinks that the pros easily outweigh the cons...but what are the pros and who is the beneficiary of them?_

**Report #10:**

_Vanitas has gained the ability to summon creatures, like some kind of unholy Summoner. Summoners are not uncommon. There are several within these very walls but they summon simple creatures and monsters that can be found in the wild. What Vanitas summons is something entirely different. They are creatures that I wasn’t even aware existed. There is no record of them. It is almost like they are a part of him. It is like watching his emotions take on physical form._

_He stares at them like he hates them, like he resents them as he does everything else. He once told me that they are a sign of his weakness. I told him I didn’t understand and he scoffed at me before killing the creature with his bare hands._

**Report #12:**

_Ventus is in the infirmary. There was an accident with Vanitas.  Apparently, it happened after hours while the boys were training together. Why Xehanort allowed Ventus to spar with the older “boy” is beyond me. He is hurt, not badly but hurt nonetheless. I hope Vanitas would never truly wish harm on his brother. I also hope he does not grow powerful enough to destroy him._

**Report #15:**

_There was another incident today at the institution today. I am trying to forget it, but I can’t. Ventus and Vanitas began fighting. I don’t know why and knowing Vanitas, there probably wasn’t a real reason why._

_Vanitas warned Xehanort. He said if they kept allowing Ventus to be around him, he couldn’t guarantee his safety, but Xehanort felt like tempting fate, to see if Vanitas spoke the truth, to see how deep his savagery truly ran._

_Vanitas spoke the truth. Today, Vanitas attacked Ventus like a wild animal. When I came to break up the fight, Vanitas was biting through Ventus’s wrist to the point that he was drawing blood. Poor Ventus had fallen to his backside and was trying his best to fend Vanitas off but Vanitas is bigger, stronger, and much more savage than him._

_I yanked Vanitas off Ventus, accidentally taking a chunk of Ventus’s wrist with me. I call for healers and sedatives before managing to throw Vanitas to the other side of the room, away from Ventus. When my eyes meet his, he sneers at me, his brother’s blood all over his mouth. When he smiles at me, I see the blood staining his sharp, flawless teeth. He is proud of what he has done and I will never forget the sight of him with Ventus’s pure blood all over his mouth…_

**Report #19:**

_Ventus is in a coma, courtesy of Xehanort’s madness and Vexen and Evan’s medicine. He will not wake. Vanitas went under the knife today as well but he is acting no differently than normal._

_The roles have reversed…_

_When the procedures first began, when Ventus was only 11 and Vanitas 12, Vanitas was the one who struggled. Vanitas would get sick or succumb to paroxysm. His vision and senses were heightened to the point that it drove him mad. The darkness injected into him gave him power but the abundance of it devoured his soul, his humanity. That much darkness couldn’t dwell within him without eating away at his humanity, that or it was extracted out of him and injected into Ventus. Sometimes, I believe the latter._

_Ven’s sense of right and wrong is irreproachable where Vanitas now struggles to grasp even the simplest of tender sentiments. I’ve watched it melt away. I’ve watched him lose touch with everything kind and good. I’ve watched him become something empty, but as they continued to pump Ven’s darkness into him, and once he became more darkness than light, he began to improve. He grew strong and gained control of the powers living inside of him. The darkness gave him inhuman power and abilities. He understands destruction and carnage in a way that makes my blood run cold. But Ventus seemed to deteriorate as he became more light than darkness. Every month that Even injected him with Vanitas’s extracted light, he seemed to grow weaker. He thrived off it at first but eventually, the imbalance became too much and when they tried to inject the last of Vanitas’s light into him this morning, he went into a coma._

_These events have led me to believe that there can be beings of pure darkness but not of pure light. It is easier to create a being completely devoid of all that’s light than it is to completely purify one._

**Report #20:**

_Xehanort is not happy. He says that Ventus is a failure and that his end of the project is no longer salvageable. Xehanort raves of a replacement, one who is equally as strong as Vanitas._

_I, however, am concerned for Ventus’s wellbeing. I asked if there is anything we can do to wake him and Xehanort informs me that Ventus has a twin brother, a boy by the name of Roxas. According to Xehanort, we will need Roxas to revive Ventus. He asked me to locate the boy. I am reluctant. I don’t want to rope more children into this, but I cannot let Ventus die in this coma either. My hands are tied._

Unable to read anymore, Aqua shoves the last report away and rubs her eyes.

She remembers most of this. She remembers Eraqus explaining to her what was wrong with them when they arrived but it isn’t the same as reading it from the perspective of someone who was there, who watched it happen, who watched them change. There are details in these pages, details she had no knowledge of, details she could probably live without.

She has read to the point of neuralgia but just as she feared, the reports don’t contain the information she seeks. Xehanort stripped away the documentation of the mechanics behind the procedures themselves and the information regarding the end result, the purpose, the intention behind all of it, the proof, and left her with DiZ’s thoughts and hypothesis.

There is nothing in these reports that can help her save Ventus and Vanitas from Xehanort, nothing that can help her save them from themselves, nothing that gives her any indication of where Xehanort might be or what he is up to now that Ventus and Vanitas are both ripe for the taking.

With a heavy sigh, Aqua rises to her feet and prepares to dig through even more blasphemous reports.

* * *

Haphazardly slinging her bookbag to the floor, Xion enters her dorm room. Naminé is already back from class and is sitting on her pearly white bed on the right side of the room. She has her knees raised and a book of some kind is sitting neatly across her lap.

Xion walks to her side of the room and collapses face first onto her purple and black bed, which rests almost directly beside Naminé’s.   

“Rough day?” Naminé inquires gently, her blue eyes not leaving her book.

“Mm,” Xion mumbles into her pillow.

“Ven came by earlier.”

Xion groans.

Yes, she needs to confront Ven. Yes, she needs to just suck it up, but how can she when she still feels so guilty?

She can’t avoid him forever. She knows that, but that isn’t stopping her from trying to do just that.

“I told him you weren’t here but that I’d tell you that he was looking for you once you got back. Are you two having a fight or something?”

Xion sighs and sits upright on her bed. “No. It isn’t anything like that… I’m just a bit...confused.”

“Oh,” the blonde girl responds softly, meekly. “Well, Ven also told me to tell you that Master Eraqus wants to see you.”

Xion resists the urge to curse. “Great. I bet I have another mission. Probably because Aqua is still gone.” 

“Did she tell you why she is staying in Radiant Garden?” Naminé puts her book down and looks at Xion expectantly.

“Not a word. I didn’t even know she was still gone until today when I went to her office to see her but found Terra instead. She didn’t even tell him why. All she said was that she had some things to deal with, but Terra thinks it is Xehanort related.”

Naminé nods. ”Makes sense.”

Xion sighs. “I really wanted a nap.”

The White Mage pulls her book back into her lap and turns one of its pages. “Duty calls.”

“Don’t get too comfy. With Aqua gone, you are probably going to be pulling double shifts soon too!” Xion says as she gets back to her feet and makes her way to the door.

Before she shuts the door, she hears Naminé giggle.

Groggily (and a bit reluctantly) Xion walks to the fancy lobby outside the Headmaster’s office and walks to the chestnut-haired receptionist who sits behind a very neat, glossy desk.

“I’m here to see Master Eraqus,” Xion says impassively as she puts some of her loose hair behind her ear.

“Name?”

“Xion.”

“Classification?”

“Black Mage.”

“Just take a seat outside and I’ll inform him that you are here.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Xion turns to take a seat in one of the many leather seats in the lobby and is met by a set of golden eyes.

“Vanitas?”

“Has Eraqus asked for you too?” he asks, his brow furrowed with contemplation.

Xion nods.

Vanitas scoffs. “Looks like we are going to be spending more time together.”

Xion chuckles nervously before wandering around him and taking a seat on the brown, leather couch against the creamy walling of the lobby.

“Name?” the receptionist inquires, her steely eyes not leaving her paperwork.

“Turd Ferguson.”

The young woman sighs and glares at him but Xion thinks she should just surrender and write his name down. Surely, she knows his name by now. He comes here often. Technically, the formality isn’t necessary and Vanitas knows it, which is why he is giving her a hard time.

_Oh, no… I’m starting to understand him…_ Xion grimaces.

“Name?” she tries again.

“Stanley M. Shitface.”

The receptionist scribbles for a moment and Xion briefly wonders which name she writes down. If Xion were in her position, she probably would have gone with Turd Ferguson for laughs.

“Classification?”

“Bastard.”

The receptionist sighs and points to the seats next to Xion. “Just take a seat, Vanitas.”

Vanitas smirks, looking smug and very pleased with himself.

Xion is convinced that he enjoys torturing/irking people more than anyone. It is one of the few things she’s seen that actually brings a smile (or smirk) to his face.

“Was that necessary?” Xion whispers once he lays across the maroon couch adjacent to her.  

Vanitas puts his arms behind his head and grins at her. “No, but it was fun.”

Without thinking, Xion smiles back at him. She should probably scold him or tell him that his behavior isn’t very nice or even appropriate, but she just can’t bring herself to this time. After all, it _was_ pretty funny…

Xion hides her titters behind her hand and Vanitas’s grin contorts into a half smile. She notes that he has a nice smile when it isn’t drenched in maliciousness. It is easy to forget that though given he almost never allows a smile to taint his features.

Vanitas looks relatively calm as he lies on the couch across the way from her, a hint of a smile still clinging to his lips. He seems relaxed, almost content, which is very unlike him. Why would he be so calm? He hates being called to Eraqus’s office. He probably hates going on missions in general.

The thought of missions makes her face go red because missions remind her of her most recent mission and her most recent mission involved close proximity with the most hated creature at the Academy. However, Vanitas _has_ made this whole situation a lot easier. He has acted no differently. Well, he has been a bit nicer to her but he hasn’t mentioned it once and for that, she is very grateful. That will make putting the ordeal behind them easier. It will make forgetting it easier, but as she contemplates this, she briefly wonders if she _wants_ to forget. Would she take it back if she could? She is guilty but is she regretful? If she isn’t, that exhumes a whole new set of problems and questions, _dangerous_ questions.

Xion finds herself watching him as all of those thoughts swarms around in her head. She stares at his slowly rising chest and remembers vividly how it felt to lay on it, how his breathing felt against her, how his powerful heartbeat sounded in her ear. She also finds herself thinking of laying on him again and mentally slaps herself across the face for it.

_No. You aren’t going to do this. You aren’t going to let what happened on the islands change things. Don’t make a mess. You are so close to making a mess…_

“Master Eraqus will see both of you now,” the receptionist calls.

Despite the fact that he was lying down, Vanitas manages to get up before Xion. He bolts to the door, all but yanks it off the hinges, and proceeds to hold it open for her.

Xion blinks at this and gapes when she realizes she isn’t hallucinating.

“Ladies first,” he declares with faux kindness, but Xion accepts the gesture regardless since he is actually holding the door open for her despite his sarcasm and scorn.

Xion wanders through the large space full of many other rooms and offices and journeys up the stairs to the Headmaster’s room.

Again, Vanitas holds the door open for her and she enters, blushing a bit.

Upon entering, she sees Ventus sitting in one of the three chairs in front of Master Eraqus’s large desk.

She panics. Vanitas is right behind her, a bit too close, and all she can think is…

_This looks bad. This looks very bad. He is way too close to me… It looks like we are_ **together** _. This is bad. This is bad._

Xion goes even redder and stumbles over herself for a few moments. She seriously contemplates turning on her heel and running out before she is seen but before she can do so, Vanitas gets frustrated and shoves her inside and into the center chair.

The Black Mage grunts as she is forced into the chair against her will and gives Vanitas a quick glare that he either ignores or doesn’t notice at all.

“Xion, Vanitas,” Master Eraqus smiles. “Thank you so much for coming.”

Ventus is smiling at her too, looking overjoyed to see her. His big, blue eyes are bright and his smile is warm.

It makes her go pale with shame and guilt eats away at her insides.

Xion smiles back but cannot find the ability to speak as Vanitas takes the empty seat on the other side of her, leaving her _literally_ between him and Ventus.

The Black Mage thinks she might vomit.

No, Xion didn’t technically _do_ anything. No, she and Ven are not _technically_ together but she _did_ practically cuddle with his brother less than 48 hours ago, his brother who happens to be sitting to her left.

Nervous habits die-hard and Xion starts fidgeting with her hands in her blackened lap. She tugs at the skirt of her small, black dress and the cuffs of her white blouse. She does everything humanly possible to avoid eye contact.

She can feel Vanitas looking at her cynically, his arms folded over his chest, his brow quirked in befuddlement while Ven and Eraqus merely watch with concern.

Once he grows tired of watching her twitching (something he likely finds annoying as hell), Vanitas reclines in his seat and hauls his feet onto Master Eraqus’s desk, causing the Headmaster to sigh and attempt (in vain) to push his feet away with his pen.

“So why am I here?” Vanitas asks, stubbornly keeping his feet on Eraqus’s desk out of spite. “Wasn’t I just here? You’re treading on thin ice, Eraqus. If you think I am doing anything else for you after I--”

“Xemnas has been seen in Twilight Town. I am sending you three to investigate. If you find anything concrete, you are to report back here and await further instruction. If you are unable to locate or apprehend him, don’t leave until you get some information of his whereabouts. I need him apprehended alive and brought back here to face the council before he can do any serious damage,” Eraqus demands, acting as if he didn’t just interrupt Vanitas’s rant.

This can’t possibly get any worse. Not only is she being sent on a mission with her _‘boyfriends’_ , she is on a mission with her ‘ _boyfriends’_ to apprehend her former master.

“Xion, since this mission involves Xemnas, your participation is vital. As one of his former students--”

Xion holds her head down.

“Oh, no, Xion. I didn’t mean that in a bad way. I am not holding you accountable for what Xemnas commanded you to do before you transferred here. You only did what you were trained to do, follow orders. I only meant that you know his patterns, his stalking grounds. You are very familiar with Twilight Town and you know Xemnas.”

“I’ll do my best…”

“Vanitas, you will act as our Warrior.”

Vanitas groans at the command and slouches further into his seat in blatant irritation.

“Xion, of course, will be our Black Mage, and Ventus, you will be a Paladin to provide the party with some white magic,” Eraqus continues. “Be sure to equip yourselves with the proper gear and items as well.”

“Yes, Master. When do we leave?” Ventus asks politely.

“First thing in the morning.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Another** mission. Eraqus is out of his damn mind if he thinks he can squeeze yet  _another_ one out of him after this. Vanitas plans on raising all kinds of hell once he gets back. And no, he isn't raising hell just for the sake of raising hell. No, it's to prove a point. He isn't going to let Eraqus run all over him. He won't roll over for him. He isn't about to become a lapdog, over his dead body. He isn't about to become like Aqua. No way in hell.

Vanitas should have raised hell when Eraqus asked him to go on  _this_ mission, and he would have if Xion hadn't been present. He would've been much more adamant. He would've become so difficult that Eraqus would've grow tired of his antics and would have no choice but to back down (as he always does) and send someone else. However, Vanitas couldn't bring himself to be that much of a bastard, not in front of Xion. He didn't want her to see that side of him. Yes, she has seen it before but that doesn't mean he wants her to see it again. It is nothing if not unsavory and he doesn't want her to see it. He can at least  _pretend_ he is halfway decent if she doesn't. He can pretend he has some shot in hell with her. Plus, the fact that she had been visibly upset at the time also dulled his edge. He didn't want to upset her anymore. She doesn't deserve that nor does he wish it on her. He can stand everyone's misery but hers.

The trip to Twilight Town is unpleasant, very unlike the last trip he and Xion made to Twilight Town. Vanitas isn't biting down smiles this time. He has a cemented frown that is not at risk of going  _anywhere._

As expected, he is the third wheel. During the train ride into Twilight Town, Ventus sits next to Xion and Vanitas sits across the way, alone and jealous,  _very_ jealous.

He should have sat in the other railcar…

Vanitas just knows his eyes have turned green as he watches Ventus' arm go over the back of Xion's seat, as he points to specific scenery and tells her stories that accompany each location. She laughs and listens intently, looking absorbed and genuinely interested, and Vanitas dies a little inside.

He can't tell her stories like that. Sure, he could tell her stories but they would probably keep her up at night. He lacks Ventus' charm, that warm, tingly charm, that kind of infectious personality that people can't help but fall in love with…

Occasionally, Xion casts him a glance and when she manages to catch his gaze, she smiles at him and his mood instantly lightens a bit. He doesn't smile back but he acknowledges hers, which – in his world – is equal to reciprocation.

He wants her beside _him_. He wants it to be his arm that is draped over her dainty shoulders. He wants her close enough that he can smell the field of daisies on her…

As Ventus continues to prattle on and on about nothing, Vanitas closes his eyes and distracts himself with the thought of daisies to keep the savage, destructive jealousy away, to keep the darkness down, to keep it from bubbling up in his throat like bile…

_Sweet, delicate daisies. Soft. Tender. Simple. Their petals like angel wings, tinted orange by a muddled sunset. A daisy field, wide, open, inviting. Blankets upon blankets of white, sullied only by dainty dots of yellow and a few splotches of green peaking out from beneath the overcast of ivory, the sky a vast expanse of blue-gray, and the sun setting. Yes, the sun would be setting. Not too bright, just bright enough. Dull. A few dark clouds outlined with glaring orange rims to hide the overwhelming light of the sun but allowing just enough to peak around the edges of the fluffy billows… Daisies. Fresh. Green. Like linen… A gentle fragrance that still somehow carries… Daisies. Lots of them…_

His scowl vanishes at the thought until Ventus' voice breaks through again, hauling him back into the stifling swell of negativity.

His moderate mood is no longer salvageable. Down the tubes it goes, never to return. Vanitas sees it off. He waves and muses,  _'Bu-Bye,'_  as it spirals down and is gobbled up by the deep, bulging darkness like so many other good things.

As a result, when they get off the train and enter Twilight Town itself, he is flat-out rotten. However, since they are out of the tiny train car, he has more opportunities to distract himself. He isn't stuck staring at them, listening to them talk and giggle…

Oddly enough, as they begin searching the area, he finds amusement through watching Xion and Ventus interact in this new setting.

Sure, it makes him sick to see the way Ventus follows her around like a puppy. It's nauseating to see him all overprotective of her but it's still amusing to watch how Xion responds to him now, how she sometimes forces smiles when he says things she doesn't find amusing, how she subtly stiffens when he invades her personal space or when she thinks he might touch her in an intimate way...

_Interesting._

Xion is kind. No matter what anyone does, she will not do anything to intentionally hurt anyone's feelings. He supposes that probably comes from her emotional frailness. She has recovered over the years but the shadows of neglect and abandonment are never too far behind her. Vanitas can see them. He isn't sure how because she puts up a very good front nowadays. She has healed thanks to the Academy and her friends but it's still there. She is no longer broken but she has been clumsily melded back together. However, he can still see that she has been broken at some point. He can see the cracks, the scars. She can't hide it from him. It's subtle in the way she holds her head down, the way she takes responsibility for things that aren't her fault, and the way she constantly apologizes, and the way she refuses to make anyone else feel unwanted or hurt because she has had been very intimate with both of those things.

Vanitas doesn't know much about her past but he has heard things and if her past was bright and shiny, she wouldn't be here now. Yes. He is certain that she has been broken. He knows broken, not personally though. He has never  _been_ broken. He has been something that is arguably worse but damaging all the same. No, he knows broken because he has seen Ventus broken. He watched his brother break. He watched him become too broken to fight back.

The thought sours inside of him. Ventus knows broken just as Xion does. It is something they have in common. Perhaps they have more in common than he ever anticipated. Perhaps their relationship isn't as baseless as he thought.

The thought _infuriates_  him.

As they continue to make their way through the town, Ventus isn't necessarily _trying_  to participate in public displays of affection but he does hover over Xion to the point that she can't do her job. He all but makes conjuring impossible. He is all over the place and she can't focus between him protecting her and trying to do all the work for her.

Vanitas is fine with that. It makes his job easy. Technically, as a Warrior, he is supposed to be the muscle in this particular scenario. He is supposed to pave the way but if Ventus wants to do his job for him, he isn't about to stop him.

Vanitas eyes Xion and can see that she is mildly irritated. He sees it in her posture but she won't show that to anyone and Ventus is too oblivious to see it.

If Vanitas were a good brother, he would give Ventus advice. He would tell him that he is neglecting Xion in a very crucial way. He is failing to see her emotions, her insides. Ventus is failing to understand her. He  _doesn't_ understand her. He only tries to make her happy but he doesn't know  _what_ makes her happy so it is all in vain.

Yes, Vanitas could be a good brother. He could tell his brother this. He could but he won't. He doubts telling him would even make a difference. He doubts that Ventus would ever be able to grasp her the way that he should to be a good match for her.

They continue to search the town for clues and ask citizens questions about Xemnas, and Vanitas forgot just how much working with Ventus makes him ill. They aren't a team. Eraqus should know that. He should know that better than anyone but here they are!

However, being with Ventus  _is_  bearable (barely). Vanitas can remember a time when it wasn't. He can remember being back at Radiant Garden's Academy and demanding they be separated because he legitimately thought he would kill him if given the chance. They didn't listen and now Ventus has the prettiest little scar on his left wrist, one he now covers with a black and white checkered wristband. If he were to remove it, they would see the massive bite mark on his joint.

He'd just snapped one day. The sight of him literally drove him mad and he'd tackled him to the ground and started biting at him like a wild animal. Ventus had tried to ward him off with his arm and got bitten as a result.

Vanitas cringes at the memory. He can still almost taste the coppery yet sweet flavor of his brother's blood on the back of his tongue. That was a very dark time for him. They call him a monster now but that was when he was truly a monster. That was when there was nothing in him except anger, hatred, pain, and bile. All of it is still there bubbling under the surface but he has control of it now. He has his wits. He has his senses. The negative feelings he has for his brother have been dulled but the jealousy, that is  _definitely_  still there.

Ventus has always gotten the better deal.  _Always._  And now, he has Xion.

When Ventus attacks yet another Heartless for Xion, Vanitas can take no more.

"Will you stop killing everything before she has the chance to cast?" he growls.

Ventus looks surprised by the sudden outburst. "I'm just trying to be nice."

"Yeah and it's obnoxious. Cut it out, and let her do her job."

"It's not a big deal. Really," Xion interjects halfheartedly.

Vanitas sighs and barrels his way through them. "Whatever. Let him walk all over you, but I'm not gonna watch it."

Ventus sighs and looks back at Xion. "Is he right? Am I doing too much?"

"Well," Xion looks down and kicks a nearby rock. "You are interrupting a bit but it's fine. I can save my energy in case we really need it."

"Gee." Ven scratches the back of his neck. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to get in the way. I was just trying to be helpful."

Xion places a hand on his cheek. "And I appreciate it but it isn't really necessary."

Vanitas rolls his eyes and resists the urge to dry heave. "If you two are done making out back there, I would really like to get done with this mission sometime this year."

Xion blushes and rips her hand away from his brother's face. "Sorry…"

Ventus giggles a bit before running ahead and attempting to catch up with his older brother.

* * *

Xion has decided that going on missions with Vanitas alone is a lot more fun than going on missions with Vanitas and other individuals, especially Ventus.

Vanitas is exceptionally cranky, and he and Ven butt heads constantly over things that she thinks have little to no relevance, leaving her to play peacekeeper. She gets between them often. If she isn't neutralizing Vanitas' temper, she is distracting Ven. It is exhausting and she hasn't even lifted her Keyblade or conjured magic. All of her battles have been with the boys.

To make matters worse, Xion will admit her heart isn't in this mission. She doesn't  _want_  to find Xemnas. She wants him apprehended but she doesn't want to see him. She doesn't want to confront him or be the one who has to fight him although she knows that Eraqus assigned her to this mission strictly because of her knowledge of Xemnas and Twilight Town.

She misses Roxas and Axel. Being here reminds her of the old days and she wishes they'd been sent on this mission with her. They would understand her confliction. They would understand why she doesn't want to fight this man who also happens to be the man who drug her out of an orphanage and given her the first real home she'd ever known. After being flung from orphanage to orphanage and from foster home to foster home, Xion thought she'd never have any form of stability until Xemnas showed up one day and offered her more than she ever thought possible for a pitiful, emotionally damaged child like herself.

The snapping of fingers brings her out of her musings.

Looking up, she sees Vanitas snapping his fingers at her.

"Hey. You in there?" he asks tersely.

Xion nods.

"You come here often. Is there any area we haven't checked yet?"

The Black Mage shifts from foot to foot as she mulls it over. They'd been almost everywhere. They checked the Sandlot, the Back Alley, Market Street, the Station Plaza, Sunset Terrace, Sunset Station, Central Station, and even Sunset Hill. The only place left was…

"Um, there is an old mansion beyond the woods on the outskirts of town. It's abandoned but it would make a pretty good hiding place for a fugitive," she finally replies.

"You think Xemnas would go there?" Ven inquires.

"I think he would hide there, yes."

"Then let's go check it out," the blonde young man adds.

"Lead the way," Vanitas says, his tone cross as he performs a mock gentleman's bow.

Xion does as instructed but at a slow, delayed pace.

"You okay?" Ven asks from his place beside her as they make their way into the woods.

Xion simply nods.

"I know this probably isn't easy for you. Are you sure you're holding up okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." She smiles but she doubts it is very reassuring.

Eventually, they reach the mansion. It is tall, angular, a fortress of bronze and gold surrounded by caramel walls dusted with lush green foliage and vines.

Vanitas marches up to the black gate that separates them from the mansion's courtyard. He grabs the bars of the gate and shakes them violently but entrance doesn't budge.

"Locked," he states before taking a few steps back and summoning his Keyblade with one hand. He points his weapon's apex at the sizable lock and the tip begins to glow. It isn't long before a sleek beam shoots from the Keyblade and into the heart of the lock. The lock protests for a moment before finally surrendering and unlatching with a thick  _CLICK._

"You two go check the mansion. I'm going to check the woods and courtyard a bit longer," Vanitas instructs as he dismisses his Keyblade and shoves the gate open.

Ven nods before he and Xion make their way past Vanitas and into the mansion.

"You check upstairs and I'll check downstairs. Whistle or something if you find anything," she says as they enter the foyer.

"Right." Ventus gives a nod before bolting up one of the dual stairwells that perfectly mirror one another in design.

This place is a lot darker and more run down than Xion remembers. Debris covers the tan floor. A lot of the strange statues are now broken and some of the doors are now barricaded by fallen paintings and empty suits of armor.

_I guess I can assume he isn't in there…_

Sighing, Xion wanders into the dining room. It's filled with two empty armchairs on each side of a now shattered table. Apparently, the lavish chandelier overhead fell on it, effectively busting it to smithereens. Cobwebs are in every nook and cranny, but thanks to the three, golden stained glass windows the room isn't that dark. The warm, tawny glow spilling in through the windows almost makes the room cozy. If she lit the large candleholders in the corners, it would really be welcoming in an eerie, gothic kind of way. Feeling unmotivated and a bit somber, Xion takes a seat in one of the armchairs and stares at the suit of rusted armor standing across the way from her in the adjacent corner.

" _You hiding in here?_ "

Xion jumps and looks up to see Vanitas leaning in the doorway.

Oh, how she wishes Eraqus had not assigned Vanitas to be a Warrior for this mission. His Warrior uniform was arguably her favorite. It was nothing but a long-sleeved jumpsuit of black leather and belts but damn, did he wear it well. The thick collar was high on his neck, grazing the short, black hair on the back of his neck and the zipper on the upper portion of the suit was not zipped all the way, displaying the perfect amount of flesh, just a flash of his toned chest, a flicker of the bulging muscles and veins in his pale neck… Of all the uniforms he had to wear today, it had to be that one. It had been so long since she'd seen him in it (sense majority of the time he was a Dark Knight) that she forgot how good he looked in it…

"N-No," she squeaks.

"You're a bad liar."

"Maybe…" She sits back down and laces her fingers in her lap.

"I understand. I don't really want to find Xemnas either."

Xion perks at that. She can't help but notice that while Ven only noticed that she was uneasy, Vanitas has noticed that she is uneasy  _and_  he knows why… Vanitas understands her and that is a frightening concept. She isn't sure what that says about her.

"You knew Xemnas?" she asks.

"Yeah. Xehanort asked him to help me out with some... _training issues_  I had."

"Oh."

Silence, fills the room, causing her to shift uncomfortably in her seat and hide behind the rim of her witch hat.

"So are you and Venny a thing or what?"

Xion blanches. "...Or what…"

Vanitas finally leaves the doorway and takes a seat in the armchair across from her. "I know he likes you, so I can only assume the fault is on his end."

"Ven is wonderful. Really. I adore him but…"

"But?"

"It's complicated."

"Enlighten me."

_Geez, he is pushy today…_

"I don't know how to enlighten myself. There isn't anything  _wrong_  with him it's just…" Xion chuckles in disbelief and hides her rosy face in her hands. "I can't believe I'm talking about this…"

"There's nothing wrong with it. I'm great at relationship advice." His chest puffs with counterfeit arrogance.

"Relationship advice? You?" Xion tries not to scoff.

Vanitas smirks. "Fine. You win. I'm not the best at relationship advice but I can tell that something is…off."

Xion twiddles her fingers and looks away.

"Or am I wrong?" he probes.

"Not entirely," she replies honestly.

This is a game. He is toying with her and she knows it but she can't stop it. She is playing with fire talking to him like this. Something in his eyes is predatory.

"I don't think he understands you," he says, his tone surprisingly serious and genuine.

"Ven is good for me… He is sweet, funny, and smart…"

A wolfish grin spreads across his face. "You aren't attracted to him."

Xion's face goes red and her eyes go wide. Her shock and silence speaks volumes. Her physical reaction betrays her.

Somehow, that lascivious grin on his face manages to grow.

"N-No. That is not-"

"Don't lie to me, Xion." The grin fades but there is still something salacious in his expression, his tone. He is almost stern but his rich, golden eyes twinkle with wicked mirth. Something about it causes her to surrender an involuntary shiver.

The Black Mage swallows hard. "I don't think… I don't know…"

"I think you do."

Vanitas watches her intently and she feels naked, vulnerable, exposed. How can he read her like this? How has he managed to pinpoint this before she ever really considered it? She will admit that she isn't the most experienced when it comes to men and things like attraction but she likes to think she knows a _little_  about it… She knows enough to know that the only person she has had any kind of chemistry with is Vanitas, and she hasn't even _kissed_  him but merely touching him, it is like stroking an open wire…

"I may not have that much of an attraction towards Ven but there is also a thing as too much chemistry," she argues, feigning certainty.

"True but if you don't have enough, what's the point? Isn't that what friends are for?"

Xion rises to her feet, suddenly feeling offended. "Maybe we just haven't had the chance to have real chemistry yet."

Vanitas reclines the chair, smirking and looking amused. "Chemistry isn't learned. It either is or isn't. You can't  _learn_  to be attracted to someone. You either want someone or you don't. If you are having second thoughts—"

"Who said I was having second thoughts?" Xion places her hands on her hips.

"You did." He rises to his feet and takes a step towards her.

Uncomfortable, Xion swallows hard again.

"We should… We should go help Ven search the rest of the mansion," she says as she tries to walk past him but he stops her, blocking her path with his body. Suddenly, his hands are on her arms, the leather of his black gloves pawing her exposed skin. She is on fire. Her eyes go to the floor to keep from looking at him lest her body betray her… For some reason, she is afraid of what might happen if she meets his gaze.

"I've seen you freeze up around Venny. You look downright uncomfortable with him when he just tries to put an arm around you," he states matter-of-factly, his voice low.

"I'm uncomfortable  _now_ ," she argues but he doesn't let her go.

"It isn't the same and you know it. You feel it." He brings her closer, leaning down towards her and her breathing stops.

Xion pushes at him gently but doesn't make any real effort so he doesn't budge. She doubts he even felt it.

"You need someone who can make you feel the way you felt in the shack back on the islands," he whispers in her ear, his breath slithering down her neck.

She shivers and her eyes close.

Xion tries to lean away so he isn't so close to her neck. "And who can do that? You?"

He pulls back and smirks down at her. "Maybe. If you let me."

"How would you-" Xion freezes when she realizes what she is about to foolishly ask and her expression goes stern. "You shouldn't say such things."

Vanitas laughs deep in his throat. "You don't mind me saying things like that to you, you just don't want to anyone to _hear_  me saying those kinds of things to you."

Xion glares at him and he begins laughing again.

She blazes past him and goes back into the foyer frazzled and flushed.

"Now, Xion, don't be sore," he calls after her.

"I'm glad you find me so amusing," she huffs.

He crosses his arms. "You should feel flattered. Not many people amuse me and even fewer are able to do so while not writhing in pain."

"Is the misery of others really so entertaining?" Her frustration fades instantly and is replaced by intrigue and concern.

Vanitas is momentarily disarmed but recovers quickly. "Yes."

Xion approaches him fearlessly, her eyes mating with his. "I don't believe you," she whispers with a small smile.

For a moment, he almost backs away from her but remembers himself and decides to meet her challenge. Instead of backing away, he closes the gap between them.

"Then you must not know me very well," he breathes, craning his neck and getting even closer to her.

Feeling uncharacteristically cocky, she holds her head back and meets his intense gaze. "I know you well enough to know that it isn't as enjoyable as you claim. I'm not denying that you don't enjoy it but I don't think that it _always_  amuses you. Otherwise, you wouldn't find something as simple as flirting with me so entertaining."

He looks like he might laugh again but ultimately, rolls his eyes instead. "If you say so."

Before she can say anything else, he is walking towards the leftmost stairwell.

"You take the east wing, I'll take the west," he calls as he trudges up the stairs, and just like that, whatever the _hell_  that was is over.

Xion gapes at him. He has to be the strangest man alive. One moment he is blatantly flirting with her and the next, he is blowing her off and barking orders at her.

Deciding that trying to figure him out is futile, she does as he instructed and makes her way across the foyer.

Rounding the corner and preparing to journey up the opposite stairwell, she sees a figure clad in a black cloak, a very familiar cloak. It is heading up the rightmost stairwell.

Her instincts and training take over, her body responding before her brain can truly register what's going on, she runs after the figure. As she gets closer, the more familiar this broad frame becomes. She chases the cloak up the stairs and freezes when she sees a sliver of its face.

"Xemnas?" she calls without thinking.

The figure freezes halfway up the stairs, its head tilting ever so slightly in her direction, revealing a shred of long, silver hair.

"Hello, Xion."

For a long time, Xion can only stare at his broad back and his tense shoulders. His voice is deep, just as she remembered it and it's vibrations shake down through her spine.

"How could you?" is all she can muster, her emotions suddenly ribboning out of her, triggered by the familiar timbre of his voice.

"How could I?" he counters, his body turning towards her a bit more but still refusing to completely face her.

"How could you do this to us? We trusted you…  _I_ trusted you. I helped you…" Xion places her hands over her heart to emphasize her point.

"And you have my thanks."

"Why?" she whispers and she is unable to hide the pain in her tone. "Why did you do it?"

"I wouldn't suspect inferior individuals to understand." He sounds bored, his tone emotionless.

"You used me! You used all of us! You owe me an explanation!" Her temper flares.

"I did what I had to do, Xion. Again, I wouldn't expect someone inferior like yourself to understand."

Enraged, Xion draws her Keyblade and holds it to the crook of his neck. "It ends here, Xemnas. I won't let you use or hurt anyone else. I don't know what you are up to but I'm going to stop you."

Xemnas looks like he might laugh at her bold claim. "Were you ordered to stop me or do you seek redemption for what  _you_  did?"

"I didn't  _do_  anything!"

"But you did. We both know you did. All of my students did. You each had your part to play, especially you and Roxas."

"Shut up!" Her hand tightens around her Keyblade's hilt but she can't keep the weapon from shaking.

"You are a miraculous mage, Xion. We couldn't have gotten this far if it weren't for you and your Keyblade. I am truly grateful to you. But unfortunately, your usefulness… _ends here_!"

Before she can react, one of his Ethereal Blades is drawn and he is spinning around so fast her vision blurs. There is a flash of blazing, neon orange and then the blade crashes into her side. Her body locks up, the energy within the attack coursing through her as if she were a lightning rod. The blade itself slices right through her side and the intense force of the blow sends her flying down the stairs. She rolls and tumbles down the hard wooden steps for what seems like forever before she feels herself being caught. Arms protectively wrap around her as she fiercely collides into whoever caught her, the overwhelming impact taking whatever or whoever she's hit down the stairwell with her.

There is a huge crash and she can feel bits of wood splintering everywhere. She can't keep herself from wincing and making a cocoon out of whoever has her, and to her surprise, they oblige. The human cocoon around her tightens, bringing her closer, shielding her form further from the explosion of splinters.

For a long time, they are weightless, she and whoever is holding her. They barrel through what she assumes is the stairwell railing, hit the tall statue of a flying horse waiting beneath the banister, and crash onto the floor, but the individual beneath her takes the blunt of the entire fall. It maneuvered in a way that kept her from going through the railing, from shattering the statue, and from being the individual who made ruthless contact with the ground. It kept her safe…

The chaos comes to a screeching halt. Her human cocoon holds fast for a few more moments though, ensuring that the assault is indeed over. The arms stay around her a moment longer, one wrapped tightly around her waist and the other holding her firmly in place by the back of her neck. The strange embrace lasts for a few more seconds before crumbling away.

Coughing, Xion desperately tries to get breath to go back into her lungs. She blinks the haze and the blinding stars away and sees banister bits, shards of pale marble, and splinters of wood everywhere. She then looks back towards the stairwell for Xemnas but he nowhere to be seen, which isn't saying much since her vision is still pretty muddled…

She wants to scream. She wants to run after him. She can't let him get away. She  _can't._ Her mind is all over the place and demanding so many different things of her body but she can do none of them thanks to the powerful current in Xemnas' weapon still shooting through her.

Shifting around more and trying to will her body back into motion, she realizes something warm and firm is still underneath her.

Pulling away, she expects her savior to be Ven but instead she finds Vanitas under her, covered in marble dust, splintered wood, and cuts. At first, she thinks his wounds are trivial until she sees a piece of the banister protruding out of his chest. He looks like a staked vampire…

"Healer," he grunts, his face in a tight grimace. "Get a healer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!
> 
> Woo! We are reaching a turning point, people! Things are about to change!
> 
> Next time, we will learn Vanitas' fate, and Xion will have some things to think about regarding her unexpected savior! Prepare for emerging feelings and exchanges in the infirmary!
> 
> Thanks again for reading and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains a little violence and some coarse language. Nothing major, but Vanitas is hurt and angry, so you do the math…

**"Ven!"**  Xion cries. She starts to panic. Her hands hover over Vanitas' impaled torso and scatter on his body, unsure of where to touch him or what to do. Xion isn't a healer or a White Mage. She hasn't used white magic since she was in basic training, before she was classified as a Black Mage…but she doubts she would know what to do about the piece of wood shooting through him even if she were a White Mage.

"Ven! Hurry!" Her voice raises a few octaves.

Vanitas hasn't opened his eyes. He is just laying there, his expression hard and tight as he holds his grimace, trying to ignore the pain, trying to fight it.

The chest wound is obvious but who knows what else is wrong with him. That hadn't been a gentle fall. He probably broke a few things on the way down too…

"It's gonna be okay, Vanitas," she whispers, placing her trembling hand on his cheek. Her voice is shaky and far from convincing but she felt she needed to say  _something_ to him.

Pain. He is in a lot of pain, particularly in his chest. He hasn't looked but he is pretty sure he has been impaled by something. He can hear Xion screaming for Ventus so he knows it must be pretty bad. She sounds scared. He wants to assure her that it's okay but he can't do anything except feel pain.

"Vanitas? Hey. Talk to me." She pats his cheek to keep him conscious.

He takes in a deep, seething breath before barely opening his eyes.

She smiles warmly at him despite her distress. "Hey. Stay with me, okay? Don't close your eyes."

"Are…you okay?" he asks, his voice strained and laced thick with pain.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." There is something unspoken in her tone.

"Good. Because it would be a _real_  bitch if I did that for nothing…" His eyes close.

"No, Vanitas. Look at me." Xion grabs his face with both hands, brushing some of his hair back off his face as if the sensation will somehow keep him alert.

"What happened?" Ven asks as he bolts down the stairs and comes to a screeching halt next to them.

"I found Xemnas but he attacked me and knocked me down the stairs but Vanitas caught me and broke my fall before I got hurt…"

Ven looks genuinely shocked by her response but puts it away so he can inspect his brother. "We need to take it out."

"What? I thought you were supposed to leave it in to prevent bleeding and tissue damage?"

"Yeah but only if you're unable to heal it. I can't heal him with this giant splinter still inside him. I'd just heal the tissue around it and it would be stuck in him then it would definitely kill him. We need to take it out, heal him, then take him back to the Academy so someone more advanced can help him."

Xion nods and places her hand on Vanitas' cheek again. "Vanitas?"

His eyes shift to her but they look hazy and unfocused.

"We're going to have to take the wood out of your chest, okay?"

He looks at his torso and grimaces. "Shit…" Vanitas takes another deep breath. "Make it quick."

"Here, bite this." Ventus offers him a discarded banister piece and for once, Vanitas doesn't argue. He just takes it in his mouth. He is breathing hard and his hands are clawing the ground, searching for something intangible on the ground.

Xion sees his anxious hands and takes one of them in hers. Their hands merely mold together at first but then they shift and his fingers are suddenly laced tightly with hers.

Her eyes widen as they dance across his face, looking at his features as if she is seeing him for the very first time. Her chest swells with thick, foreign heat, but the sensation is brief, quickly blotted out by her worry and fear.

Vanitas looks back at her momentarily, his expression mirroring hers before he squeezes his eyes shut and braces himself for the inevitable pain.

Ventus reluctantly wraps both his hands around the saw-toothed splinter that is shooting up out of Vanitas' chest. "Ready?"

Vanitas gives a quick, curt nod.

Ventus' grip tightens and he yanks the giant splinter out of his chest.

Vanitas roars in pain and his back arches up from the force. Blood splatters the trio and begins bubbling up out of the gaping wound instantly. He squeezes Xion's hand so tightly that she thinks he might break some of the bones in her hand but she doesn't let go. She holds fast. If he needs her, she doesn't care if it breaks her hand. Broken bones suddenly seem trivial.

Instantly, Ventus' hands latch onto the deep, ghastly wound and he begins casting Curaga onto it.

Vanitas is panting and squirming but he is a surprisingly good patient. That's how Xion knows this is serious. Vanitas would normally bitch and throw a fit but even he seems to know this is for his own good.

Xion wishes she could take the pain away. It is causing _her_  physical pain to see Vanitas like this. To make matters worse, it's her fault this happened to him in the first place. She feels horrible… He is in agony and it's all her fault…

His hand shakes against hers and they couldn't hold onto each other any harder if they tried but Xion finds herself wanting to get even closer to him. She wants to offer even more comfort even though she doesn't know who needs it more: him or her. All she knows is that she is assaulted by the overwhelming urge to hold him and never let go…

His pain is her downfall. Wanting to take the pain he hides so well away from him is what got her into this mess with him and Ven… It's her weakness and each time she sees it burning dully behind his unique eyes, she starts doing things she thinks might make that pain a little less dense and now is no different… She realizes she can't help herself when it comes to him and that is a problem, one she can't think about now. She simply tucks it away so it can haunt her later.

Gradually, the violent thrashing stops and his breathing becomes more even. The death grip he has on her hand slackens and the tension starts leaving his body.

Ventus pumps everything he can into him, doing everything he can and when he can cast no more, he finally pulls his bloody hands away.

The hole is now only a jagged, red scrape and the bleeding has stopped for the most part but there is still blood  _everywhere_ …

"Okay," Ven says breathlessly. "I think he's out of immediate danger but he may still have some internal bleeding that my magic can't reach. Not to mention, I can't do anything about all the blood he has already lost. He's going to be sore and weak and knowing him, probably irritable but we need to move him and get him back to either Naminé or Aqua. Xemnas will have to wait. I'm sure he's long gone by now anyway."

"Right." Xion nods.

Turning her attention back to Vanitas, she gives his hand a small, tender squeeze. "Vanitas? We need to—"

"I heard him," he grouses and Xion has never been so happy to hear that irritated tone in her life. Overcome by a flood of emotions, she almost bends down to embrace him but she remembers Ventus saying that he will be sore so she refrains.

"Can you sit up?" Ven asks.

"Just give me a fucking minute…" He lets go of Xion's hand and hauls his arm over his eyes as he takes long, even breaths.

Xion tries to ignore and repress the disappointment and shattering emptiness that consumes her when their fingers unlace, when his hand leaves hers…

Eventually, Vanitas sits upright and Ventus and Xion move to assist him.

"Don't touch me," he hisses, swatting their hands away. "I can do it myself. I just…need a minute."

He looks a bit drunk and unbalanced but they allow him to try. For a long time, he shifts around and eventually, manages to get on all fours before holding his head down in defeat. "I… Fuck... I don't think..."

Understanding his unspoken plea, Xion and Ventus each take one of his arms and help him to his feet. Xion wraps his arm around her shoulder and takes hold of his torso, turning herself into a human crutch.

"I've got him, Ven. You just guard the way and keep the Heartless and Nobodies off us."

"Right." With that Ven blazes ahead to clear a path.

Xion takes a moment to nestle into Vanitas' side and be grateful that he is still there and that the broken banister didn't go through his heart. If it had been a few inches to the right…

No. She can't think about that. Vanitas is still here. He is okay. He is warm and she can feel his breathing, his heavy heartbeat. She can smell his smoky, spicy scent and his muscles tensing as he moves.

Absentmindedly, she closes her eyes for a moment and simply enjoys the sensation of  _him._

"Are we gonna make a habit of this?" he asks and she peers up at him curiously.

"Of what?" she asks innocently as he looks down and pins her with his distant gaze.

"Of you helping me walk around? This is the second time you've been my human crutch…" Vanitas hates feeling weak. It is arguably his least favorite sensation and this is the second time that he's been weak and vulnerable around her. What is stranger still is that he is surprisingly okay with it as long as it's her. That could just be the shock talking though.

"Well, stop incapacitating yourself and I won't have to."

He scoffs and for a moment, it feels like she is hugging him. Her face is practically buried in his chest and the hand that isn't secured around his wrist is clinging to his shirt.

It's just his imagination, right? It's the blood loss and the tingle of Ventus' magic running through his sinew making him think that Xion is showing him affection, that she is overjoyed that he isn't dead…yet.

Vanitas wants to say something cheeky or smart but his brain is failing him and the world is fading in and out…

Xion guides him back through Twilight Town and when the world fades back in again, they are at Sunset Station. His vision is kinda blurry but he is pretty sure Ven is buying them tickets back to the Land of Departure.

Vanitas has been propped up against a nearby wall. Xion is still supporting his weight though, making sure he doesn't fall over. She might be talking to him. He isn't entirely sure.

He closes his eyes again and when he opens them, they are on the train. The interior is purple and the seats are orange-ish...

Xion and Ventus help ease him down into a seat and by this point, he is practically as limp as a rag doll.

"Xemnas?" he manages to slur when he suddenly remembers why he came here in the first place.

"He'll have to wait. Your well-being comes first," Ventus replies.

Vanitas frowns. "I'm fine. I just need to rest for a minute."

That's the last thing he says before his eyelids slam shut and his head lobs back.

* * *

After Vanitas passed out on the train, Xion and Ventus managed to get him back to the Academy and into the infirmary even though they couldn't get him to regain consciousness. In all honestly, his unconsciousness was probably a blessing in disguise. Vanitas  _hates_  infirmaries. He hates IV's, needles, White Mages, and the whole healing process so it's probably for the best that he'd been unconscious as he was poked, prodded, and examined. However, once they were finished with him, Xion wanted him to wake up. The longer he was unconscious the more she worried. Yes, Aqua had said he was out of the woods but she wouldn't feel better until those molten eyes opened again.

Xion hasn't left his side since she and Ventus brought him in. Ven left a while back to speak with Master Eraqus and deal with the mission reports but she vowed to be there when Vanitas woke again. She owed him that much. It's her fault this happened to him. She wanted to thank him and for some unknown reason, she just wanted to be there. She couldn't in all good conscious leave him. She found she just didn't  _want_  to leave him.

Aqua reenters the infirmary with another IV bag full of hydromorphone and various Curaga compounds as well as several bottles of Potions, Elixirs, and the like.

"Has he come to yet?" she asks as she places the bottles on a nearby wheeled tray.

"Not yet." Xion yawns.

Words couldn't describe how overjoyed Xion had been to see that Aqua was back from Radiant Garden when they returned to the Academy with the bloodied Vanitas. She hadn't been back long and Xion doubts she'd appreciated them throwing an injured Vanitas at her upon her return but it couldn't be helped.

"Good. I can keep working on him without him barking at me," she muses and begins checking his IV. "Hey, Xion? You want to help me out and redress his wounds while I fix his IV."

"Sure." Xion rises to her feet, grabs a Hi-Potion and some fresh bandages, and approaches the bed.

She takes a seat on the bed by Vanitas and gingerly removes his bandages so she can examine his chest. Once the old, bloodstained bandages are gone, she sees that the wound has faded further since they arrived. Not to mention the other superficial wounds scattered along his body are practically gone.

"Oh my gosh…" Xion can't keep herself from gawking at him. White magics advance the healing process substantially but this was ridiculous even by their inhuman standards.

Aqua glances over her shoulder to make sure nothing is wrong and realizes what has taken Xion off guard.

"Oh, yeah. I probably should have mentioned that. He heals really fast," Aqua says. "Everything about Vanitas is…enhanced. You aren't imagining it."

"How…?" Xion's eyes are wide as her fingers tentatively trace the swollen mark on his chest.

"I suppose he could thank Xehanort for it. Ven too."

"Ven is like this?" Xion gapes. "I've never noticed…"

"Well, not exactly. Ven heals fast too but his vitals aren't unnatural like Vanitas'. Ventus is advanced too but he only got more subtle things like enhanced speed, immune system, vision, hearing, endurance; things like that. Ven's enhanced features are more…natural. They didn't manifest in the exact same way even though he and Vanitas are basically two sides of the same coin."

"I'm confused but I'll take your word for it."

Aqua sighs. "I'm sorry, Xion. I don't mean to exclude you. It's just a delicate situation…and the Master has asked me not to divulge more than I have to. I have to protect them both."

"I understand…" Xion shifts uncomfortably before proceeding to redress Vanitas' wound and exit wound, the latter requiring her to shift him around to his side and she can't keep from feeling like she's taunting a sleeping panther. "So when will he wake up? He has been out for a while."

"Half of it may be the hydromorphone I've hooked him up to but blood loss can knock out anyone for a while too even after a transfusion. Regardless, I say he should wake up any time to torment us all for violating him while he slept." Aqua smiles a bit and Xion can tell she genuinely cares about him despite their obvious differences. "You should try to get some rest and a change of clothes. You are still covered in his blood."

"I don't want to leave until he wakes up. It's my fault this happened to him…" Xion replies and she puts the bandages away along with the now half empty Hi-Potion bottle on the nearby tray then tries rubbing the dried blood Aqua pointed out off her hands.

"At least let me treat your wounds? I know you haven't been treated since you got back and I also know you fell down the stairs with him after taking a blow from Xemnas, so don't even think about telling me that you're fine." Aqua points a knowing, reprimanding, yet somehow playful finger at her.

Sighing, Xion complies and walks across the infirmary to the black, padded examining table.

The Black Mage takes a seat and soon, Aqua is eyeing her and finding her minor injuries without Xion giving her any indication of where they are.

The blue girl prods at Xion's left side, causing her to whimper and jerk away.

Aqua frowns and reaches for her again. "You should probably let me get a better look at that."

Xion's eyes dart across the room to make sure Vanitas is still asleep before unzipping her dress and letting it pool around her hips so Aqua can inspect her side.

Aqua starts her ministrations again and Xion winces. It's worse than she thought it was. Sure, she knew she was sore but Xemnas really showed her no mercy… She is suffering from some nasty electrical burns that spray out like spider webs across her torso from Xemans' energy. Her entire side is sore as well as her upper hip and that isn't counting the soreness from the fall.

"…Do you want to talk about it?" the older girl asks, running her hands over the burns on her side created from Xemnas' Ethereal Blades.

The pain in Aqua's voice is evident. She clearly doesn't understand how a master could do something like this to their pupil. What Aqua doesn't know is that Xemnas – even on his best days – was never  _anything_  like Eraqus. Xion knows now that Xemnas only saw her (as well as the other students but especially her and Roxas) as a means to an end.

Xion grimaces at the pain that shoots through her nerve endings before Curaga can fully take root and numb the abundant torment. "Not really..."

Xion doesn't like talking about it. That hasn't changed since she transferred here. Her mutism is gone but she now she has selective mutism. She doesn't like to talk or even  _think_  of her role in Xemnas' and possibly even Xehanort's plans. Xion did things for Xemnas and foolishly, never questioned it. She had finally belonged somewhere and she would've done anything and everything to keep that stability Xemnas offered…

"You know, you shouldn't feel guilty. You've been pardoned and if the roles were reversed, none of us would have done differently. If Master Eraqus asked me to help him to do anything, I'd do it."

Xion shook her head. "Not if you thought it was wrong. You would hesitate if you thought it was dubious and I should've known. All the signs were there. After a while, I knew in my heart that what we were doing was wrong but I didn't want to admit it because I was finally happy. I finally belonged somewhere. I had Axel and Roxas… My existence meant something…"

"Still. It's not your fault." The instructor starts wrapping Potion soaked bandages around her middle.

Holding her arms up for Aqua, Xion goes mute. She doesn't want to talk about this anymore and she knows that it is her fault. In some minuscule way, it is her fault. Whatever Xemnas, Ansem, and Xehanort were doing, she'd helped them get one step closer to reaching their final goal.

"Are you hungry? Do you want me to bring you some more comfortable clothes? You know, clothes that aren't bloodstained?" Aqua asks as she finally pulls her hands away.

"No and no. I'm fine. It can wait. Thank you though." Xion begins pulling her dress back up her body and sliding her arms back through the straps.

Aqua nods and rises to her feet. She walks over to Vanitas and checks his vitals once more time before taking a few notes and tucking his file under her arm.

"Well, then, unless you need anything else, I'm going to document all this and try to get some sleep."

"Thanks for everything, Aqua."

Aqua smiles. "You're welcome, Xion."

The blue young woman makes her way towards the door. "I'll send Kairi to check on him in a few hours and make sure everything is still looking okay. I need to rest and she needs the practice if she is ever going to attempt to fill my shoes one day."

"Hey, Aqua?"

She stops and glances over her shoulder. "Hmm?"

"Did you find anything in Radiant Garden…?"

Aqua sighs. "Terra told you about that, huh? Well, yes and no."

"Can I ask what you were looking for?" Xion asks apprehensively as she takes a seat in a chair next to Vanitas' bed.

"Anything on Xehanort and his plans. Anything that can help us stop him from getting his way." Aqua's eyes cut to Vanitas. "Anything that can help us keep him from using Vanitas and Ven."

"What does he want with them?" Xion's eyes lock on Vanitas too.

"We think he wants to use them to obtain some kind of apocalypse or maybe another Keyblade War… He has always had this sick notion of recreating the world…." Aqua shakes her head. "We aren't entirely sure but knowing him, he probably has several backup plans."

"What's he like?" Xion asks without thinking. She'd always heard so much about Xehanort but never met him personally. However, she'd always been curious.

"Honestly, he has always left a bad taste in my mouth. Let's hope you never have the privilege of knowing just how pleasant his presence is." Aqua shakes her head as if it will dissolve the thought.

Xion has never seen Aqua portray such clean contempt for _anyone_. It's strange to see such negative emotions swarming around inside her. It's downright foreign. Xion is almost sorry she even brought him up…

"But don't worry about that now." Aqua smiles and just like that, the contempt is gone and her warm radiance is back. "Try to get some rest, okay?"

Xion returns the gesture. "Okay."

* * *

This is either the most outrageous hangover Vanitas has ever experienced or the dreams he'd been having about Xemnas, falling down stairs, and being impaled by a broken banister were real…

His eyes open and he isn't surprised to see himself in one of the beds within the infirmary, hooked up like a damn switchboard.

Yeah. It had been real. He'd seen Xemnas attack Xion and had blazed up the stairs, running to her rescue like some kind of hero. He isn't a hero so he has no idea what possessed him to do such a  _completely_ ridiculous (and very impulsive) thing.

_Dumbass._

He'd been too late to keep Xemnas from hurting her, but he did manage to catch her and break her fall with his body, keeping her from falling through the railing. He, however,  _did_  go through the railing before falling a good story and a half, which would explain the tension in his ankle, the discomfort in his back, and the dull ache throughout his chest.

Vanitas can smell lavender and he can feel the familiar prickle of powerful healing magics in his muscles, ligaments, tendons, his bones; you name it. Aqua has been here. She has healed him. He recognizes her lingering impression instantly.

There's an IV in his arm and he is overcome by the urge to rip it out. No good has ever come from him being hooked up to an IV… He seriously considers ripping it out but ultimately chooses against it despite his reflex. Something pretty powerful is going into him and it's making him feel good and woozy. The sensation isn't unfamiliar and he knows that he has two choices: pain or wooziness. Since he is still in a decent amount of pain, he figures he doesn't want to know what he'd feel like without the IV. Plus, he isn't in the mood to argue with White Mages or Aqua about IV's. He doesn't have the strength or the will to do so. It would take a lot of effort, effort he doesn't have at the moment…

_Note to self: rip out IV and raise hell about being subject to treatments without verbal consent…_

Oh, how he loathes the sensation of white magic. His injuries must be pretty bad for them to have pumped him this full of—

Before that thought can go further, he is sick and he loses his stomach in the nearby bedpan, cursing Aqua, Ventus, and anyone and everyone who laid hands on him as he does so. They overdid it. He wouldn't be sick now if they hadn't done so much… He is tingly and…medicated. Not to mention he and white magics haven't gotten along since he was about twelve years old. The holy elements in white magic don't like how much darkness is inside him and tries to purify him and his body rejects that with a passion. His body is a war zone. The white magic and his abundant darkness are at war inside him and it makes him feel like hell for a few days. Sometimes he thinks he'd rather heal the old fashioned way. He heals at an unnatural rate anyway but he supposes that due to the severity of his injuries, it couldn't be avoided this time.

Once he is finished puking, he is exhausted and sinks back into his bed. It isn't until he stills that he senses someone else in the room with him.

Looking down to his right, he sees Xion. She is sitting in a chair, dainty arms tucked under her head, eyes closed, and her black head lying on the bedding. She's asleep. It isn't peaceful or deep but she is sleeping nonetheless.

She is still in her Black Mage garb minus her hat and bell sleeves. She is covered in a few minor scrapes that have already been treated. They are translucent and fading and will be invisible in a few hours. She also has what he assumes is his dried blood on her hands and smeared along her neck.

"Xion?" Vanitas grouses.

Xion's eyes open and focus on him then, her features light up. She leans toward his bedside. She almost takes his hand in hers but after a visible mental battle with herself, chooses against it.

"Hey." She smiles warmly, brightly, genuinely. " How are you feeling?"

Vanitas scoffs. "Like hell."

"Do I need to call for Aqua?"

"No! Fuck, no… I can already tell she's been pumping spells into me… No more… No… Just no…" His displeasure and weariness are evident and somehow sincere.

"Right… Sorry. I didn't think about that." Xion eyes fall shyly.

Vanitas reclines and watches her intently. It causes her to blush and fidget. It's cute.

She stares at his hand for a long time before snatching it off the bed and taking it in both of hers, one hand gripping his thumb and the other hooking into his remaining fingers.

His mind malfunctions and he responds. His fingers curl against hers in the most subtle of ways and his thumb twitches in her grip.

"Thank you," she says softly, her blue-violet eyes timidly leaving his hand and rising to meet his. "For protecting me."

It sounds lame and clichéd and she knows it. The whole time he's been unconscious she'd been thinking of clever ways to thank him but once he came to, all those plans fell apart. She forgot everything she thought she'd say to him when those eyes locked on her, when she felt the familiar callouses on his otherwise smooth hand. Something strange always shot through her whenever she touched him or when he touched her.

"Don't mention it. I love getting impaled." He shifts around, gauging how sore he is. It isn't too bad. Whatever Aqua has him hooked up to has him feeling pretty numb and the Cure spells have had enough time to take root.

"I mean it, Vanitas. Thank you." Her eyes connect with his again and he immediately feels a bit guilty about being a sarcastic asshole when she was being so sincere and open...and honest...

Vanitas sits upright and shifts towards her, his fingers tightening around hers. "…You're welcome…"

There is suddenly a moment of savage clarity as he looks into her eyes, as she continues to clasp his hand. All the color drains from his face as his actions sink in. He leapt after her in front of Xemnas, Xehanort's son.  _Xemnas_  saw him do something he would've never done a few years ago; selflessly risk his well-being for another's. He saw and he would tell Xehanort and if that happened, Xion could be in trouble…

"Vanitas? Are you okay? You're really pale." Xion gives his curled fingers and his captured thumb a squeeze and he remembers how he'd held her hand in the mansion as Ventus wretched the banister out of him, and judging by the slight rose on her cheeks, she remembers too.

"Xion…" he breathes.

Suddenly, the door to the infirmary opens and Xion yanks her hands away like a frightened animal.

Kairi walks into their section of the infirmary and senses she has just interrupted something intimate. Her eyes dart between Xion and Vanitas in the strangest way.

It is suddenly ten different kinds of awkward in this room…

Xion flushes and tries to back away from Vanitas as if it will make whatever Kairi is seeing or what she thinks she is seeing less incriminating.

"Hi, Kairi," the Black Mage greets, attempting to sound innocent and Vanitas supposes she is.

"Hello, Xion. Vanitas, I'm glad to see you're awake." Kairi beams and approaches his bed.

"Why is cherry pie here?" he grouses, looking at Xion and bluntly ignoring Kairi.

"Aqua wants her to use you for white magic practice," Xion explains politely while nervously putting some of her hair behind her ear.

He frowns. "No."

"No white magic. It's just a checkup. Humor her?" Xion implores.

Vanitas glares at Kairi who is clearly apprehensive of the situation. Vanitas has a reputation as being one of the worst if not  _the_ worst patient at the Academy and she has never treated him before.

"Humor me?" Xion tries again and to her (and Kairi's) shock, he relents.

Vanitas relinquishes an exasperated sigh. "Make it quick, Red."

Kairi gives Xion another one of those knowing looks and the Black Mage shrugs. Kairi's guess is as good as hers. She doesn't really know why she has this power over Vanitas, she just does.

As Kairi begins the examination process, Ventus peaks into the infirmary and gently knocks on the open door.

Xion catches his gaze from across the room and waves. "It's okay. He's awake. You can come in, Ven."

A bit apprehensively, Ventus enters the infirmary and smiles at his older brother. "Hi, Vanitas. How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good all things considered. I suppose I have you to thank for that."

"You don't have to thank me, Vanitas."

"Good because I didn't want to." Vanitas smirks.

Ven sighs and rolls his eyes. "You're welcome."

The blonde boy turns his attention back to Xion. "Hey, can I talk to you outside for a minute?"

"Sure." Xion rises to her feet but glares back at Vanitas before leaving. "Be nice," she heeds, pointing a condescending finger at him.

Vanitas glares at the offending appendage but appears to take her warning to heart and sits still for Kairi and her ministrations.

Xion then follows Ventus out into the hall and shuts the door behind them. "What's up?"

Ven paces around a bit. "I, uh, took the mission report to Eraqus. I took care of everything."

"Thank you. I guess I can chalk this one up as another failure for me." Xion crosses her arms and looks away. She has been on way too many failed missions lately. She's on the fast track to a demotion… At this rate, she'll never receive the Mark of Mastery.

"The Master didn't see it that way. He was just happy that we are okay, that we were able to find him and that we did get a lead on Xemnas' position. He's confident we'll catch up to him soon. He has already sent a squadron back to Twilight Town to investigate further and follow his trail."

Xion nods but she knows this is only a partial truth.

"How is he?" Ventus asks, looking through the small, rectangular window upon the infirmary door.

"Fine, I think. He just seems a bit out of it and a little sore. Aqua thinks he should be free to go tomorrow but he'll have to take it easy for a while."

Ven nods but his posture his tense and he is pacing again. He is also scratching the back of his neck and looking away awkwardly.

"What is it?" she asks, trying to pinpoint the source of his unease.

Ventus tentatively opens his mouth a few times before he finally managing to say: "Vanitas likes you."

"Vanitas doesn't like anyone." She chuckles.

"He likes you. A lot. He treats you differently. He just broke your fall with his body,  _willingly_. Vanitas doesn't do things like that for  _anyone."_

"Okay, even if he does like me, he's harmless." Xion shrugs it off, her tone dismissive.

Ventus laughs. "Vanitas is a lot of things but not one of them is harmless."

"Let me rephrase that. His  _feelings_ are harmless."

Ventus sighs, looking far from convinced. "If you say so…"


	10. Chapter 10

**Vanitas** has been in the infirmary way too much lately; first with the Mark of Mastery incident and now this. However, he is patching up nicely. He did not have to stay in the infirmary too long and the white magic is already making its way out of his system. It has done its job and he is _beyond_ ready for it to go.

Aqua has been merciful. She understands that he and white magic do not really get along and refrains from using anymore once she is sure he is all right.

He was released from the infirmary after a day or so but was given strict orders to take it easy and to get checkups at least once a day. He was taken off active duty and placed on the reserve roster. Vanitas had been thrilled with that decision even though Aqua had prescribed one Hi-Potion a day. It is not pleasant but Hi-Potions are better than any variation of Cure.

"You're going to have a scar and be sore for a while. Like with any human injury, you'll have to ease back into strenuous activity. You can still tear something. Your wounds are healing but they aren't sturdy. White Magic can only do so much. Remember, it isn't full proof," Aqua says as she eyes the scar in question.

Vanitas goes to the nearest mirror within the infirmary and inspects his new mark. It is a thick, pink sliver about three or four inches from his heart. Turning, he can see the exit wound on his back. It mirrors the one on his chest perfectly. It is a physical reminder of what compassion had gotten him but oddly enough, he does not regret it. If he had it to do all over again, he would do no differently. His actions were stupid but they were genuine.

"Hey… Aqua?"

"Hmm?" she inquires, her eyes not leaving the computer screen. She is updating his file electronically. They have to log every injury, every scar, every incident; every treatment has to be documented.

"Xemnas saw…" he says lowly.

Aqua stops and looks at him quizzically. "Saw what?"

"He saw me protect Xion."

She pauses again. This time she pulls away from the screen and straightens her poster. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that could be a problem if he tells Xehanort."

"I think you're overreacting." Her big, blue eyes go back to the monitor.

"No. Think about it, Aqua." Vanitas storms up to the desk. "Xemnas will know something's…wrong with me and he'll tell Xehanort."

"I'm sure Xehanort already knows you're no longer pure darkness. He knows you've been with us. He is smart and undoubtedly knows that we've been helping you. Thus, it shouldn't be surprising to see you act selflessly."

"Were you surprised to hear that I got hurt protecting Xion?" he counters.

"Not particularly but that's because I know you have a soft sport for her. Xehanort doesn't know you anymore, Vanitas. He doesn't know your heart. He doesn't know you like we do. He doesn't know what you are capable of or what you aren't capable of. Sure, most would find it shockingly out of character for you but Xehanort can only compare you to the Vanitas he knew years ago. For all he knows, we could have made you a model citizen by now." Aqua giggles. "We haven't but he doesn't know that. They couldn't possibly know that you were showing favoritism. It could just be your new demeanor. You could've done that for anyone."

"But I wouldn't. If it was anyone else, I would have let them fall and would have just let Ventus treat them afterwards." Vanitas starts pacing in front of the computer desk.

"But they don't know that," she reiterates.

"Xehanort would and if he thinks I…"

Aqua rises to her feet, strolls around the desk, and places a compassionate hand on his shoulder. "Vanitas…"

"He could use her to get to me. I don't want Xion in harms way because of my knee jerk reaction." Vanitas pulls away from her.

"I'll talk to Master Eraqus. Hopefully, we can stop Xehanort before he has the chance to do anything to you, Ven, or even Xion." Aqua slips back into her chair behind the desk. "Meanwhile, you need to get some rest."

"Does that mean I can skip your class tomorrow?" He smirks.

The young woman snorts playfully. "No."

* * *

Saying Vanitas took Aqua's suggestion to heart would be a major understatement. She told him to rest and rest he did. In fact, it was almost all he did. He eats, drinks, and sleeps and sometimes goes to class. To say he was milking his injury to the fullest would also be an understatement but he has no regrets. He has enjoyed this mini vacation of sorts and he had every intention of extending said vacation until someone had the nerve to come to his room and knock on his door.

It is gentle knocking and he chooses to ignore it. He is tired of all the attention he has been getting because of his injury and he was _just_ about to doze off. He is going to hide under the covers pretend he isn't here. They will go away eventually.

" _Vanitas? It's Xion. Can I come in?"_

The sound of her voice changes everything and he is soon stumbling out of bed and heading towards the door. When he opens it, he is greeted by a bright eyed, and bushy tailed Xion. Unlike the last time he saw her she is rested and clean. She is in a small, black halter that barely covers her belly button and modest jean shorts. She is smiling until her eyes wander over his bare chest. She sees his scar.

Vanitas crosses his arms and his shoulders tense. He will admit he is a bit uncomfortable. He does not know why.

"It's gonna scar, isn't it?" She reaches for him. Her hand levitates over his bare chest for a moment and extends a few timid times before her fingertips finally gain the courage to ghost along the tender mark.

Vanitas shrugs. "Probably."

"I'm sorry."

He snorts. "It's not a big deal. I've got others."

"Yeah but not this bad…and none of those were my fault. I'm really sorry… That was a fight I shouldn't have started…"

"It's fine, Xion. Really. I don't care. I don't regret what I did." His tone is almost kind and they both notice.

"Really?" She looks up at him with big, puppy dog eyes and inches closer to him.

"Really," he snaps.

Blushing a bit, Xion detaches her hand from his skin and looks down at her feet.

Vanitas smirks and leans in the doorway. "So to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Oh!" She recovers quickly and that radiance in her eyes is back. "I came to take you to spar."

Vanitas laughs at her boldness. "Like hell you are."

"It's been over a week. You need to practice. Aqua said so. You'll get stiff if you don't."

"I'll practice myself." His muscles tense with irritation.

"That isn't the same and you know it. And since you can't practice with your brothers, I'm here to help you recover."

" _No_ ," he whispers playfully.

"Okay then. I guess that leaves Axel, Terra, and Kairi. Everyone else is deployed."

Vanitas sighs and his arms fall to his sides.

"So who do you want? Axel? I don't think he's busy." Xion turns on her heel, preparing to bolt down the hallway. "I'll go get hi—"

Vanitas snatches her arm and hauls her back towards him. She crashes into his chest and looks up at him coyly, knowing she has already won this battle of wits.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. Hold up. Let's not do anything hasty," he says.

"Well?" she probes.

 _Well played, my dear,_ he muses.

He sighs. "You drive a hard bargain, sweetheart."

Xion grins. "Good. I'll see you on the summit in an hour."

Vanitas stands there in awe. That girl… That girl is going to be the death of him.

* * *

The summit is empty, filled with nothing but lush grass, a few stone benches, and some quirky golden lampposts. Short lavender walls and gigantic, moss-covered mountain ranges surround the area. It is pretty and peaceful and Vanitas finds himself once again relieved that the Land of Departure's Academy of Mastery was small enough that it didn't have a fancy training facility like Radiant Garden. Training centers would always leave a horrible taste in his mouth and trigger nasty memories. Training centers were where Xehanort would pit him and Ventus against each other or make them fight monsters until daybreak.

He sits on a nearby stone bench and waits for Xion to show. However, it is not long before he starts getting twitchy, anxious, and ready for action. He just is not designed for sitting down or enjoying scenery for long periods of time. He gazes out at the mountain ranges, the waterways that flow between them, and even at the glowing Academy that can be seen below for a moment but none of it can hold his attention for long, as breathtaking as it is.

Just when he thinks he cannot take anymore waiting, she arrives, dressed casually and ready to spar, but now that she is here, it hits him that he has no idea how this will go. He has never sparred or trained with Xion before.

"So how's this gonna work?" he asks as he approaches her, helping close the gap between them.

"What do you mean?" She giggles.

"Are we doing magic vs. Keyblade or what?"

Xion crosses her arms defensively. "I have a Keyblade."

He snorts. "I've seen you use it…like twice."

She goes from defensive to defeated in mere seconds. She shifts from one foot to another, choosing her next words carefully. "Well, I don't really like using it…"

"Why?" It comes out instantly and curtly.

"Because…I only have it because Xemnas wanted me to and he only wanted me to have it so he could manipulate its power for himself. It's been nothing but a burden and a reminder of how I helped Xemnas try to create his own Kingdom Hearts."

Vanitas twitches at that word. "Xemnas was obsessed with that too?"

Xion nods. "We never really knew why though but anyone that has ever wanted anything to do with Kingdom Hearts usually has their own strange motive for seeking it out, some world domination trip… You know, since it supposedly leads to unfathomable wisdom or power."

Vanitas looks away.

"Did… Did I say something wrong?" she asks softly, apprehensively.

He can only stare at the ground blankly as all of Xehanort's ravings swarm around in his head to the point that his vision almost blurs.

"Vanitas?" Xion touches his arm.

Eventually, he pushes the thoughts away with a shake of his head and looks down at her.

"I triggered something… I'm sorry. I didn't know that was one of your triggers," she whispers, her hand lingering on his arm.

"Let's just say that Xemnas and Master Xehanort have a lot in common." He shrugs off her touch and takes a few steps away from her.

"Well, it's pretty safe to assume that they've been working together for the same goal since the beginning."

"Yeah, Kingdom Hearts," he scoffs, the word hanging heavy on his tongue. He hates it. He hates everything about it. He wishes that this supposed heart of all things did not exist at all. It has done nothing but fuel man's madness. If it did not exist, Xehanort would not have wanted the χ-blade and if he had not wanted the χ-blade, he would not have done those experiments on him and Ventus to turn them into pure light and pure darkness…

"I didn't come here to rehash the past, especially since it hasn't been particularly kind to either of us but to answer your question, I don't like using my Keyblade because it's just a reminder of my mistakes and my foolishness. And since it isn't necessary for my classification as a Black Mage, I don't have to use it, so I don't." She shrugs. "But I'll use it today to help get you back into shape."

Vanitas frowns and rolls his eyes. "I'm not out of shape."

"I know you haven't been training like you should. You've been cooped up in your room, using your recovery as an excuse to be lazy."

If his jaw were capable of literally hitting the floor, it would have. How could she be so bold while still being so meek? She truly was a conundrum.

"I'll show you lazy," he growls lowly and summons his Keyblade.

Smiling, Xion does the same. Her Keyblade is a unique looking thing, all silver, black, and white. It is lightly curved with a notched blade (that was not unlike Riku's Keyblade) with noticeably sharp edges. Thorns made up the blades black and white teeth and the handle had a little checkerboard pattern going on.

"You know, this isn't really fair," he says smugly and begins circling her as if she is his prey.

"How is it not fair?" she reels, sounding slightly irked and offended.

"Because, you are no match for me physically."

Xion rolls her eyes. "Are you always this cocky?"

"Yes."

Xion lunges at him and he dodges effortlessly, causing her to stumble a bit. She staggers only for a moment before striking again only to have him dart out of the way once more.

"What are you doing?" she asks breathlessly.

"Evading."

"Why?" Xion challenges, looking a bit offended by his strategy.

He shrugs.

Xion is clearly confused but continues trying to land a few blows. However, this has just become a game and Vanitas continues to bob and weave through her attacks without so much as thinking of lifting his Keyblade.

"Stop it!" she howls, almost laughing but her frustration is still evident.

"Stop what?" Vanitas is grinning shamelessly now.

"This!" Xion stops her assault, straightens her posture, and points a condescending finger at him and his movements.

"I don't know what you're complaining about. Dodging is a very important battle technique."

"Yes, when it's necessary."

"You're attacking, so I deem the technique necessary."

Xion frowns briefly before smirking and just as he realizes he is in trouble, there is no time to react. She points her Keyblade at him and blasts him with Thunder. It does not hurt but she does nail him and it does sting a bit as it wriggles though him, using his bones as conductors. Normally, he would be furious at someone for shocking him but for some reason, he starts laughing. He is not snickering or faking it either. He is _genuinely_ laughing.

Vanitas holds his hands up in mock surrender. "Okay. Okay, you win! I won't dodge anymore."

The corners of Xion's mouth curve upward with triumph as she folds her arms, basking in her victory.

Her eyes meet his and she realizes he is smiling, fully, genuinely. It is a real smile, one that actually reaches his golden eyes and it is staggering. It is a lovely smile without the faintest touch of malevolence and it warms her to the core.

She realizes she is smiling wholeheartedly too and then she is hit by cold, hard realization. She knows this feeling, this warmth…this downright giddiness. Xion recognizes this sensation fluttering around in her sternum like an oversized butterfly and her smile falls as if someone has poured a bucket of ice water over her head.

It is not necessarily new. It is different but not completely new. She has liked boys before. She has had crushes before. She liked Roxas for a while before realizing she loved him as brother and she briefly had the hots for Riku shortly after transferring to the Land of Departure. Then, of course Ventus came into her life. She knows when she is on the verge of liking someone and she likes Vanitas. She _likes_ Vanitas and she has liked him for a while. She likes him more than she cares to admit and far more than is acceptable.

Suddenly, she feels disarmed and painfully uncomfortable. She has to diffuse this somehow. She likes Vanitas and she _cannot_ like Vanitas.

* * *

Life has a strange way of reverting back to normal after fluctuations of chaos and that is exactly what happened after Vanitas completely recovered. After their last sparing session, Xion went back to her friends. She went back to going on missions with her usual crew and spent all her free time with Roxas and Axel. The strange circumstances that had forced them together faded away and now they are back in their separate worlds.

Vanitas has come to the conclusion that he has been a fool these past few months. He thought she really and truly cared. He thought they had something that went beyond obligation. Obviously not. She ditched him as soon as she got the chance.

For some unknown reason, he feels rejected and Vanitas cannot handle rejection, probably because it never really happens to him. As a result, he is back to being a major pain in the ass. There really is something to that old saying. Misery really does love company and he is miserable because he misses Xion. Missing her had been an annoying, persistent surprise. To add insult to injury, he misses her a lot. The time apart has made him realize how much he does not like being without her, how he does not _want_ to be without her. He selfishly and guiltlessly wants her all to himself, but he cannot have her and that is infuriating.

It is not fair but when has life ever been fair to him? Never. He has been dealt one bad hand after another so why would something like this be any different? It would not be so he tries to steel himself and forget about the whole Xion fiasco. He tries to put his walls back up and go back to living on the outside, away from everyone else, back into the shadow where he belongs. He was a complete fool for leaving the shadows to search for something more in the first place.

As always, Aqua lecture is too long and super boring. He cannot get out fast enough even though he has no other plans for afterward other than to go back to his room and power nap. He is almost halfway to his room when he realizes he left his book in her classroom. Normally, he could give a shit but Aqua would know it is his and would bitch about him leaving it the next time he saw her and that is something he really wants to avoid.

Begrudgingly, he turns around and heads back to Aqua's classroom. He reaches the door and is about to bust back in when he hears Aqua's voice.

" _How is Xion? I haven't seen her around lately."_

Vanitas cannot keep his ears from perking. He just knew he was going to hear some bullshit about missions or training but this is much more interesting. It has potential so he backs away from the door, leans against the wall, and listens.

Ventus sighs. "Good, I guess but she is…distant. I've barely seen her since out last mission together and when I do see her, it's like she can't get away from me fast enough. I don't think she's happy with me. It's like, there is a wall there that I just can't get past."

"Xion has a complicated past. It's not surprising that she's a bit guarded. She probably just needs some time."

"I don't know. I used to think so too but the more time I spend with her, the more I think she'll never open up to me like that." Ventus pauses and he can hear his feet shuffling around. "She loves me…but she isn't in love with me."

"It's a little early to be talking about love, isn't it?" Terra's distinct voice reverberates off the walls.

"You know what I mean. You knew you had a shot with Aqua, right? You could tell she was emotionally invested and willing to give the relationship a genuine, wholehearted try. You knew it would happen eventually if things went well. With Xion it's like something is holding her back and it's just getting worse."

There is pain in his brother's voice, something Vanitas does not hear often. Ventus is usually nothing but a big bursting ball of joyful energy so he must really believe what he says and must really be hurt.

Vanitas is intrigued. For once, Ventus must not be as dense as he thought. Apparently, even he could catch onto something like this and if he could pick up on it, then it must be true.

"Still, you can't base it off us. We had a completely different situation," Aqua interjects politely, forever the optimist.

"Maybe…" Ventus replies lowly, sounding far from convinced.

The trio exchanges a few more words of encouragement and eventually, they disperse. Ventus leaves the room and enters the hallway first with Terra following closely behind. Upon seeing his brother, his blonde brow creases and his eyes narrow slightly.

"Vanitas?"

"I left my book. I came back to get it but I couldn't bring myself to break up your little…heart to heart." Vanitas smirks, knowing full well he is acting like a jackass.

"You were listening?" Ventus' face flushes.

Vanitas shrugs. "I only picked up bits and pieces."

Ventus stares at him for a long moment, clearly trying to decide if he is upset or not but eventually chooses indifference.

"Whatever you heard…would you mind keeping it to yourself?"

Vanitas pulls himself from the wall and feigns compassion. "Brother dear, who would I tell? You and I both know I don't have any friends. Isn't that right, Terra?"

Terra's dark blue eyes narrow and that dark look flashes across his face. Briefly Vanitas wonders if his precious Aqua knows just how deep Terra's darkness runs. Surely she senses it. Terra is no saint, a good man at heart but not a saint. Vanitas has seen that legendary temper of his several times and as he sees that dark look on his face now, finds himself wondering if he is about to see it again.

"That's right," Terra muses as he brushes past him and barrels down the hallway with Ventus hesitantly following on his heels.

Vanitas decides to imitate a gentleman and keep his word. He will not breathe a word of what he heard to anyone but that does not mean he cannot confront Xion about this little issue. He has to be sure. He has to do everything in his power so he cannot look back one day and wonder what if he had done things differently. He is not ready to go back to the shadows just yet, not when he has not done everything he could, not when there is some microscopic fragment of a chance left. He is not ready to let her go. He is not just going to let go of the first thing in years to give him some semblance of happiness. He is not giving this up without a fight and he might not even give it up then.

* * *

Xion has come to the conclusion that she is a coward. Since she realized she has been nursing some pretty powerful feelings for Vanitas, she has been hiding from him and Ventus. She sticks to her close circle of friends and does not venture outside of it. She has even been avoiding Aqua and Terra because they are just too close to Ven. It just is not safe and frankly, she does not trust herself or her feelings anymore. Not to mention she is ashamed of herself. In short, she is just a mess.

What she would give for a time machine so she could just go back and pinpoint where everything started spiraling out of control. She might even settle for a pause button so she could have a moment to think and come up with some ingenious solution to her mounting problems.

She is wearing her feelings. Everyone knows something is wrong with her but they don't really probe or push for answers and for that she is grateful.

Naminé walks quietly next to her as they make their way back to their room. After class, the blonde asks her typical routine of questions to make sure she is not mentally unhinged or in need of therapy but pushed no further. She then went on to tell her about Sora and Riku's latest antics.

Xion listens intently but adds very little to the conversation. They round a corner to the next hall and the instant they do, a shadow lunges from the wall towards them.

" _Hey."_

Xion jolts out of her skin, jumps back, and places a hand over her frantic heart as Naminé yelps and cowers behind her.

The shadow now had black hair and golden eyes. This shadow had apparently been waiting in this corridor for her.

"Don't do that!" Xion chides softly as she tries to recover from the scare. Poor Naminé is still clinging to her uniform.

Vanitas places his hands in his pockets and smirks but does not apologize. "You got a minute?"

Xion shifts uncomfortably and exchanges silent glances with Naminé. The blonde shakes her head, quietly insisting that it is a bad idea and Xion agrees. Alarms are ringing loudly inside her head but she cannot think up an excuse or a good lie. She has no reason to say no…

"Uh, sure." Xion replies and turns to Naminé and extends her books toward her. "Would you mind taking these to my desk? I'll be there in a minute"

Naminé hesitates and Xion can see her contemplating something but she never follows through with it. She merely gives them a cautionary look and nods, knowing Xion can handle herself.

"Alright," she says as she takes her books from her. "I'll see you later then. Bye, Vanitas."

He waves and the White Mage disappears into their room. Once she is safely inside, Xion folds her arms uncomfortably and squares up with Vanitas. To her surprise, he is actually in his uniform. Granted, his red button up is not buttoned all the way and his black tie is loose around his neck but the fact that he got into his uniform at all is impressive.

"What's going on?" she inquires, her mouth curving upward a bit. That damn oversized butterfly is back in her chest and she is coarsely reminded of why she has been avoiding him like plague.

"Can we talk somewhere"—he glances around the hallway—"more private?"

Xion's heart plummets and her skin blanches. "…I guess."

Taking her vague answer as consent, he snatches her by the curve of her elbow and almost literally drags her out of the Academy to the summit. It is after class hours so all the training that sometimes occurs here has ceased for the day, leaving them with the privacy Vanitas asked for.

Gently, Xion pulls her elbow from his grip and takes a few steps away from him, crossing her arms over her chest to ward off the late afternoon chill in the air. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"You, me, and Ventus."

Xion pales. "I really don't think that's…"

"Just…hear me out," he interrupts and takes a step towards her, which prompts her to take a step back and narrow her eyes suspiciously.

"I like you," he blurts out fearlessly, going right for the jugular.

Xion's eyes widen and she shakes her head. "Don't…"

"I do. I like you, a lot, as stupid and as impossible as that is. You look at me differently. You treat me like a person..." He trails off, suddenly very aware of how much he is saying and how much he sounds like a sap.

She stares at him for a long moment, her eyes full of emotions he cannot discern.

"And you like me too," he says matter-of-factly.

"I-I care about you, Vanitas…" she admits, her tone soft and sincere but timid.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant but I'm with Ven." She tries to walk away but he grabs her by her elbow again and pulls her back.

"You don't want him," He states. He does not ask. "Not really."

"Let me go, Vanitas," she says politely despite the uncomfortable grip he has her arm.

"You don't. That's why you come to me. You wouldn't look at me the way you do if you did. You wouldn't hesitate if you did. You just hold onto him because you know he is something you _should_ have. He makes sense but at the end of the day, you don't want him."

Xion looks away.

"You're hurting me," she whispers when the desperate grip he has on her arms tightens until it is painful.

"You're hurting me," he retorts curtly.

Her eyes go wide and she looks back at him. "Vanitas…"

He does not say anything else. He just stares at her. His gaze is so deep and intense she feels like he is almost looking through her and into her soul.

Xion sighs. "I care about you, Vanitas. _A lot_ but that is exactly why I can't do this. I don't know what kind of person you think I am, but I am not _this_ person. I'm not going to put myself in this situation. I won't come between two brothers. I'm not doing the whole _love triangle_ thing. I'm not."

"Don't call it that…" Vanitas actually looks wounded for a split second.

"That's what it is," she says tersely.

"It's only a love triangle if you're—"

"That's what it is!" she shouts and Vanitas recoils, genuinely taken back by her response.

"I won't do this to myself, Ventus, or even you. I'm sorry." She gently pries his hands off her elbow.

"Xion," he calls.

She shakes her head and begins walking away.

"Xion," Vanitas repeats more sternly and chases after her.

The Black Mage turns and glares at him, effectively freezing him in place with her gaze. "No."

"Don't be ridiculous—"

"Please," she snaps, taking a few steps back. "I mean it."

Xion tries her best to sound course and stern but her voice fails her and cracks at the last moment, revealing how upset and overwhelmed she is. She is shaking, fighting tears she did not know were trying to bubble their way up out of her.

That wounded, disarmed look flashes across his face again and it almost breaks her, so she turns her back on him and walks away, knowing that if she held his gaze, she would break and he would win. She would fall into that trap she is oh so close to, the trap she is desperately trying to avoid. She would end up in his arms, looking up at him sappily with bedroom eyes, silently begging for his affection because a part of her wants just that. A part of her wants to turn around and apologize and tell him how she feels, to just let him sink his hooks even farther into her but she cannot do that. That would be wrong and no good could ever come of that.


	11. Chapter 11

**Every** now and then you get one of those days that just sucks, a day that is marginally worse than the ones that came before it, a day you will remember as being generally unpleasant, a day you would choose against reliving if given the choice.

Xion is experiencing one of those days. It is far from the worst day of her life but also pretty far from her best. It just sucks and she just wants to stop the bleeding but she can't. This day just isn't done with her yet.

Ventus is standing in front of her door, waiting on her. He smiles when their eyes meet but it falls short of his usual brilliant smiles and her gut tightens with dread, a horrible apprehensiveness wrapping its hands around her neck.

"Hey, we need to talk," Ven says lowly and politely.

Xion is still disheveled and flustered from her conversation with Vanitas and is in no condition to confront this. All she wants to do is hide under her bed so that none of the men in her life can find her but apparently that just isn't in the cards for her today. She wonders what she did in this life or possibly a past life to deserve this.

"Can it wait?" She sounds exasperated and antsy but she can't help it.

"Please?" His big blue eyes bore into her and she finds she can't deny them anything.

"Alright," Xion complies and leads him into her room.

Luckily, Naminé is gone, so Ven helps himself to her bed and Xion takes a polite seat next to him. She grabs the nearest pillow and brings it to her chest with her knees so she can hide the lower portion of her face in it.

With her little barrier in place, she tries desperately to not think of the conversation she just had with Vanitas. She tries to put it away, all of it. No thinking about the looks Vanitas had given her. No thinking about how he all but confessed his feelings for her. No thinking about how he accused her of not wanting Ventus. She pushes all of that into the back of her mind and attempts to focus all her energy and attention on Ventus.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" she asks as she straightens the wrinkles out of the pillow without pulling the lower portion of her face out of it.

"…Us," he replies and her heart sinks. She can't do this. She really can't. She really, _really_ can't. One of these conversations is bad enough but two? In the same day? These two are trying to rip her apart and all she wants to do is disappear into this pillow. She wants to disappear all together.

Xion doesn't say a word when he starts rambling about how distant she's been lately. She holds her pillow and her tongue when he talks about wanting her to meet him halfway. She is just numb to this whole spill and she isn't even really sure why. Was it because she had basically already talked about this with Vanitas recently? Or perhaps this is a testament to how emotionally frail she still is.

Her senses deafen and paralyze and all she can do is watch his mouth move but she can no longer hear his words. She doesn't have to hear him though. She can hear Vanitas echoing loudly in her head…

' _You don't want him. Not really.'_

Ven is reaching out to her again, begging her to open up, to make more of an effort, and give him her heart, fully but like always, she hesitates. She holds back, still unsure of her feelings, still wondering if this is right, still uncertain if jumping in completely is what she really wants.

Somewhere along the way, even though she has shut down and gone partially deaf, she realizes Ven is offering an ultimatum and the choice is ultimately hers although she knows he will leave her if she doesn't stop tiptoeing around their relationship, if she doesn't stop half-assing everything and act like a real girlfriend should.

She understands his unease and she can't blame him for putting her on the spot. He has been so patient and kind for so long but she wonders if Vanitas is right and that Ven will be waiting forever because maybe this isn't about time. Maybe even Ventus knows it's fruitless…

He is holding her hand in his now and he has stopped talking. He is just staring at her now with big, pleading puppy dog eyes as his warm thumb ghosts along the top of her hand.

For a moment, she starts to fight for it. She starts to beg for what they have. She could convince him that she cares and that she loves him and she does…but not the way that he wants. Ven is something worth fighting for…but for one reason or another, he isn't what she wants. She isn't what he needs. He deserves better than what she is willing to give, what she is capable of giving. It isn't fair if she continues to do this. It would be cruel and she would be no better than those girls who tease boys for fun, for sport.

"I love you, Ven…"

He gives her a sad, knowing smile. "But you aren't in love with me."

Xion's eyes tear. "I'm so sorry… I adore you, Ventus. You're everything I've always wanted but I can't change how I feel… If I could, I would because it would be such a blessing…"

Ventus smiles again and the fact that he is so kind and understanding makes this _so_ much worse. A part of her thinks this would be better if he got angry or frustrated. It would diminish some of her guilt at least.

Without thinking, she crashes into him, needing to feel him hold her, as if it would make her extremely hurtful words go away, as if it would make her a little less shitty.

It doesn't.

"Forgive me?" she asks between sobs into his chest.

"For?" His voice is smooth, soft, gentle, and above all, understanding, causing even more tears to rush out of her eyes.

"Being horrible," she whispers.

"You aren't horrible, Xion. You're honest and one of the best people I've ever known. I can't be mad at you for being honest. I'm sad…but I'm not mad at you."

Xion pulls away from his chest and takes his face in her hands. "I can't hold onto you and keep you from something better and you deserve the best… I can't give you that but I know someone else can."

_So_ clichéd. So, _so_ clichéd… She really is the worst. Maybe she and Vanitas _do_ deserve each other…but this hurts. Regardless of how much she loves or doesn't love Ven, this hurts and it hurts _a lot_. This pain is real and the urge to hide in him like a cocoon is back but she refuses to indulge in the urge. It is time to face the truth, man up in a sense and deal with the consequences, no matter how unpleasant or painful they might be.

She leans forward and kisses him gently on the cheek. He returns the favor on her forehead, his hand caressing the back of her neck and his fingertips rubbing along the nape of her hair. He holds fast there for a long-suffering moment before pulling away, winking at her, and leaving.

* * *

It is all over the academy. Xion and Ventus are done. It doesn't feel as good as he thought it would. He is glad that she is free but he is sad because she is visibly sad. She clearly misses him. She stays with Axel and Roxas and of course, they coddle and protect her but now she isn't even at class and Xion _always_ comes to class!

Vanitas has been trying to get her attention for days but with her sticking close to Axel and Roxas and being swarmed by people asking questions and doing the usual _'I'm so sorry'_ act, it has been all but impossible. That's probably how she wants it though.

Unsure of how to confront this particular situation, he tries to think of what someone normal would do, someone kind. He ends up contemplating what his brothers would do and he thinks that if they were they in his situation, they would give her space, time to sort things out. They would be understanding but it is honestly hard for him to do that. That just isn't his style nor is it how he wants to handle this.

He wants to talk to her but the closest he got was locking eyes with her across a crowded hallway. For a moment, it was like they were the only people in the world. Time seemed to come to a halt then, her eyes seemed to tear. She looked away after that and he lost her in the crowd.

Maybe… Maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe she _did_ love Ventus and in a strange moment of clarity, he wants her to have him if that's what she really wants. Vanitas wants her happy even if that happiness isn't necessary with him, even if her happiness causes him misery. Because he cares, he honestly and legitimately cares… What is the hell is wrong with him?!

After class, he rushes after Naminé as she leaves the classroom and snatches her back by her forearm.

She is probably his best bet for finding out where Xion is. Roxas and Axel probably know but they would never tell him. He and Roxas' brotherly relationship is all but nonexistent and he is pretty sure Axel hates his guts, which is fine with Vanitas because the feeling is mutual. But even if that wasn't the case, their allegiance to Xion runs too deep. Naminé is faithful as well but she also happens to be afraid of him.

Naminé's blue eyes go wide with terror as he pulls her toward him. She has and probably always will look at him like he is about to eat her but that is just ridiculous. He would never _eat_ anyone.

"Where is she?" he asks, knowing she will know exactly whom he means.

Naminé pales and swallows hard. "I'm not sure. She didn't say anything to me this morning…but I'm pretty sure she isn't at the academy."

His hand subconsciously tightens around her small arm. "Do you have any idea where she went?"

"She probably wants to be alone, Vanitas. She has had a really hard week…" She winces a little.

Vanitas's eyes narrow. She means for him to not bother her. He understands but he isn't going to listen.

* * *

He went to Twilight Town first. He knows she has an affinity for that place but after some searching, he deduces that she isn't there. Probably because she knows that it is the first place anyone looking for her would go. That confirms the suspicions he had about her not wanting to be found. That's too bad because he is going to find her one way or another.

After that he goes to Traverse Town only to receive similar results.

Frustrated, he collapses onto a wooden bench in the Second District.

_If I were Xion, where would I go?_

As he mulls it over, his eyes eye the window displays scattered throughout the district. They are obnoxiously bright, all colorful and eye-catching. He sees one of mannequins within one of the displays wearing a necklace made of glittering seashells. The shells remind him of Xion. He recalls how quirky she was when it came to seashells and the like. She once told him how she loves to collect them, how she has a whole stash of her favorites in her dorm room.

And just like that, he suddenly knows where she is.

* * *

As expected, he finds her at the Destiny Islands. She is in civilian clothing, a cute little black bikini top and jean shorts. Sitting on the shore and looking at the small pile of seashells sprayed out in front of her. Her shoes are gone, her bare feet hidden in the water. The water hiding her little feet is an orange-ish hue and is littered with glittering diamonds thanks to the sun setting in the distance. It is a very ethereal, calming sight but Xion looks deep in thought. She also looks sad.

"I thought I'd find you here," he says.

She jumps, shocked by the sound of his voice. Her head spins around and she looks surprised for a second before her eyes narrow at him.

She is pissed.

Immediately, she grabs her shoes and starts bolting towards the opposite direction. "I didn't want to be found. That was the point of coming here."

"I know that but running from your problems isn't going to fix anything," he counters and follows her, his feet slipping on the sand. Damn, he hates the beach. It makes him clumsy. He doesn't know how Sora managed to live here with his foster family for so long.

Xion starts to argue with him that she isn't running but that isn't entirely true. She would be lying if she said that this whole situation hadn't been too much for her. It had been, which is why she is here now. She couldn't handle anymore knowing, pitiful looks. She couldn't handle any more people asking her if she was okay. She couldn't go to another class with Ven in it. And she hadn't wanted to see Vanitas… Why? She isn't entirely sure… Honestly, she still has no idea how she will confront that beast. She is still coming to grips with the fact that even though this breakup with Ven needed to happen, despite the fact that a part of her wanted it to happen, Ven's absence is still felt. She'd be lying if she said she didn't miss him…

No, she really isn't ready to be this close to Vanitas…but here he is!

"I'm running to _prevent_ a problem," she says.

"You're running from your feelings."

"Because they're dangerous. Now, please, Vanitas, leave me alone."

Vanitas reels, slightly hurt and taken off guard but he isn't going to let her do this. He knows she wants to leave him but he refuses to let her go. He isn't going to lose her. Not yet.

"Not until you hear me out," he insists.

She sighs and her shoulders sink. "Vanitas… I don't know what else you have to say that I need to hear."

"Maybe I don't want to _say_ anything."

Xion turns around and gives him a confused look but she is humoring him and that's a good sign—at least he tells himself that it is.

"Kiss me," he demands, fearlessly.

Xion's eyes go wide. " _Kiss_ you?" She looks like she might laugh. She doesn't think he is serous.

_Oh, sweetness, how wrong you are,_ he muses.

She looks down and away for a moment before shaking her head. "Goodbye, Vanitas."

Xion starts to walk again but Vanitas runs out in front of her and blocks her advance, placing both hands on each side of her head and pinning her to the nearest coconut tree.

"Just one kiss," he probes.

Xion shakes her head, her eyes avoiding his.

"One kiss and then, if you still don't feel anything, I'll leave you alone. I'll walk away. I'll let you and Venny live happily ever after. Deal?"

Xion can't breathe. He is on top of her. He is so close that she can feel the heat radiating off him. The worst part of all of this is that a part of her wants it. His presence, the very feel of _him_ is clouding her judgment. She _wants_ him to kiss her.

"I… I don't think—"

"Just one," he purrs and leans into her, his hair mingling with hers and tickling her forehead.

Xion holds her head back and his hands wrap around her neck. Anyone else would be terrified, feeling his hands around their neck. He could snap her neck if he wanted to, if he set his mind to it but she isn't afraid at all and he feels it.

Vanitas runs his fingers along the pulse points in her neck and feels the vibrant life coursing through her. It's beautiful. _She's_ beautiful. All that coal-black hair, that pale skin, those huge blue eyes… The blood he feels coursing through her has to be as sweet as wine.

He marvels at this moment knowing their will never be another like it. This is a crossroads. This will change everything. He can feel it just as he feels her life pulsing against his hands, his fingertips. She is so full of life and sunshine and it is heaven being this close to her. She is light and he knows this is the closest he can ever get to it.

He cranes his neck further and teases her lips with his own and she shivers in his hands. His nose brushes hers but he doesn't kiss her, not quite. He leaves the kiss suspended between nothing and something. He breathes in her breath and it is as cool and sweet as he always thought it would be.

He waits. Not because he doesn't want to kiss her but because he wants her consent. He wants to know that she wants it too. He started this but he is going to make her finish it.

Xion grips his biceps and shivers under his touch. He continues to tease her and she wishes he would just kiss her and get it over with. The tension is too much and she feels lightheaded, like she can't breathe.

His breath slithers along her lips and she sucks it into her lungs where it burns her from the inside out. It's as if she took a huge drag of cinder-filled smoke.

Timidly, Xion leans in a bit more and their lips brush again. And again, he waits, feeling her apprehension, her nerves.

He places one hand on the bare small of her back, curls his fingers against the delicious skin sleeping there, and pulls her flush against him. She squeaks against his mouth, the noise vibrating against his lips.

Vanitas smirks and runs his parted lips over hers once again, practically nuzzling her face like an animal begging for a treat.

Xion holds her head even further back and closes her eyes. She leans in a bit more and when he feels it, he finally kisses her.

Were her eyes not closed, they would have rolled in the back of her head. The kiss is deep and intense. No one has _ever_ kissed her like _this_. It is intimate and possessive, positively sinful and it swallows her whole.

Xion has been kissed before. Kissing isn't necessarily new. There was a boy at the orphanage that tackled her to the ground and kissed her without her consent. Then there was the party where everyone dared her and Riku to kiss. And of course, there had been Ventus but _this_? This was _nothing_ like any of those!

They are so close to each other Xion can feel the darkness in him and then, she can feel it against her and finally, in _her_. It is contagious and it will leave marks on her skin and her soul. She knows now that she will never be the same after this. There is no going back. She has tasted the forbidden fruit…and she likes it.

She is so sweet that he feels drunk. He also feels…lighter, a little less heavy; a little less dark but he is also hungry. He wants more. This has only sparked his need for more. He could never have anything less than her now but he always knew this is how it would be. He always knew that if he ever had the privilege of having her, he would never want anyone else. She is it. She is all he wants. Only she will do.

When he finally pulls away, she falters like she's been spinning around in dozens of little circles but he catches her.

He'd kept his word. Technically, it was only one kiss but it was a long one. However, he knows Xion won't argue with him over the details of their little deal.

He steadies her and starts to finally detach himself from her but he doesn't get far. Her arms wrap around his neck and she leans into him so their lips can meet again.

He groans and his other hand leaves the tree bark he'd been clawing at so both of his hands can feel that splendid smoothness that is the skin covering the succulent small of her back. He pulls her flush against him, somehow managing to pull her even closer. She whimpers as they practically fuse together, another shiver consuming her from the top of her head to the tips of all ten of her toes. Her fingers curl against the back of his neck and tug at the pitch-black hair at the nape while he grips and paws at the length of her back.

Oh, what he would give to have this damn shirt he is wearing out of the way. He'd almost rip off a piece of his own ear to be able to feel her belly tremble against his hardened abdomen, to feel the softness of her chest against his own.

Xion is completely at his mercy. All thought and rational is completely gone as his lips slowly and meticulously alternate between capturing her top and bottom lip. But she willingly offered herself up to him so she has no one but herself to blame for this.

It isn't until the second kiss ends that she realizes she has been holding her breath. Her legs are weak and she has to lean back into him for support. He obliges, feeling smug.

They say nothing but they don't have to. They both know it. They both feel it. He has her now.


	12. Chapter 12

**Xion**  is trying really hard to find normalcy again. Well, she's never really been that normal. She just wants her version of normal back. She wants pre-Ventus life back. However, that has proven to be more difficult than expected. She just can't seem to get back to that place…and she's pretty sure that Vanitas is to blame.

She has probably never been this conflicted in her life – at least she can't recall feeling this conflicted about anything else.

The past few weeks have been a blur of guilt and shame...and Vanitas. Everything is so good yet bad yet confusing that she tries to drown herself in school and missions so that she won't have to confront this weird place she's in.

She stops skipping class. She goes on missions. She trains. She tries to socialize. She tries to rediscover her old routine but things are still kind of awkward with everyone. They want to ask questions and she doesn't want to give answers. She is a horrible liar and she isn't ready to explain to everyone that she has genuine feelings for Vanitas...and that he kissed her...and that she liked it… Oddly enough, Vanitas is the only person she is completely comfortable with right now...

Vanitas has been _shockingly_  understanding. Things are easier when she is with him. There are no pretenses. He sees everything for what it is and she doesn't feel the need to hide things from him. He knows the situation is nothing if not volatile. However, he is never too far away. He spends time with her often and he keeps a smug look plastered to his face.

Sometimes she thinks he is doing this out of the kindness of his heart, to comfort her but then it seems like he can see through her clothes. That or he is constantly thinking about how much she obviously enjoyed kissing him… This is probably some kind of weird victory or ego trip for him. It may even be a sibling rivalry thing.

Xion doesn't like the thought of that. She doesn't want to be a pawn in a game. She also doesn't want to be the girl who got between two brothers… She doesn't want that kind of stigma in her life but sadly it seems to have chosen her.

_No use crying about it now…_

She has obviously crossed the friendship barrier with Vanitas. Lines have been crossed. Things have been said. Thoughts have been acted upon but Vanitas, while present, isn't pressuring her for any kind of clarification. He hasn't asked for another kiss He seems content with just being with her in a strictly platonic sense and acting as if nothing happened.

Vanitas seems to know her needs better than anyone. He knows what she is and isn't okay with right now even though she never voiced any of it to him.

He has been surprisingly smooth. He hasn't made it awkward at all. Like always, he is all wolfish grins and dark charm. He even seems a bit…lighter. His moods aren't nearly as bleak. He might even be a little happy.

Despite her better judgment, Xion never rejects his company. It looks bad but she is fine with him sitting next to her. She is fine with seeing him several times a day. In fact, she likes it. She even looks forward to seeing him but she knows that other people are noticing this pattern too.

What do they think? Do they think something is going on? Do they think he is comforting her? Do they think something was going on while she was still with Ven? Do they think she is awful? They probably aren't wrong about the latter.

Xion chews on her bottom lip and tries to stop fidgeting.

"The twitching is annoying," Vanitas hisses without opening his eyes.

They met in the library to  _'study'_ but Vanitas is sitting next to her with his feet propped up on the table, his arms folded over his chest, and his eyes closed. Xion is trying a little harder. She has her book with one of their latest assignments spread out in front of her but she's read the same sentence at least fifty times. All she can do is chew on her pen, tap its butt against the table, and twitch.

"Whatever you're freaking out about, stop it."

She puts the pen down. "It's not that easy…"

He sighs, annoyed. "Want to talk about it?"

Xion shifts in her seat. "Not really."

He takes her words for face value and says nothing else on the matter. She doesn't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Despite their obvious differences, they coexist quite well. They get along and seem to understand one another. And even though he is harsh and coarse with her at times, it is oddly effective. She feels herself calming down simply because he told her to. It motivates her to focus on  _not_ twitching.

Her twitching lessens and they continue to sit in contented silence for a while longer. Xion manages to get a little farther into the assignment but Vanitas grows anxious after a while.

He stands and shuts her book. "Time to go."

Recently, Xion has been learning a lot more about Vanitas. He has no problem sitting in silence with someone. In fact, she thinks he prefers it. He never gets the urge to fill quiet air with useless small talk. Whenever he says something, it usually has significance. However, he gets antsy to move easily. He can't stay still for too long before the urge to move takes over.

Xion decides to relent. She isn't really getting anywhere on this assignment and she knows he probably won't take  _no_  for an answer anyway.

Noting her obvious surrender, Vanitas picks up her books for her and motions for her to get moving.

On their way out, the large glass doors of the library open and Aqua, Terra, and Ven cross the threshold.

Something akin to a squeak flies from Xion's mouth as she rushes behind the nearest bookshelf before they can see her.

Vanitas follows her lead but at a slower pace. He clearly isn't as concerned. He probably doesn't care if they see them.

He eases around the bookshelf and hovers over her. "Afraid of being seen with me, sweetness?"

Xion shakes her head. "You know that's not it."

His eyes darken. She can't tell if he's angry or…hungry.

Another thing Xion has noticed is how expressive his eyes are, how they change color with every mood he takes on. She tries to use their hue to read him but she is still learning what the different shades and variations mean. She hasn't mastered them yet. However, she does know his eyes were a similar color now as they were just before he kissed her…

"It's just been hard seeing them since Ven and I stopped being… _a thing_. I don't know how to talk to them or if they even want me to anymore. I don't know the protocol on how to handle this…" Xion takes in a deep breath. "And I'm avoiding everyone because I feel guilty and I'm not ready to explain myself. I don't even know  _how_  to explain myself and I'm afraid of what might happen when I do... "

He leans closer. "They won't shun you. All of your friends are way too nice for that. It'll be awkward for a while but they'll warm back up. It may never be like before with Aqua and them though…"

Xion swallows hard. She knows he's probably right. His blunt honesty is something she has come to admire and respect. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes she doesn't like what she hears but she's come to understand that he means well. It's his way of trying to help.

Vanitas reaches out and lightly strokes her cheekbone with his thumb. "Afraid of what they'll think of you?"

She nods, mesmerized.

He always does this to her. He does these little intimate touches for no reason at all but he hasn't tried to kiss her again. Again, she can't help but wonder if this is some kind of game.

He scoffs and rolls his eyes but continues to touch her cheek gently, getting painfully close to the corner of her mouth.

Vanitas is always like this. He can never be  _completely_  nice. His actions and words constantly contradict one another. Like now, his words are coarse and his eyes are sly but his touch is soft.

"I guess I understand," he muses, his tone condescending. "I've never really fit in so I don't know what it's like to worry about what people think. I've never had a choice."

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

Vanitas scoffs again. "When will you stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault?"

Xion shrugs.

"Never," he answers for her, shaking his head in disbelief. "Stupid girl."

Xion's eyes narrow at his  _'term of endearment.'_ "Well, excuse me for trying to be empathetic."

He laughs. "I meant it as a compliment."

Now it's her turn to roll her eyes as she brushes past him. She leaves the library and walks to her dorm room, already knowing that Vanitas will follow with her books in tow. They've played this game before. He riles her up. Insults her. Then, watches her reaction with devious glee.

Xion peaks into the room and is relieved to see that Naminé isn't here.

She kicks off her shoes and plops onto her bed, grabbing her pillow and pulling it to her chest with her knees. She grabs a piece of candy off the nightstand and chews it. This one apparently had come caramel in it because it's chewy and takes a while for her to get it down her throat.

_Great. Now I'm stress eating._

Vanitas enters the room, still smirking and chuckling deep in his throat as he places her books on her desk.

"Don't be sore," he teases and sits on the bed by her bare feet.

She fights the grin threatening to spread across her face. "I'm not sore."

Xion reclines and throws a piece of candy at him to get even.

It hits him in the side of the face. He frowns at it but his lips eventually curve upward again before he rips the wrapper open with his teeth.

She puts her feet on him so she can get more comfortable. He moves so she can rest them across his lap.

Sometimes she wishes that everyone could see this side of him, the chocolate eating softy that basically lets her do whatever she wants to him.

After he eats several more pieces of candy, he leans against the wall next to her bed but continues allowing her feet to rest across his lap. His hands and fingertips randomly stroke her calves and ankles. She doesn't even know if he notices what he is doing. It seems…subconscious.

Xion starts to say something but this is nice. She loves these quiet moments with him but a part of her wants to ask what they're doing. What are they doing? Being friends? It's kind of hard to be friends. They've kissed and he's told her before that he feels something more than friendship for her. People who are strictly friends don't really act the way they act. They are friends but they aren't friends…

Before she can think on the matter further, Vanitas grabs her by her ankles and pulls her towards him until she is flat on her back. Xion blinks and he is on top of her, the soft, feathery pillow the only thing between them.

"Anyone ever tell you you're kind of cute when you're contemplative?" He grabs her hand, pulls it to his lips and kisses the underside of her wrist.

Her heart stops and leaps into her throat as his lips run along the vulnerable skin of her wrist, his eyes not leaving hers. He's warm and she is burning from the inside out again.

Since they'd left the Destiny Islands after he kissed her, their relationship had been strictly platonic. He has respected her wishes, her caution. He knows she doesn't want to make this more awkward or messier than it already is. However,  _this_  isn't really platonic at all…

"Maybe," she breathes, her heart racing and hammering in her ears with every caress of his lips.

He smirks against her skin. "Are you smiling?"

"No." She chews the inside of her cheek, trying not to smile at their joke. It's become something that they say to each other. She said it when she tickled him on the train to Twilight Town and now he likes to throw it back at her whenever he gets the chance.

"No?" He smirks and then he starts tickling her.

"Ah!" she cries. "Stop!"

She can't breathe. She is squirming under him and trying to get away but it's no use. He's decided to get even for the time she tickled him but this is ten times worse than what she did to him!

"Vanitas! Please!"

"Please what?" he jeers and the assault intensifies.

"Please! Stop! I…can't…breathe!"

"Hmm. I don't know. You sound okay to me." He makes holding down her thrashing limbs so simple as he continues to torture her torso.

"Please!"

"Say  _pretty please_."

"Pretty please!"

"With sugar on top?"

"With sugar on top!"

"And a cherry?"

"Yes! Whatever…you…want! Just…stop! _Please…!_ "

He stops immediately.

Xion lies there panting for a while, trying to catch her breath, holding his shoulders in a vain attempt to create space between them in case he attacks her again.

Vanitas is smirking as he tries to smooth her tussled hair, his thumb slowly and meticulously caressing the edges of her face.

Her cheeks are hot again and she's nervously chewing on the inside of her cheek. Her hands subconsciously grip at the fabric of the white button up he's wearing. She's trying really hard not to notice how nice he looks in his uniform with his red tie loose on his neck and several buttons of his shirt undone…

"You think I'm gonna kiss you," he states. He doesn't ask.

"What? Why would you say that?!" she counters. If she was thinking it, she wasn't doing so consciously. Sure, it crosses her mind whenever he gets close to her like this but so far, he hasn't followed through.

"Don't worry. I won't." He smiles.

Xion can't hide the disappointment that contorts her features against her will. Apparently, he's right and can read her better than she can read herself.

"Not until you purge yourself of whatever you had for Ventus," he continues, his tone suddenly flat and listless.

At that moment she realizes their kiss on the islands had been to prove a point. He wanted to show her that he was what she wanted. Not Ventus.

She doesn't know if this should make her angry or not but it does sting a little. She doesn't know why…

"Are you jealous?" she challenges.

"Not so much jealous as… _possessive."_  Vanitas pulls away and pries her hands off his shirt.

Xion has no retort for that. He has stumped her with his staggering honesty and accuracy.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He rises to his feet and walks to her door, shutting it on her before she can even try to say goodbye.

* * *

Vanitas waits for Xion to get out of her last class like he has for the past few weeks. They have a new, strange routine together. He either meets her for lunch or after class so they can do something together. She hasn't given him any complaints yet, so he has to assume that she likes this routine like he does.

He likes having Xion all to himself at least for a little while each day but he worries that their time together is fleeting. Eventually, she will be comfortable with friends again and she'll probably leave him behind. He also worries that she might want Ventus back. She obviously misses him on some level even though she won't say it. She might wise up and decide he is what's best for her.

Vanitas doesn't want to be a rebound but he's afraid that that's what he's done to himself. Which isn't fair at all.

But even if she doesn't go back to Ventus, even if she continues spending time with him, he's afraid of what she might see in him. Xion understands him more than most, arguably more than anyone but there is still a lot she doesn't know and he worries about what might happen if she gets to close to his darkness. How will she react when she sees the darkest parts of him? What if he can't keep them from her? What if he can't protect her from them?

Losing her isn't an option. Not anymore. He's in too deep. She's his and he vows to do whatever it takes to keep her because she makes him better. She brings what's left of the good in him out and he likes remembering what it's like to have lighter emotions.

He'll wait. He'll wait for her confusion to subside. He'll wait for this mess with Ventus to go away. He'll wait until she is comfortable, until she is ready, until he can really have her to himself. He isn't necessarily a patient man but he resolves to wait forever if he has to.

As Vanitas waits on the bench outside the classroom, he spots Ventus making a beeline right for him. At first, he thinks that he is just headed for one of the other students lingering in the hall but his eyes focus on him with determination.

Vanitas' eyebrow rises at him quizzically.

"Hey…" Ventus approaches him apprehensively. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Vanitas' eyes narrow at him. However, he is intrigued so he decides to humor him. Plus, he is in a surprisingly good mood. All this time with Xion has done wonders for his demeanor. He's still an insufferable bastard but he is less bastard-like than normal. It's an improvement.

"Sure… Let's talk, little brother." Vanitas offers a crooked grin.

Ventus motions for him to follow him to a more isolated area.

When they get to an empty atrium full of couches and tables, Vanitas slouches into one of said couches, a sneaky smile on his face.

Ventus sits across from him, his expression serious, his blue eyes beseeching.

"I'm waiting," says Vanitas when he can't stand the look in Ventus's much too pretty eyes anymore. He can't help but still resent him. He's everything he's not. He's everything he's lost. If he hadn't gotten in the way, he'd be able to  _really_  be with Xion by now. Things wouldn't be as messy or as complicated and Xion wouldn't be as reluctant.

"I wanted to talk to you about Xion." Ventus laces his fingers, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

"Of course." Vanitas isn't the least bit surprised. In fact, he is shocked that it took this long for this conversation to take place.

"She's my friend...and even though things didn't work out between us, I'll always care about her."

Vanitas blinks. "And?"

"And…I don't want her to get hurt," Ventus clarifies.

"Who said anything about hurting her?"

"No one but…I refuse to watch her become another one of your…conquests."

Sure. Vanitas liked the company of a lovely lady…for a little while. None of them could handle him though. They would either be too afraid of him when they got close to him or they'd not want anyone to find out what they'd done with him in the blackness of some room. But more often than not, he'd get rid of them.

Xion is nothing like those girls though. It's different because he actually cares about her. Somehow, he has managed to feel love for her, so he'd never treat her the way he treated the others. Xion is special and even he refuses to be that much of a bastard. But Ventus doesn't need to know that.

Vanitas laughs. "Look at you being all protective and antsy because she doesn't love you."

"She doesn't love you either."

Vanitas' mouth tightens and his jaw clenches until he thinks some of his teeth might chip off against each other.

Ventus frowns and runs his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry… That was uncalled for."

Vanitas almost laughs. "You know, I'm actually impressed you had the balls to say it. I can respect it."

"You aren't mad?" Ventus reels in disbelief.

"No. I'm mad but you've earned some of my respect." Vanitas reclines, extending the length of his arms along the back of the couch.

For a while, they sit awkwardly next to each other. Vanitas can't remember the last time they were able to sit with each other for this long. He can still remember when the mere sight of Ventus was too much for him. Just seeing him made him want to claw his pretty eyes out and feed them to the red-eyed demons that ripped their way out of his black soul.

Vanitas takes in a deep, calming breath before speaking again. "You know, sometimes I am so jealous of you it chokes me."

Ventus jolts and looks at him with bewildered eyes. "You're jealous of me?"

"Yes."

"Why?" Ventus asks, his tone gentle yet intrigued although he is clearly in disbelief.

"Because-" Vanitas' hands claw at the leather of the couch "-you're everything I'm not. You remind me of what I've lost."

Ventus looks wounded before his face contorts with understanding. It makes Vanitas angry. He doesn't want to be pitied. He doesn't want his brother to feel sorry for him. He doesn't want him to understand but frankly, when it comes to this shit, Ventus is the only one who can understand. He's had bits of his soul taken away too.

The urge to hurt him is unbearable. He wants to rip that wounded look off his face but he manages to refrain.

"You know, there were times when I'd see you…with her…and I'd think I might actually choke on my own vomit. Then I'd realize that I had the better deal because you had her but you didn't really have her."

Ventus frowns and Vanitas smirks knowing that he's struck a sensitive nerve. He immediately feels better knowing that he's hurt him in some way. That sympathetic look on his much disgustingly handsome face is finally gone.

"Is it impossible for you to talk to someone without making some kind of low blow or trying to feel out someone's weaknesses?" Ventus looks him dead in the eye and his expression is solemn but it's different than it was before. Does he feel sorry for him again? Or is there some regret there?

"Yes," Vanitas replies matter-of-factly, his features blank and emotionless.

Ventus sighs. "Do you care about her? Really?"

Vanitas groans, his head lolling back with exasperation as if he can't possibly support it anymore. "If I say yes, can we stop talking about this? It's awkward as hell."

"Yes," Ventus replies instantly, his tone as serious as a heart attack.

That disarms Vanitas again but he recovers quickly. "Sure. I care about the stupid, little mute. There. Happy now?"

"I guess, considering that's as probably as good of an answer as I'm going to get." Ventus gets up and rubs at the back of his neck.

"Great. Now we can go on and pretend that this awkward exchange never happened." Vanitas rises to his feet and shoves his hands in his pockets. "It's been a real treat, bro. Let's never do it again!"

* * *

The Heartless and Nobody situation is getting worse. There are more of them than ever and they are called in constantly to help deal with them and secure small towns and villages. Suddenly it seems like they are on missions more often than not. Xion, Roxas, Vanitas, Axel, and several others had been in Twilight Town for a few days now trying to neutralize the situation in and around the township.

In a way, Xion is kind of grateful for the outbreak. It leaves less time for her somewhat love triangle. It leaves less time to think about confusing emotions, less time to think in general. It also buys her some time to be evasive, which she appreciates. Time to sort through the mess is a good thing. However, the magnitude of the Heartless/Nobody situation is…unsettling.

"Why is it getting worse?" Xion asks no one in particular.

Vanitas folds his arms and watches the white mages scamper around to buy more Potions and Antidotes in the square. Their designated area is secure but apparently there are still some other parties out there that are still trying to contain the threat…or hadn't done a good job of containing the threat. That would explain the need for the Potions.

"All part of the plan, I suppose," Vanitas says.

He's in her favorite gear. Eraqus assigned him as a warrior and he is in that nice, black leather suit. It is hard not to stare and she is trying really hard not to make it obvious how attracted she is to him.

"What plan?" Her voice is weak with surprise.

"Xehanort's." Vanitas backs away and starts making his way toward another part of the city, his booted feet heavy against the tawny cobblestone.

Xion sprints after him, struggling to keep up. "Do you know what he's planning?"

"Kind of."

"Care to elaborate?" Xion chuckles nervously.

"No."

Xion pales and stops dead in her tracks. "Vanitas, if you know something, you should tell…"

He scoffs. "I'll keep that in mind."

Bewildered, Xion stares at his back. Just when she thinks she might have him figured out, just when she thinks she might have his strange personality pegged, he does something like this.

Vanitas has been significantly better lately but he still has his good days and his bad days. Apparently, today is one of his bad days.

Sensing that she isn't following him anymore, he stops and glances over his shoulder at her.

"Don't look at me like that," he snaps.

"How am I supposed to look at you when you say something like that?"

"You're supposed to take it for face value and not assume the worst."

"Even at face value it's pretty bad…" she murmurs, casting her gaze away.

"Then turn me in. Report me as a traitor." Vanitas folds his arms over his chest like he's bored.

"I don't think you're a traitor…" Xion reels, stunned by how quickly this conversation went south.

Vanitas closes the gap between them but she still can't hold his gaze.

He's close, really close. She can feel the heat radiating off him and the familiar weight of his presence.

"Are you sure?" he purrs. He brushes her hair off her neck, grazing the skin there before tucking another lock behind her ear.

"Pretty sure…" she whispers and suppressed a shudder. Her body is betraying her like it usually does when it comes to Vanitas. She is breathing hard, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Her throat is tight and her mouth is dry.

Vanitas laughs but she isn't entirely sure why.

"Vanitas…"

Xion has questions, questions she is afraid to ask but she decides to drop the subject. They are both exhausted from all the fighting and he is clearly in one of his moods. She may not know everything about him but she knows when to stop pushing and leave him alone to brood.

He strokes her hair and neck a moment longer, his touch shockingly gentle.

"Let's not go there. Okay? It'll be better for everyone if we don't. Don't ask me about Xehanort. You won't like my answers," he says softly, sincerely, as if reading her mind. He runs his thumb along her cheek and then down the pulse point in her neck.

This does nothing to ease her mind. If anything, now she is more curious and skeptical. What does that even mean? Why did it have to be so ambiguous? She understands that Xehanort is a sensitive subject for him and that he doesn't want to talk about it but does he have to make it sound so…sketchy?

Suddenly, Vanitas' eyes roll so hard she thinks he might pull a muscle. "We've got company."

Xion's eyes dart around and find Axel coming towards them. She smiles and waves but Vanitas is putting his hands in his pockets and turning away.

Axel returns her smile until he looks at Vanitas.

"Vanitas," Axel greets flatly.

"Axel," Vanitas replies, his tone equally flat.

He briefly turns his attention back to her. "I'll see you later."

With that, Vanitas is gone. He can't get away from Axel fast enough.

"What's his problem?" Axel asks as he glares after Vanitas.

Xion shrugs because she honestly has no idea. It could be any number of things.

"Anyway! Roxas and I are probably going to go to the station and see if anyone needs our help out there. Wanna come?" Axel asks with a wide grin, his green eyes shining.

Xion nods and smiles up at him. "Yeah. I'd like that."

* * *

Sticking to tradition, Axel, Roxas, and Xion end up on top of the clock tower. It is like old times even though things are a bit strained. She hasn't been with them much lately. Things have been awkward with everyone after her split with Ven, and Vanitas has been the only person she felt she could be around who wouldn't be asking awkward questions or probing. Axel and Roxas don't say or ask anything but she knows them well enough to know that they want to, especially Axel.

She never thought she'd see the day when she'd prefer Vanitas to her close friends but maybe that is the point. It is easier to be around him because he isn't one of her close friends. There is no pressure when she is with him. She doesn't have to explain herself. There is no judgment…

_That or I'm going crazy. I'm probably going crazy…_

"Hey." Roxas puts a hand on her shoulder and pulls her back gently. "Can I talk to you a minute. Alone?"

"Uh, sure. Of course."

Axel holds his hands up in mock surrender. "All right. I can take a hint. I'll be outside seeing if any of the other parties still need help securing the area."

Once Axel is gone, Xion follows Roxas into the empty train station beneath their clock tower. There are a few civilians going in and out, likely buying tickets to leave town and hopefully get away from the monster outbreaks but aside from that, they are pretty alone.

"Does any of this seem…familiar to you at all?" Roxas asks, his words tentative as he paces near the edge of the train tracks.

Xion folds her arms and looks away. She knows what he is driving at and doesn't want to think about it.

Now she knows how Vanitas felt earlier. It isn't fun talking about your past when it's as bleak as theirs.

"Xion?" he probes.

"Roxas…" Xion looks him in the eye. "I really don't want to…"

"I know but…I think it's happening again."

She chews on her bottom lip and shakes a little. "What do we do?"

Roxas casts his gaze away. He doesn't have an answer.

Her eyes fall to his hands. "You haven't taken out any Heartless with your Keyblade, have you?"

"No, of course not. I know better than that."

Xion nods.

Recently, Master Eraqus gave an order that they weren't supposed to kill  _any_ Heartless with their Keyblades unless it was  _absolutely_  necessary. When they worked under Xemnas, they were instructed to do the exact opposite. For some reason, Xemnas was convinced that killing enough Heartless would produce Kingdom Hearts and that Kingdom Hearts would turn him into some kind of god.

She hates how stupid and naïve she was. Back then, she was so desperate to belong, to have companionship, to matter, that she didn't care what she did. Back then, she didn't even know what Heartless were. She just thought they were monsters and that they were doing everyone a favor by getting rid of them. She didn't know that most of them were once… _people._

Yes. They still needed to be stopped but she still would have liked to know what her Keyblade was slicing through. She also would have liked to know that she was helping a madman in his attempts to claim dominion over their World…

Xion still doesn't understand Kingdom Hearts or what it even is or if it even really exists. She used to think that it was some kind of failsafe, something to save them if or when the World began collapsing in on itself. Now she isn't so sure. Now she tends to think that it is nothing more than something that fuels man's madness and creates monsters like Xehanort and Xemnas and Heartless. How could something like that be good?

"Does Vanitas?"

Xion jerks out of her musings and snaps back into reality. "Does Vanitas what?"

"Know that defeating Heartless could be helping Xemnas," Roxas clarifies.

She shrugs a shoulder. "One would think."

Vanitas isn't dumb. He is a lot of things but dumb isn't one of them. He undoubtedly knew. The real question is whether or not he cares. She's seen him kill Heartless with his Keyblade before but that was before Eraqus gave the  _no-Keyblade-kills_  order.

Xion's eyes narrow. "Why would Xemnas try the same thing again, though? He knows that none of us would fall for it. He got caught. We all know better now."

"Maybe it's not the main goal anymore? Or maybe he's trying to use Heartless in a different way? Or maybe this is a ruse to distract us from the real threat."

Xion's blood runs cold as a shiver chews through her spine. Suddenly, for reasons she can't explain, she is overcome with worry for Ven and Vanitas. She can't shake the feeling that Xehanort and his plans for them is the  _real threat_ Roxas is talking about. Vanitas's words from earlier are echoing loudly in her head:

_'All part of the plan, I suppose.'_


End file.
